One of my friends is getting married and she asked me to be her maid of honor. I said thaTi would but and told her that I would be able to help her out as much because I live about 6 hours away and I have a job. Im planning her bachlorette party for the week before the wedding. Now she is having a wedding shower also a month before the wedding and she really wants me to go and wont really take no for an answer. She even offered to pay for the gas to get there. Its not the money that is the problem its the time off work. So my question is since Im the maid of honor should I have to go? And do I have to bring a gift since im already paying for the bachlorette party?
2006-11-01 05:00:42 · 18 answers · asked by Sierra 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I was just told that i was being whining. and i dont want to come off that way. Ive already paid so much of this wedding. of 200 dollars for the maid of honor dress. I already told her that i rather just be a brides maid and she wouldnt have it. So i cant step down.
2006-11-01 05:12:42 · update #1
No there is no law that says you have to go to a shower. If you can't take time off from work then she should understand, if she don't understand you have a small dilema. A true friend will understand besides you are throwing her a bachlorette party how can she not understand why you can't make it. No, you shouldn't have to bring a gift if you are throwing her a party and paying for it all, that right there is her gift at the bachlorette party, those parties don't come cheap. If you were my friend, I would totally understand and not give you a hard time about it. If your friend gives you a hard time, (if she knows about the party) make sure you let her know that you are paying for her party and that should be enough. My best of luck to you.
2006-11-01 05:13:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seirra, if you could possibly go to the shower it would be very nice. If you can't, you can't. She knew when you accepted the maid of honor's position that you weren't the best choice. 6 hours away from the event, with gas money, time lost from work...paycheck would be slim to none. I understand.
The bride should be a little more understanding that it's a trip for you to attend. If you could go, I would make the effort. If it's going to cut into your time off for the wedding-then I wouldn't. Tell the bride that if you take off for this shower, then you can't have all the days off you plan to take for the wedding. It's a honor to be a maid of honor, but it is also a burden. One of my daughter's bridesmaid couldn't get off work for the rehearsal. So, we worked around her not being there. I got to play bridesmaid at the rehearsal.
Now, if you go-go to the dollar tree get some pretty soaps, lotions, candles, 2 wine glasses, shampoos and fill her up a basket. You will proably have to go to Walmart to get the basket, while there get a 1/2 yard of material in the color of your dress, a bottle of wine. Arrange all the things pretty in the basket..great gift, pretty too...price arrange around $20 bucks..or forget the cheap wine and glasses and just put her some pretty goodies in the basket. I did one the other day..$14, caught some bath lotions on sale. Beautiful and personal. If you go empty handed, you are going to be upset and worried the whole shower, so go a head a pick her up a little something, but don't spend a lot on the gift. The other bridesmaids and friends should be helping you some with the cost of bachlorette party.
I guess I am through preaching, I hope I help just a touch. Brides have to realize that the world doesn't stop just because they are getting married. It would be nice, but hey the bills still have to be paid, and being in a wedding is expensive. Please understand she wants to include you into all the partying and fun. If you can, go. But don't beat yourself up if you can't-just explain..and hopefully she will understand your side of the story...
God bless us all...........
2006-11-01 12:07:43 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As maid of honor, your duties include "attending to the bride", this would include at parties, but in this day and age sometimes that's not possible. Your friend needs to understand that it's a matter of your employment not whether or not you want to attend. If whomever is planning the party cannot schedule it for a time that is more convenient for everyone (I'm assuming it's during the week), then you apologize, let her know you will be there in spirit, but just cannot get the extra time off from work. As her maid of honor, they should have conferred with you anyway.
Regardless you are under no obligation to send/bring a gift. It's a nice gesture tho.
2006-11-01 05:24:02 · answer #3 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES- that's part of being the maid of honor. And you only spend $200?? Most people end up spending $1000 being in a wedding!
YES, your suppose to buy her a gift and pay for the bachlorette party? I thought it wasn't the Money?? but yet that's what your whining about. Your an awful friend!
2006-11-01 07:04:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You agreed to be her MOH, therefore you ARE obligated to fulfill all duties included in that role. This includes, but by no means is limited to: attending her shower (which you should have been involved in planning), bringing her a gift to the shower, attending/planning her Bachelorette party, giving her a Bachelorette gift, being with her for her rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, being with her the entire wedding day and bringing her a wedding gift. If you feel that you can not live up to these obligations, then you should definitely step down. Don't let her take no for an answer. Every bride deserves to have a MOH that will lovingly embrace that role and make her feel special. No bride wants to feel "cheated" with her MOH and it could cause bad blood between the two of you in the future.
2006-11-01 05:50:44 · answer #5 · answered by MNS 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The friend I asked to be my Maid of Honour lives two provinces away. I knew she would not be able to do anything, and the other bridesmaids knew that too, as did my family. Actually, my family did everything for the wedding, along with me. That's just how we do stuff - I have three sisters.
You need to give a gift for the shower, as well as for the wedding. Doesn't matter how much the dress was, how much the bach. party is, how much the travel is, or hotel, or anything. Don't be rude.
2006-11-01 14:04:51 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your the MOH yes you should go and yeah in a way you are obligated. Make an excuse to take some time off work say that you have the flu or something and you need bed rest. You can get out of work Im sure you just need a really good excuse. Yeah you should bring a gift. Who said the gift had to be expensive? You could buy an inexpensive gift from Target.
2006-11-01 05:36:41 · answer #7 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what does your gut tell that is right? the fact that you asked the questions is proof enough that you should be there and yes you should buy a gift. can you use vacation time? either way that is part of the duty of being in the wedding. by not doing these things you are showing not only her but everyone that you don't really care and don't have the best morals. you don't have to get an expensive gift. make something that will show her how special she is. maybe a little thing of pictures from the past of the things you did together, then write something special in the card, money isn't the issue, how much you care is.
2006-11-01 05:27:22 · answer #8 · answered by bimbojackson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put yourself in her place, wouldn't you want your maid of honor to be there? If you absolutely cannot get off of work, send something as a gift. You could send a small photo album with pictures of the 2 of you doing fun stuff. That could be passed around and would help the bride-to-be not feel akward that her best friend didn't make it.
2006-11-01 05:06:28 · answer #9 · answered by juniper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As maid of honor you should go and yes you should bring a gift, it doesn't have to be a big gift. Maybe you should have just been a bridesmaid and not MOH. The MOH is really supposed to help the bride with the preparations.
2006-11-01 05:04:37 · answer #10 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋