I know parenting can be wrought with guilt, so just not sure if I'm doing the right thing. I try to take away toys, tv etc. but in the end I get sick of saying the same things over and over and I just want her to know whose in charge, the yelling seems to be the only thing that gets her to stand up and take notice. I just feel so awful afterwards, I want to know if this is "normal" or is the shouting abusive(or does it just feel that way)?
2006-11-01 06:57:22 · 27 answers · asked by ducky 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Shouting might not be the right choice. Try saying it in a stern way instead. Then they know that you mean it. I think after a while they will just turn your shouting off because they hear so much. But if you talk to them in a stern angry voice then they will know that your mad. I give my daughter an evil eye and she knows that she did something wrong. Afterward we discuss it. Good luck!
2006-11-01 07:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you shout at your children, you are teaching them to shout.
But, like you said, sometimes it seems like that's the only way to get them to listen.
It seems that the older my children get, the more I want to shout.
I believe that if you ever meet a parent that claims they don't ever shout at their kids, then you are meeting a liar. I think All parents do it some.
But I really try not to.
The only time I don't feel guilty about shouting is when one of my children is about to do some dangerous or cause harm, like sticking something into an electrical outlet, or hit the other with a hard toy or other "weapon". I shouted at my young nephew once because he was hitting my TV screen with a small hammer. It didn't make him stop, though. (I didn't EVER volunteer to keep him again!)
To me, more important than whether or not to shout is to HUG!
You kids NEED to know that they are loved by you!
I try to hug each of my kids at least two or three time each day.
And the last thing I always say when I put them to bed is, "I love you". (Most of the time theye even say it back!)
2006-11-01 07:16:14 · answer #2 · answered by troydowning 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yelling is not good. You teach the kids to yell by doing this. As being a parent myself I would make it very clear one time warning was all that was allowed. After the second time. Then appropriate action was taken by me. It takes a lot of work and hard work to raise kids. Keep up the good work and best of luck. And yes it will make you feel so bad for the actions you have too take, but in the long run it will pay off.
2006-11-01 07:10:30 · answer #3 · answered by flying bug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nothing to feel guilty about as long as you aren't doing it constantly. I understand how it is. I get off work, pick up the kids, then come home. As soon as we walk in the door they're fighting. There have been a few times I have shouted "Can I have 5 minutes?' Parents are NOT perfect. We're all entitled to be stressed once in a while. I don't think it is right to continuously yell at a child and I also don't think it's right to curse at a child. Don't feel guilty, you aren't the only one who has shouted at their child.
2006-11-01 07:01:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on what you mean by shouting. If you mean raising your voice, then I think its sometimes necessary. If you are shouting and cursing and getting out of control, then you probably need to step back and take a deep breath and get control of your temper before you continue. As far as being abusive, I think that depends on what you are shouting. If you are constantly telling them they are worthless, etc. then that would be verbal abuse and words can hurt. Just take a look at the situation and you'll know. Let your kids know how much you love them, and if you sometimes lose your temper then apologize and forgive yourself. Parents are only human and sometimes make mistakes.
2006-11-01 07:04:40 · answer #5 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK? As in ... "Will it scar them"?
If they are shouting at you, shouting at them won't make them any worse.
I doubt, however, it will make things any better.
There are certainly times when yelling will cause trauma later on, such as when dealing with very young children or when a child is in a very vulnerable state - would you yell at your kid if she had just been raped?
However, chances are good that if they are yelling, your yelling won't hurt.
I suggest, however, that you go quiet on them, rather than go loud.
If they have to hush up to hear you, then they will. Of course, you
have to make sure that what you are saying is worth while for them
to hear - such as how long they are grounded for, or when food will be
served or whatever the power-play is in your house.
People generally match the ambient volume - and if you're shouting,
they're shouting, and if they're shouting, you're shouting. One of you
needs to break the chain before you both go deaf!
2006-11-01 07:08:19 · answer #6 · answered by Elana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not be the best way of dealing with it, and it is almost always just feeding into their yelling. I suggest you send them to their rooms to cool off for ten minutes and then try havign a conversation where you ALL tak and listen. No yelling, no screaming. Just talking. You have to be reasonable as well, unfortunately with children you have to learn to compromise. You are still the boss though, and they have to realize it. If yelling is the only way you can get this across then go for it. Just remember everything you do for them (dinner, dishes, work, take them places) what would they do if these services you perform for them were no longer avalable? I find that teaching them that you're the boss often works better then yelling at them and telling them that.
2006-11-01 07:01:19 · answer #7 · answered by localgod208 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No...I don't think you should be shouting. Go to Walmart, and try to find a book on this subject so you can try different ways to handle this problem. You know that Nanny show on television that helps with problems like this? Anyway, see if you can find it to watch. It will help you figure out a different way to handle it. You can't go through life shouting at your children, that is too stressful, for you and your children. Good luck.
2006-11-01 07:03:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you shout, they learn to shout from you. They are just versions of your younger self. What ever you do, they mimic, and it's easier for them because they are apart of your genetics.
The solution: Speak calmly, but very logically to them about the rules and penalties. Be fair, but send to their rooms, etc, when they do wrong. If you stick with your own rules and don't let them get away with anything, they will start to listen because your being relentless. But if you slip up, they will see that they can get away with things when your not focused or paying attention.
Don't become them by yelling. You don't need to prove to them who's boss, you alread y are the boss because your wiser and your their mother. Just use your maturity to control the situation.
2006-11-01 06:59:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't shout, that's all my mom did, and all it does is give everyone a huge headache. It didn't tell me why I was doing wrong, it just made her seem like a witch to be honest. I would talk to your kids. Sit them down, and tell them if they don't start listening, everything will be taken away. Take away their tv, toys, everything! And do NOT give it back until they can behave propperly. You can also try time-out, not sure how old they are. Be firm, and don't give in to giving them their belongings back until they can listen to you. But also- when you talk to them, tell them what they did was wrong, and why it was wrong.
Goodluck!
2006-11-01 07:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋