How to break the death of a pet to my son?

Question

About an hour ago we lost our cat. She had a very aggresive type of cancer and a heart murmer prevented a surgical option, so they recommended euthenasia.

It's very difficult for me but will be horrible for my son, who adored the cat. I am going to be honest and direct with him but am asking if anyone has experience with this - do you have any recommendations of how I can make this less horrible for him?

Thank you.

Thank you for all your responses.

My son is 11. One of the difficult things about being an atheist is that we cannot comfort our children with a vision of heaven, even for pets. But I sincerely thank you for your ideas, all of you.

Thank you for the idea of the book "10 Things About Barney" - I have seen it but had forgotten about it.

Thank you all sincerely for your input.

I took him out of school at noon so he could get used to his loss and still go to gymnastics tonight.

We talked about the kind of cancer she had and that we don't have regrets because we gave her a good home. I didn't say "heaven" or "sleeping" because that wouldn't be honest for me. He saved some fur, from where he'd pet her this morning, and put it in a special place in his room and I thought that was a good idea. He's going to feel sad for a while I think, but hopefully lots of hugs will help.

We talked about "10 Things About" book, and remembered 10 things about our cat. That makes us cry now, but soon we can do it without crying.

Thank you all :)

Answer 1

give him another pet

Answer 2

Hi...since I was at a loss for words, and since you already had so much good advice, I looked up some information on the web that might be of some assistance to you.


Children need reassurance to talk about and remember their pet.
The death of a pet can provide the opportunity to teach a child that death is a natural part of the life cycle. Adults will need to discuss life and death in a gentle and honest way.

It is also important to refrain from telling the child that the pet is "only sleeping"; they may become afraid to sleep. The child may be unable to grasp the permanence of death and may expect the pet to come back.

They also go on to mention burial options that may help the child, if your veterinarian hasn't already taken care of that. I also read that children of his age group are much better able to grasp the facts when they can put a name to what was wrong...ie, cancer, etc. and it stated to prepare for potentially strange types of questions as the little one struggles to find the words to express his feelings. So sorry for the loss.

All the very best!

Answer 3

Well unless you live by an old indian burial ground, i recomend explaining that death is natural. Go with the fact that if your son loved/really liked the cat he should be releaved that the cat won't have to suffer a slow death.

And is now in kitty cat heaven. Or that may be too far.

Plus all you can do is be really comforting after breaking the news. I remember when my dog died when I was 10 or 11 and I cried for a pretty good time. It was depressing cause i was really attached to the dog.

Answer 4

So sorry to hear about your loss of your dear cat. Wow this really is a tough one but I really sincerely thank you for asking it. Depending on my sons or daughters age would be how I'd determin what to say. Also just be straight forward with him even the younger kids get it. Tell him his beloved kitty was sick and was dying and that she has died and gone on to Pet Heaven and that if he needs your help or love or support you and the family and the friends etc. are there for him. If he wants to know what death is break it easy to him but try not to scare the poor little guy. I'm so sorry this happend but honestly it's good for a kids pyshcie spelling sorry to have pets growing up and also to experience death because science shows it may help them cope with the death of a loved person latter in life.

Answer 5

The death of a parent, family member, friend or even a pet can be devastating to a child. Parental separation, divorce, relocation, illness or accident may be traumatic as well.

Yet, there are actions school counselors and teachers can take to help children cope with loss. When working with hurting children, remember, they do not "get over" a significant loss, instead they learn how to live with it

How can you help?
Acknowledge a child's grief through kind words, gentle actions, and unconditional support. Whenever possible, coordinate with the family so that the child receives consistent messages. Help the parent see that protecting the child from the truth can have negative consequences like increasing confusion, fear and resentment. Together, help the child face reality by using simple, straightforward language like "He died," not "He has gone to sleep," or "She's gone away."


Show understanding by being compassionate and offering your calm, silent presence. If the child shares an emotion, reflect and validate it by restating the feeling. For example, say, "That was very sad." Saying, "I know how you feel," is not helpful because one can never truly know the pain of another. Use books and workbooks which deal with loss in helpful ways.


Reassure the child that feelings of shock, sadness, loneliness, anger, anxiety, fear and guilt are normal reactions to grief. Expect some new behaviors and provide a safe emotional outlet for negative feelings. These may include tearing up old magazines, punching a pillow, scribbling on paper, pounding clay or blocks, writing down feelings, yelling, or crying. Let the child know that it is natural to feel angry, but it is not okay to hurt others.


Provide opportunities for the child to participate in activities designed to help in the healing process. These may include: writing, reading, telling stories, creating crafts, planting plants, making a memory book or treasure box, paying tribute, participating in rituals.


Accept that each child's experience with loss is unique; the reaction can be intense as well as sporadic. A grieving child often needs to take a break and engage in play activities since emotions concerning loss are so powerful. As a child passes through life's developmental stages, these feelings often resurface. Attempts to hurry the healing process can be detrimental.


Provide a support group for bereaved children who are facing similar circumstances. The group can provide acceptance, companionship, and an environment where emotions and concerns can be freely expressed. If prolonged periods of change in a child's temperament, eating, sleeping, and/or interests occur, additional professional attention may be required.

Answer 6

Black Parade Billie, I am not sure what your religious preference is, so I cannot tell you to say he went to kitty heaven, if you yourself dont believe in heaven. Yes our children are just children, but they also teach us that they are human beings capable of parenting us as well. So the way I approached this subject with my daughter when her rat Sebastian died from cancer. I told her that his soul had learned everything it needed to learn here on earth, and now he must go somewhere else so that he can learn more. Yes we will miss him very much. But now he is free and there is no more suffering. She understood.
Of course I dont know how old your son is, but this may bring up his, or your mortality. Then you have a whole lot of questions to answer, if so check back
I wish you well..

Answer 7

That is the most noble thing a parent can do, You are being honest and your son will grow up knowing that,
I am crying for your family, My cat had an agressive cancer, I had him since HE was born, in my house. My best advice is to tell himgently, and just hold him, he's gonna cry, and just hold him tightly, and then maybe this might help, if you tell himthat in ancient culters Cats are looked at as the persons soul extention, tell him that his cat is still thhere, just now the cat is your son's spirit protector.
Blessed be, and still hold him, I am so sorry,

Answer 8

It's a little off topic, but I asked a similar question just the other day, although it wasn't about pets.

Check it out. There were some good answers there that you might be able to use, even if you have to twist things a bit to fit a cat.

I wish I had better advice. I've lost a cat, but only had to tell my husband.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Yes, we have had three of our dear cats pass in the last year or so and have a 10 yr girl old in the house. Just be honest and reflect on the good times he had with the pet. He will be sad as he should be but it will pass.

Sorry to hear about your loss

Answer 10

Our girl was 9 when she lost her dog that had been with her since she was born.
When she finally calmed enough to ask 'why?' the hard part came.

I ended up telling her that our furry friends are only on loan to us to care for and to teach us how to love. When their job is done, then they go home.

This helped a bit also:
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Answer 11

Just tell him. He has to learn sometime, and it is better to just be honest. You'll be surprised how resilient they are.

Don't tell him any nonsense about the pet being in a "better place". That will just cause problems later in life.

Tell the child that the pet lives on in his memories and he should remember the good times he had with the pet. And let him grieve, and get over the loss in his own way.