my bf and i have been together for a year we both have problems communicating our feelings. I can tell he really cares about me just from his actions but the only time he really tells me how he feels is after hes been drinking. He will say he loves me and im everything to him after hes drinking but never says stuff like that when hes sober. sometimes he will say cute stuff in a text or email but never in person. i confronted him about it while he was sober and he got defensive and said that i should know how he feels about me. should i believe what he says after a few drinks or is it just the alcohol talking?
2006-11-01 05:43:37 · 31 answers · asked by bob123456789 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
haha by the way im not fat or ugly
we hang out everyday when he sober
and it isnt just to get laid we have a very good sex life without alcohol
2006-11-01 05:49:36 · update #1
I had the same problem he loves you he has been hurt before and thats why he wont express his feeling sober but when he is drunk he lets his guard down and it all comes out me and my man been together for 8yrs now and he was the same way going into the 2nd yr he started telling me how he felt when he was sober and it was the best feeling in the world that he finally shared his feelings good luck honey
2006-11-01 05:48:27 · answer #1 · answered by WeFlyHigh 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Have you ever heard the saying "In Wine there is truth"? Well this is a classic case darling, don't despair. Unfortunately some people have so many hang ups that the only time they can really let their hair down is when they feel less inhibited. For some it's sex, or their jobs, and others its alcohol or drugs. I know you would rather he become more descriptive of his feelings with a sober mind. I would really worry about what's bugging him to the point he has to drink to open up. Sounds like he has some issues that he can only address when drunk. Pay attention to the warning signs love. I don't think it's just the alcohol talking, watch his actions sober and drunk and decide if this is what you consider to be the kind of relationship you want to stay in.
2006-11-01 13:51:29 · answer #2 · answered by Goodie66 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's got some high walls up and the alcohol is the only thing that takes them down. That is never good for a relationship. Communication is key here. Face to Face. The fact the he gets defensive when you ask makes me think this is either insecurity showing how he feels, something in his past, or he's lying. Liars always lie best when they don't have to look the person in the eye. Whatever it is, he definitely has a problem and needs to help himself. You can't do that for him. So it's a matter of whether or not you'll put up with it. There's plenty more fish in the sea.
2006-11-01 13:55:15 · answer #3 · answered by CheezyYumYums 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, right of the bat, you know that the two of you have a communication problem. It is very hard to have a healthy relationship if you two can not communicate with each other. Yes its true that you should know how he feels about you, but at the same time its always nice to hear from your partner what they are thinking or how they feel about you verbally. Now you are also at fault. You also say that you are not able verbally communicate your feelings with him as well. So why do you expect him to? Dont rely on alcohol to communicate the love that you too have. Try it sober, because if it dosent sound right when your not intoxicated, then maybe the two of you are not right together. Good Luck.
2006-11-01 13:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by bella 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he has a drinking problem. In the beginning of drinking most heavy drinkers feel more confident when they are drinking .This is opposite to feeling so insecure and different when they are not drinking and can be reserved somewhat shy or overt as they feel like something is wrong and they are different and that everyone elso has a clue and they do not. They drink and *ta-da* they fit right in.
Depending on your friendship (not just boy girl stuff) you could give this info to him (disguise it as another persons problem and that you need him to listen and think about it because it is serious) Do not have him say anything to you, but to just think about it.
If you confront him he WILL get defensive..men do not like that we know their deepest fears they feel threatened and prefer you to see him strong and safe etc, especially if he has the above mentioned issues.
2006-11-01 14:17:11 · answer #5 · answered by sweet pea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he has problems telling u when he's sober that he loves you...that's not a good sign. Yeah actions are nice and everything...but there's always something about hearing someone tell you "i love you" and mean that makes all the difference in the world. you really need to find out why he's insecure about telling you something like that while he's sober
2006-11-01 13:50:45 · answer #6 · answered by CC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my god have our men been cloned that is exactly the same thing i'm going through right now i think what is going on is this ego thing he think that if he say's i love you when he's sober that the relationship will get too complicated or something and then he will have this stupid thought that he shouldn't have said that because you know when you say the L word everyone want to run for cover I truley do think he love you but he do need to say it more often because just like you and me we might start thinking that they don't and they think their protecting their feelings but their hurting us have a sit down with him and tell him it's hurting you and i will also do the same because if they love us it should not to be hard say it and a little secret stop saying it to him for a while and see what he do please give me update good luck.
2006-11-01 13:59:11 · answer #7 · answered by honey bun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol lowers inhibitions - Maybe he is too shy or nervous to tell you how he really fells when he is sober (maybe fear of rejection? Or past bad experiences). I wouldn't associate being drunk with lying, quite the opposite. So I would believe what he says.
2006-11-01 13:47:04 · answer #8 · answered by Leonardo D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the truth comes out when u drink. alcohol may make him more relaxed and let his gaurd down, and inhibitions. so he might feel this way about you, but only feels brave enough to tell you when he has had a drink. my now husband did the same thing, first it was when he was drinking, then through text emssages, and eventually just normally every day.
its a big step for guys i think... he needs to work up to it
2006-11-01 13:50:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well my mother always say a drunk men tells the truth but that's not how life is you need to be with some one who will tell you that with out a drink if he loves you he should tell with out a drink to so move on and find some one who can say it any every way
2006-11-01 13:52:57 · answer #10 · answered by connie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋