Help me please!!?

Question

I have a 4 year old who is sometimes the sweetest little girl. Her father and I are seperated and we switch days. As far as I know, when she is at her dads she has her moments but for the most part is pretty well behaved.

When she is with me, I cannot get her to listen to me. I have tried everything you can think of. I cant get her to go to sleep. I tried the pretty princess room, having her help me pick things out. When she comes into my room at night I try bringing her back over and over. I dont know what else to do. And one other thing is that when she has friends to play with she is very independent and she goes to daycare without any problems, loves doing things by herself and is very smart but when we are alone she wants to be with me every single second and does not give me 5 mins to do things I need to do. I love that she likes to be with me, but its hard when she does not listen to me. What should I do?

I know it is not really a seperation thing because it has been since before she was 2 and she is use to it. Plus she likes her dads girlfriend.

I do give her a lot of my time, I let her help me cook and clean and all of that.

Her dad is a good dad and we get along well. He says she has her moments but on the most part listens to him.

Answer 1

This may be a bit awkward for you but ask you ex-husband's girlfriend what is different when your daughter is with them. I'm sure your ex has discussed your daughter's behavior issues with his girlfriend so it won't come as a big surprise. Plus you can frame it as "we all want this to work out best for [your daughter]." Anyway, she's the only other adult on scene who can see why/how your daugther's interactions with your ex are different behavior wise then with you. Also, I think it's a gross generalization for others to suggest that your ex is a "disneyland dad" and his permissiveness is corrupting your daughter's good manners. Finally, remember that she is 4 and this is a very rebellious age; I know I have two 4 year olds and they give my wife and me more than we can handle sometimes.

Good luck.

Answer 2

It sounds like she may "hanging on to you" because she is dealing with seperation anxiety and/or feelings of abandonment or confusion because you and your ex are now seperate. Its probably hard for her to understand this new family unit.

As for the other behaviors when she doesn't listen to you - maybe you and your ex need to talk about being consistent in the manner/way you raise her and scold her. If Daddy lets her do whatever she wants, then when she is with you she will test boundaries and act out, vice versa. At that age though its most likely children testing boundaries with their parents or a deeper emotional issue that hasn't been uncovered so it comes out in other ways. Also you need to be consistent with her and don't "cut her any slack" when she is behaving badly. If you provide structure in a loving environment she will come around. Have you spoken to your ex to see if he is experiencing the same issues?

Answer 3

I'd say plz don't spank her, she too is going through a big change in life, probably she demands more time that she used to spend with her dad and now that she is'nt getting that she wants you to give her all that time, you know these kids are innocent my daughter when i don't give her time she wants cookies, water,milk n on n on because thats her way of telling mom its not the things i want it's "you" whom i want.
it's you n only you who is the best in understanding what she wants n why she's doing it, talk ot her about it that'll bring you guys closer n you'll be able to understand her better.

Answer 4

I know that you want time to 'do things', but why can't she help you do them? Even if the floor is not perfect, she can sweep (get her a toddler size broom) or even help you 'cook' by putting the vegetables in the stew - after you chop them up (for example). This is a phase and she will understand more when she gets older, just now she is a scared little kid - love her and get her involved in your stuff.

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel! My son is six, and his dad lives in Las Vegas so my son only sees him every 2 months. Whenever my son comes home to me after 2 weeks with his dad, he doesn't listen at all! I have to completely re-train him! I know he missed me, so I feel bed when I have to discipline him for not listening. I think the kids can sense our guilt for the fact that they don't have their dad in the home. Even though I can't stand my ex-husband, I still feel bad for my son that he doesn't have a dad in his daily life. Maybe they listen to their dads because they get to do whatever they want? Sometimes the dad is "disneyland dad" trying to make up for lost time. When the child returns home, they have been spoiled, and are non compliant with the normal house rules. Don't feel guilty in telling her that she can't display that kind of behavior. You can find things to do with her that invilve board games, etc. to keep her mind off of being naughty. My son always wants to sleep with me, but I've put my foot down and decided that allowing him to be with me ALL the time when he's home will only be to his detriment. They have to learn coping skills. Maybe discuss with her that you will be able to have more quality time with her if she obeys the rules, and allows you to do your errands and tasks. Let her help you clean, and fold laundry for example. That way she can be with you, and you can get things done without her clinging to your leg begging for your time. I have found that these things work for me, and I hope they work for you too. Happy parenting! Good luck. Let me know how it goes.

Answer 6

It sounds like it could be some form of a fear of abandonment. A seperation can be very scary to a child that young. I'm not exactly sure what to tell you to do however, you could just keep reassuring her that you aren't going anywhere and always be there when you say you will. Once she realizes you aren't going anywhere, her actions should change.

Answer 7

I think that she needs to begin to understand that mommy has things she needs to do and she needs to either sit and watch television or she can sit in a time out chair until she understands that there are other things that has to be done and not always spend play time with her. At some point you need to get a little more aggressive with your daughter otherwise she may get a little more aggressive with you and then it’s going to be too late.

Answer 8

This is possibly an attention thing. Does she get a lot of attention when she's at her fathers? I don't think she's doing this to be naughty, she's doing it so you'll notice her and give her lots of attention, whether its bad or good. I think your daughter really adores you. Take her out and spend lots of time with her, she will start to respond.

Answer 9

Stop trying to pacifer her and make her sit in the naughty chair when she mis behaves. All else spank her hand and make sit in her room.