How do I break up with my boyfriend?

Question

I'm not sure I can do this. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 and a half years. We started when he was 18 and I was 20. We work well together,but lately he's not happy. He's one of those who want fireworks and adventure. A while ago he developed a crush and almost broke up with me. Not because of her, but because he wanted to be free. After we talked about it he told me that he'd almost made a big mistake and that he didn't deserve me. It might be true. At a party on the weekend he spent the night with his arms around this girl and then got offended that I was jealous. He said that it meant I couldn't trust him. I do phsycially, but emotionally it feels like he's cheated on me. He said he'd try to get over her. It's so hard to get him to talk with me. I know things aren't good right now and he said that he's still torn. And I can't take that anymore. I think I deserve someone who loves me. How can I break up with him? I still love him, but sometimes that's not enough

I live with him and we share much of our things. We'll also have this apartment together till Dec.1 still if we break up.

We also have most of the same friends and hang out in the same friend groups. It will be nearly impossible to avoid him (but he was also thinking about breaking up and how that would work...he'd want to stay friends...)

Answer 1

Sounds like he is making excuses because he wants to break up. So it really shouldn't be all that hard.

You should just tell him that it isn't working out and that him being unhappy is making you unhappy.

Believe me you will find someone new, someone who won't pull crap like this on you.

Good luck and Best Wishes.

Answer 2

I think the two of you went way too far way too fast. You're looking to play house (already living together , wow!!) He is a young man and you a young woman, obviously you are much more mature than he is, which is usually the case (women mature a lot faster). Because of your maturity level and your expectations my suggestion is that now that you're an adult date someone older than you. You need a man who is ready to settle down, marry and have some babies. Your boyfriend is 21, what exactly do you want from this young man.

I didn't hear college in the picture, if you haven't gone then you have really jumped the gun. You are missing the most important and best times of your life. You shouldn't be living with a dude already, the emotional stress that you have created for your self is premature. Geez I was 32 before I married and began living with someone.

Take your time is my advice sweetie, give up the apartment with your bf and get a female room mate and enjoy your twenties, please take my advice.

signed

NY-Girl-In-NC

Answer 3

Oh wow... starting out reading this I was going to say, "Don't blind side him since you have been together so long..." But it looks like he's a real jerk! Cheating just isn't physical, it emotional as well. Just the sheer thought of MY man with his arms around another girl is grounds for breaking up. He is trying to make you feel bad for his faults.

Now, it should be a lot simpler than what you think. I do it over the phone and offer to meet in person after the heavy news, but many people would rather do it in person. Just say its done. You deserve better and it looks like he needs to experience life more. Give yourself a time limit untill you talk to him again... i.e. 2 or three weeks so you just don't end up getting back together.

Answer 4

Sounds like he needs to be free.

I know it is going to be hard. You can both start looking for new living arrangements and hopefully find something before Dec.1st.
I have heard that if you truly love some one you have to let them go. If it is meant to be it will come back. If it doesn't come back you will always keep that love in your heart, it never really goes away.

Him sitting with his arms around another girl all night while you were there? That is unbearable in my mind. It was his way of showing you that he wants to be free. You don't deserve that, no one does. It is a totally uncaring and unfeeling way of sending a message. Be strong and take care of yourself because no one else will.

Answer 5

It might be hard, but it looks like you've already made ur decision and just trying to figure out how to break it to him. I suggest just saying that for right now, you feel like you both need to figure out what you want and that if it's meant to be, then you'll get back together LATER!! And maybe he'll see how much you mean to him once it's really hit him...if not, then you can just mingle and end up with someone else, even if it's not long-term. Remember, your 20....have fun now, so that when you do find someone...or get back with him...you won't want to explore then...and your mind will already be made up!

Answer 6

that is difficult since youre together for so long and live together. but emotionally its taking a toll on you and its not fair to you. i think that even if he does get over this other girl, there will be another girl somewhere down the line. youre both too young and should both be free. and youre right, you deserve someone who loves you full-time, not part-time. good luck

Answer 7

Sounds to me like ya'll both want to remain friends and that the passion no longer is there. Am I correct? Waiting for a new adventure with someone new? When lease expires get your own place.

Answer 8

Well, it sounds to me like he did cheat. What happened to make them end up in each others arms? Think about that question. Then ask him would get get pissed if he found out another guy was holding you while you were sleeping. I think he would. You should dump this guy and start your life over before it gets worse.

Answer 9

First off sit down with him and have a heart to heart conversation. Tell him about the things that he does that upset you. You need to be vocal and lay it out on the table. He either wants to work on the relationship or move on.

Answer 10

You just need to be strong and tell him is over, and you better mean it. it sounds like you love him more than he loves you. at the end it won't matter he will dump you as soon as he gets another girl, you need to bit him to the punch. Sorry.