I am getting married in February, after dating for 7 years. When we first got together, my fiance's little sister didn't like me, I don't know why.. In time I asked my fiance if his sister still disliked me and he said, "no, she likes you."
Well, he made a comment not long ago that his sister had her heart set on being one of my bridesmaids. I already had my cousins in mind since I didn't have siblings growing up, they were like sisters to me. This is his only sister, and I don't want to offend him or her by not making her a bridesmaid, but am I obligated to? I always thought that bridesmaids were people that you were close to. I don't have anyone in mind for groomsmen,that choice is for him to make, not mine. So should I make her one or not?
2006-11-01 05:27:57 · 31 answers · asked by Bean 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Bridesmaid should be people you want standing up for you at your wedding. But I will advise you will be spending the REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THESE PEOPLE. If you think you will pay for this forever, just put her in. She doesn't have to be your maid of honor, just a bridesmaid.
2006-11-01 05:32:30 · answer #1 · answered by Liz 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It used to be that brides only had close FEMALE friends and grooms only had close MALE friends and that no one would even think of a sibling of the opposite sex being that close of a friend. Nowadays, those "rules" have been thrown out the window.
Everyone who stands up with the two of you on your wedding day should be someone important to one or both of you. Ultimately I do think it is the bride's perogative to choose bridesmaids (and vice versa for the groom and groomsmen), but I think that decision should take into account the friends and family of the other half of the couple.
In your particular case, this is awfully late to be adding a bridesmaid to the party. If your fiance wanted his little sister to be in the wedding party, he should have said something ages ago. And she doesn't have an automatic "buy" into the wedding just cuz she wants to be involved. You and your fiance have to sit down and have a long talk about this and make a decision very soon.
2006-11-01 15:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I didn't have my husband's sister as a bridesmaid at my wedding. They live an hour away and I don't see her very often. We are friends but we are not close. She didn't seem to mind. It was a small wedding and there were only two attendants on each side. My husband also didn't have his brother in his wedding either. They have never been close either. His siblings have never said anything about it to us. But his mother mentions it whenever she gets the chance. And our wedding was over 3 years ago.
Do what makes you feel best. If you are considered about her reaction or the reaction of his family, then it may be best to add her as a bridesmaid. If you are dead-set against it, you could involve her in other ways. Have her read a poem at the ceremony. Or she could man the guest book and pass out the programs and birdseed. Good Luck!!
2006-11-01 14:08:18 · answer #3 · answered by KC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's completely up to you.... but it might be nice to have her in the wedding. My FIE has 2 full sister and 3 stepsisters.... I already have 6 bridesmaids so I didn't ask of of them to be in the wedding. I am going to get them special flowers for the wedding day though so they don't feel left out.
You can do something else to "include" her in the wedding if you don't want her to be a bridesmaid. I have a friend giving a "speech" at the church because again, I just had to many bridesmaids and this friend actually introduce us but I am not that close with her anymore. So you can always work her in.
2006-11-01 13:59:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that a wedding should be a time of inclusion not exclusion so I would ask the sister to be a bridemaid especially because she has spoken to your fiance about it. As a bride, you have an opportunity to improve your relationship with her just by letting her stand beside you and her brother on your special day. Have one of your cousins be your maid/matron of honor. It is always better to include your in-laws rather than excluding them from things. Your future sister in law has probably changed a lot in the last seven years and may feel totally different about you now. This desire to be a part of your wedding party may be her way of demonstrating her changed feelings for you.
2006-11-01 14:14:05 · answer #5 · answered by Susan G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that she didnt like you in the beginning should not be a factor in determing her worthiness as a bridesmaid. A marriage is a new beginning, leave the past where it belongs: I say: don't bring the problems from the nineties into twothou!
This is not the time to create controversy that could create a problem for as long as you are married. How would you feel if you were her? The fact that she wants to be included shows that she does care about you and her bro, if she didnt then she would not be interested. Doesnt sound like she really did anything to you in the past for you to not trust her with that honor. In the long run it will only benefit you to include her.
Don't listen to the selfish ideas that its Your wedding. Its not just yours, its your new husband, its your families comng together, Life shouldnt be just about you, think how lonely you would be if you lived life by the phrase, Its my wedding, its what I want, me, me, me, how tuly sad that would be.
2006-11-01 13:38:54 · answer #6 · answered by insight 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are not obligated to do anything, but i think that it would be nice if you did. it shows you are the bigger person and it is a step in the right direction - you may learn a lot about each other. you are also showing your fiance a lot of respect by having his sister in the wedding. you may become the best of friends years down the road and looking back at the pictures will give you all something to talk about. sometimes we have to do things that we don't always want to do because of the big picture. don't worry the day really boils down to you and your fiance and wedding all have a way of working out on the special day.
have fun and enjoy it!!!!!
2006-11-01 13:33:06 · answer #7 · answered by bimbojackson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will bring closeness between you both. Your sister in law will be a sister to you. If you leave her out you may regret it the rest of your life. After all the man you are marrying loves you and he will see you even brighter because you can let go of past issues and make good out of bad. Best wishes!!! I have 4 brothers and no sisters and my sister in law is my sister I never had. We have had ups and downs but we grow together and I would never turn her away.
2006-11-01 19:10:27 · answer #8 · answered by iloeta1164 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To keep peace in the family it would be an "act of good faith" to do it.
Of coarse you are under no obligation to do it by no means, but believe me, being a woman married to a man for almost 20 years now, you will have to make lots of compromises.
Your husband to be might feel like he is caught in the middle and doesn't want either one of you to be hurt.
I say be the bigger person, ask his sister and dont worry about it.
You never know...it might bring you guys a little closer.
Good luck and no matter what you decide have a wonderful wedding day!
2006-11-01 13:39:49 · answer #9 · answered by tammy r 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not obligated to. If you have any type of relationship with her, more then once a year at holidays, I think you should. Does your husband to be fell strong about having her in the wedding? If so I have seen women in similar dress to bridesmaid (same color but not same style, or same style but a shade different) on the groom side. I guess it depends on how traditional you want to be.
2006-11-01 14:04:08 · answer #10 · answered by m_haney8145 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋