Is this normal of a christian pastor to demand before he marries people?

Question

Ok, obviously, this only applies to christians who are familiar with the topic, so thanks...

My best friend is getting married. She and her fiance are both saved, but "kevin" is not baptized. He is new to his faith, and wants to grow and learn more before following with baptism. They are attending 8 couciling sessions with him prior to marriage, and 12 after. He recently dropped the bombshell that he will not marry them if Kevin is not baptized. They said that they do not want to wait, and "Jane" is fine with him being saved and waiting for baptism until he is ready. They do not believe he should have to get baptized just to appease the pastor. The pastor said that if thats not an option for them, that he demands that kevin attend classes and take tests to 'prove' his faith. that seems odd to me. Only God can know our hearts, and his faith should be between him and God, and him and his wife. I know that the bible says to be equally yolked, but isnt baptism just

a symbol, and salvation is what really matters? im not a pastor, but this seems really weird of him to demand. Any insight?

Answer 1

The pastor must respect his own conscience, and the couple should not take the matter personally if the pastor is following a consistent policy.

Simply find a different person to officiate. In many municipalities a notary public can perform a non-religious ceremony if no minister will agree.

Answer 2

Sorry but maybe they should find a different pastor. Baptism is a symbol of washing away of sin. You do not have to be baptized to believe and be saved. It sounds as though your friends are truly sincere about their beliefs. God is patient and He will let the young man know when he is ready to take the next step. No one should tell them they can't be married before he is baptized. That will come in God's time. Good luck to them both and God bless.

Answer 3

you bet i do. they need to find a new minister to marry them. this guy seems distant about getting married and being baptised before he will do the deed seems a bit of key.you didnt say what denomination this preacher is so i cant say that he is wrong for what he is asking for.JESUS said for us to follow HIM and JOHN the BAPTIST baptised HIM in i think the JORDON river so we need to follow our LORD and SAVIOR on the path of rightousness the best we can.why dont you get the name of the church or the denomination so i can figure what is believed. there is only one church which is christian and 2 denominations protestant and catholic.however both are loyal and believe in CHRIST.i think that many churches that are founded by others have a strict code for many reasons.there are 100s of churches with various names but all are christian but the board sets up what they believe and how things are done in the church.the church i am a member of has a large tank that is heated for baptisms and i think there was one or two that requested to be submersed into a local river. if they want to be married soon try to appease the minister by giving in to his requirements but those classes are not needed unless this man can see how the groom feels about GOD JESUS and the holy bible.doctrine of a church can be aggravating as well as misconstrued. all churchs have a doctrine setup by the heads of the people who are the president the v p treasurer and secretary and then there are members that are the board that come together to make up doctrine.i wont say its right or wrong but doctrine is not serving GOD.doing good things for others is derving HIM donating time and money to worthy organizations is serving but doctrine is what the church has set up for the good of its members

Answer 4

As a pastor, I would never demand that. It can even be counterproductive. However some churches are very controlling. Perhaps the same pastor in 10 years would have a totally different approach. Is he young?
(As a young pastor I said and did a lot of things I blush to think about today).

Answer 5

Difficult situation. The pastor is trying to be careful because he is not supposed to marry 2 people if one is not a Christian because he would be allowing the one who is to disobey the command you mentioned. We are obliged to be baptized if we truly believe and because it is a sign of the covenant usually one desires strongly to be baptized when converted out of love for Jesus as the sign identifies union with Him and forgiveness in His blood. Many churches who baptize infants require couples to have made profession of faith first as a testimony of their faith in Christ. I think he is just being careful even if he is overly so and it is probably good because if "Kevin" ends up not truly a Christan it will end up being a big mistake that causes your friend much grief later in life. If one is not in love with Christ enough to make this commitment or to listen to a minister of Christ they probably should wait.

Answer 6

That's really sad!! Baptism is a personal thing. The Pastor cannot say that even if it is 'their' church. It could even be counter productive. If God is not telling you to do or if you are not ready then it then don't. Find another Pastor

Answer 7

I am not trying to diminish the value of baptism, but it strikes me as odd. Baptism is the outward equivalent of circumcision, in my opinion. It doesn't save the person as circumcision didn't in the old testament, it was just an outward act of obediance but had no saving power. I'm not suggesting this minister doesn't have the right to believe and practise his own beliefs, I just don't share them. Besides baptism isn't what makes a person a believer it is trusting in Christ.

Answer 8

Well... I'm guessing they aren't Catholics. In Catholicism he would just have to agree to raise the kids Catholic. He can then get baptized later, if he decides to.

Each denomination is a little different. I can only tell you how this question pertains to Catholicism.

It is possible that the pastor is afraid the man will lead the woman astray...

Answer 9

we'd have to say no Mat 7:16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Mat 7:17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. Mat 7:18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither [can] a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Mat 7:19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Mat 7:20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

Answer 10

I don't know why he MUST be baptized before the pastor will marry them. Perhaps they need a different pastor?

Being baptized is a personal decision, one that doesn't include the pastor.