Her father and I get her 1 week on 1 week off, and at his house she does what ever when ever, there are NO rules, when she comes to my house I cant seam to get her to listen or mind me at all and she has a attitude of a 15 year old. What can I do with out keeping her punished the whole week.
2006-11-01 08:00:32 · 8 answers · asked by Brandi 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
You have to set the boundaries, plain and simple. When she crosses the boundary, she needs discipline. She may stay in trouble a whole week for a while, but eventually she'll learn are start minding. It's very difficult in a broken home, especially when the other spouse won't discipline the child, she may tell her father that you're "mean" and such, but just explain you have rules. Children need discipline. Best of luck!
2006-11-01 08:06:40 · answer #1 · answered by Shannon L - Gavin's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Jes. I have a 4 year old and boy can they have sassy mouths!! Consistency is the key with any parenting. But an important, but NON ATTACKING conversation with your ex is vital. If he feels like you are attacking him and blaming him for all of this (which, as we know IS the case) then he won't be as likely to "play along". So, how about this...."I don't know what her problem is, every time I try to get her to xyz, she doesn't and I know how important this is for her to grow up to be a good decent mature responsible woman. Are you having these problems too when she's with you?" Men.....so easily manipulated. Try it, and if he's not cooperative, then yes, she'll have to be punished the whole week until she gets it. Take things away from her, then at least she's not in a time out all the time and the two of you can still do fun things together. Maybe she'll think you are awful, but remember. KIDS NEED CONSISTENCY AND BOUNDARIES. THAT makes them feel safe and loved....NOT getting their way all the time. Good luck, chin up! You're doing a GOOD thing for your daughter by being concerned about this.
2006-11-01 16:19:33 · answer #2 · answered by 4in5yearsMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do family therapy for a living and come across this all the time. Hopefully, you can sit down with your ex, and come up with a plan--and even have your child there with you, so she can help come up with a plan that would work. Believe it or not, a 4 year old is old enough to have input. If you can do this, set up a behavior chart with stickers, and list 4 behaviors that you want to see changed and the end of the day, if she has received 3 out of 4 stickers or more, she gets a little reward, like an ice cream treat, or maybe some story time or play time with you. And at the end of the week if she gets 80% of the total stickers that she could earn, then she gets a bigger reward. It would be great if your ex could be involved with this too, but if not, just do it at your house. And talk to her about your expectations before she goes to her dad's. Also, if she does not comply, then she gets things taken away, or time-outs. But you have to explain all of this ahead of time when you and she aren't angry. Hope this works!
2006-11-01 16:14:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a tough one. I understand what you are saying, my husband and I were the same way when we were separated for awhile. We had to come to an agreement that she had to have rules in order to grow up right. So we actually were able to agree on that. Maybe try that, I dont know your situation with her dad though. Otherwise, I would say try to let her know that if she is good and minds you she will get a reward or get to do more fun things but if not she gets to be in trouble the whole time. Good Luck!!
2006-11-01 16:06:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is really rough for a 4 year old. My daughter is three and she goes to her dads every other weekend. I notice a change in her the night I get her back every two weeks. It is really important for you two to work together and be on the same page when it comes to discipline. She needs consistancy. If you don't have a court order, maybe try and establish one where she is being moved around so often.
2006-11-02 14:23:36 · answer #5 · answered by mbr515 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your four year old is probably confused due to the schedule and separation/divorce. She may have some anger as should be expected. She may just be seeking some stability and assurance. Remember, she is a child. Don't expect her to behave, think or feel in an adult manner. At her age, time out is appropriate...one minute per year of her age....that's four minutes.Then let her know that mommy still loves her. She needs your hugs and attention. Good Luck.
2006-11-01 16:19:57 · answer #6 · answered by honiebyrd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be consistant when she is with you. Eventually it'll sink in and she'll get the idea that she doesn't get away with all that stuff at mom's house.
2006-11-01 16:06:21 · answer #7 · answered by CelebrateMeHome 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp
This is a great site on discipline.
2006-11-01 17:31:15 · answer #8 · answered by sally 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋