How long does it take for you to get over your own child's death?Do you ever!?

Question

it has been 8 years and it still feels like yesterday that he died. I am unable to move on. You are not suppost to outlive your children. Your child dies once - you die a thousand death every day.No other family alive- they have all died also!Plz no God answers-she and I are not on talking terms- and he never asked if I wanted to sacrifice my child- I didn't. So angry yes-guilty yes! Trying to figure out why to suck air daily is very hard?

Answer 1

I am sorry, my grandmother has lost her will to live after my father died three years ago, I do not believe you will ever get over it, I think you may be able to one day accept your child died, but you will always grieve and feel your loss, I am not sure the goal is too get over it, I was devastated when my father died and I know this cannot compare honestly if my children died, I would probably semi lose my mind at least temporarily. and I know I would become a humanitarian worker on the international scene for human rights watch or red cross, in the thick of things. and I would have a very nomadic lifestyle, however I still feel the hole that was ripped open in my soul the day my father died, I do not believe it will ever go away, church made me feel worse. the funeral was horrible .I told the priest he was full of it ,and so was his religion ,which offered no comfort .and I informed him that my father detested religion,I can relate to not wanting to hear the empty god comments. what surprisingly helped me , was a support group for grief victims ,people who had the same or similar experiences .I would have never joined a group like this, but it was a service offered ,because I donated his organs.and amazingly just the pamphlets generated from the group touched me and helped ease my grief, I know it sounds like it will do no good, but It is truly worth a try, for you to get in touch with other parents who lost their children, I know I saw a persons 360 page on yahoo ,the mans child died and the support from the online community was amazing .I am not sure this will help you as much as a real group ,but not feeling alone in your anger is crucial to feeling better, it is most difficult to hold on to yourself or soul ,if you believe in that, when you are filled with misery ,it is so much harder to love yourself,life, or anything than it is to hate .and making that human connection with others that can truly understand you rather than dismissively wish you well or try to say something they think you want to hear, is the first step in regaining the feeling of control and a new perspective , I also encourage you to visit my 360 page and dont read it ,cause I am bad and while I try to remain positive, I do tend to gravitate to the darkside at times, but go to my friends list find Skyes avatar click on it and visit skyes page, this beautiful woman is a well of positivity, and spiritual well being .and just reading her blogs make me feel better and I am sure they can touch your heart as well

Answer 2

I have never lost a child, but my wife passed away three years ago. We were married 29 yrs and knew each other since we were kids. The pain at times is unbearable and I am told it will be there forever. Just as your pain will be as well.

Try to make the best out of your life. On my wife's birthday, we hold a birthday celebration. Not like one you blow candles out on cake, it is like a memorial day for your loved one. Try that and have family and friends join you. Talk about the fun things during their short life span.

Answer 3

I do not forget my mum determining up an historical one in a charity store while I used to be approximately eight and I used to be obsessive about it for a whilst. In the ones days there have been fewer graphics within the guide so I used to take a seat there imagining what the longest moustache on the planet appeared like, or precisely how small the smallest cat on the planet used to be. Considering the guide price approximately 25p from the RSPCA store I acquired plenty of amusement out of it.

Answer 4

memories are with you for the rest of your life. always think of the wonderful times the most precious times they are always with you. no one can take that away from you. we are only here on this earth for a short period so we try to make it the best for ourselves and the happiest even though life can throw some bad times at us. no one know how long we have on this earth so we have to live each day to its fullest and try to make it the happiest. when a child passes on it seems the cruelest thing to happen and nobody can say a thing to make it and easier on the parent. this is something you are alone with your own grief as a perants feelings for their child is something far different than anyone can imagine.

Answer 5

No, you never completely get over it. But after 8 years you should have moved on with your life. I understand the anger and guilt feelings---but you need help to get past that. Unless you out-right killed your child, then it is NOT your fault. "Get off the cross, we need the wood" is what my grief counselor would tell me.

Answer 6

You can reunite with your child in Heaven if you submit to Jesus Christ, the loving Savior of mankind. There is no other way. You are bearing the needless sorrow in your heart.

In the Beginning God created heavens and earth.
God gives you air to breathe and sunshine to enjoy.
God gives you water to drink and food to eat.
God gives you a wonderful body and sound mind, to live.
God loves you, and you are precious to Him.
Son of God died on the Cross to save us from condemnation.
Jesus’ love is boundless and everlasting.
We have the hope of Heaven through Jesus.
Life therefore has fantastic and glorious future!
(Digestion of above can even prevent depression and suicidal thoughts.)

Answer 7

I am so sorry for your loss. I have never lost a child, so I can't imagine your grief, but I don't think it is something you could ever "get over". Have you had grief counseling? If not please, please, find a support group, there are others who feel the way you do.

Answer 8

You never fully recover from such a blow..But you might see a therapist...And think about reconsidering the God angle.....He has not abandoned you.

Answer 9

I understand your pain. I have been there. I would suggest you seek some help from a support group with others who have lost a child. It is something no one can understand unless they have been there. The process of grieving is different for everyone.

Below is a story that touched my heart and helped me I hope it helps you

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ? When can I see him ?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."

Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer ? Doesn't God care any more ? Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son ? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair ?" the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnightwhen Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say"I Love You". I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him ?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery ! How about that ?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

Answer 10

Never.