my dad ually abused me for years, he was on probation and now he wants to see me and for me to come home when i have the hospital. i dont feel ready to forgive him, but if i dont then i dont go home or college. do i forgive him or do i stay away??
2006-11-01 03:46:19 · 15 answers · asked by lovehorse4evr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am confused by your situation. You're in a hospital? Your Dad was on probation, which means he was convicted of something; what kind of abuse did he perpetrate against you? Where is your mom? I don't understand why dad is in the home and you're not.
Forgiveness comes from the heart; you can forgive but that doesn't mean that you have to put yourself in a position where you might be abused again. Just because dad went through his probation and maybe treatment, doesn't mean that you are safe. In my opinion, the question can you trust is bigger than the question can you forgive.
As for college, what makes you think that if you don't forgive your dad you can't go to college? Is dad saying he won't pay unless you forgive him? A court order can solve that issue but don't discount your ability to work and get a college degree on your own. Many successful people have paid their own way through college.
Good luck to you.
2006-11-01 03:59:11 · answer #1 · answered by silver2sea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a risk you're taking and you may wish to give it a try, trust him for once. But if you're really not ready or comfortable to go back, take some time then. Don't force yourself to do something you don't like or uncomfortable with. Afterall, he's your dad, you know him better if he's a changed man or not. 1 thing for sure, forgiveness is the only way to heaven and making yourself feeling better. If you don't ever learn to forgive and forget, you're just bothering yourself and harming your future. Coz it's going to haunt you the whole life and you'll not be able or dare to receive if someone or something nice comes along as you don't believe miracles can actually happen on you. So when you learn to forgive and forget, you'll also know how to receive and treasure! It's all up to you, the decision is yours. Everyone only has 1 father, maybe more, I don't know, but 1 day when he's dead, do you really want him to go hell and leave with regrets? Think about it. Anyway, I know sometimes things can't change and facts are always facts & scars remained but if you don't ever give the person a chance, you probably never if he's turning better or not. Stay happy always!
2006-11-01 11:56:00 · answer #2 · answered by PoshBerries 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a very good question, I've being divorce for almost 5 year now & I can't bring myself to forgive my ex-husband for what he did, he abused & cheated on me during our 10 years of marriage so I understand about not willing to forgive, you have to really search your soul & think about this, what advise would your mother give you, forgiving is a big step to take but it has to happen when your ready & staying away you lose touch with the people in your family that meant something to you & was there for you.
2006-11-01 12:00:07 · answer #3 · answered by mssassy0104 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you consider starting off slowly with a visit that is supervised. He has to earn back the trust from you before you can be put into a situation with him. I find it very unhealthy and maybe even dangerous for you to see him unsupervised at this point. I wouldn't worry too much about forgiveness right now. It sounds to me like you are a kind enough person for even considering it. Please slow down this process, get some professional help and let a counselor guide you through this. If your father, and he is the one who has some work to do, really wants to reconcile this relationship then he will respect your wishes to move slowly. Actually, if he truly is genuine in his quest for forgiveness and recovery (This is man has a problem, you do understand that and he needs help too.)he will be thrilled with the baby steps you are willing to start. Good luck to you and God's blessings.
2006-11-01 11:57:00 · answer #4 · answered by q1169 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forgiveness is a difficult thing. It takes time. You may forgive him and be done with it;however, building the relationship from scratch will be the most difficult thing you have ever done.
what does an abusive father have to do with you going to college...you can go to college without anyone's help...it just will take hard work. so that's out of the equation. You don't want to try and build a relationship just to get something out of it.
Is child services involed? They should be. You father needs to follow their recommendations to the letter. He needs therapy and probably needs to go to parenting classes. You probably need your own therapy to help you cope with what has happened.
It is ultimately up to you. You have the right and obligation to forgive him...you also have the right to rebuild your relationship...but you do not have to...there is a difference between having a relationship and forgiving...
I hope all of this works out for you
2006-11-01 12:04:26 · answer #5 · answered by silverback487 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you forgive doesn't me you are okay with what he did to you. It's not saying what he did was right it's saying that you are willing to move past the situation.
So like with my dad. He abused me and I still get upset about the things that he did to me and what he put me through but I don't bring it up to him. I don't use it against him. I treat my dad like I would any one else. But I still use caution. I don't leave my kids alone with him. Not because I don't forgive him but I don't trust him. Forgiveness is for yourself. Sometimes for your own sake you just have to let go just so you can move on with your life. But if your not ready don't force it. Because then you'll feel guilty for not really forgiving. What your dad did is wrong and it's your right to feel what you feel just be honest with yourself. When you forgive, really forgive.
2006-11-01 11:57:58 · answer #6 · answered by jephrodite 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay far far away. Apply for financial aid for college, and stay where you are. He is dangerous. If you get some age behind you, and want to forgive him when you don't have to rely on him, then go ahead. I think he is trying to trap you into a bad situation, because he knows you are dependent on him, and have few choices.
2006-11-01 11:51:05 · answer #7 · answered by spidermonkeyfingers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone makes mistakes. forgiving someone is a choice that you make, moreover forgiving someone is better for you than for the other person. If frees you to be the person you can be.
It may hurt but it is good for your soul. Yet at the same time you have to also learn to protect yourself. Take care.
2006-11-01 11:55:07 · answer #8 · answered by Robin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it bothers you that much maybe its best to stay away. but if you want to regain the relationship with your father start out very slowly but don't be wtih him alone be sure theres a supervisor. it all depends on how youfeel around him. if u dont want to forgive him and dontwant to be around him just ignore him and write hima letter and say that you feel safer if everything was left alone and dont continue... u dont want to be in the same situation again its not healthy for you...
2006-11-01 11:49:25 · answer #9 · answered by Amy M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should take your time let him know your not ready to forgive him just yet, and tell him when you are you'll see him then.
2006-11-01 11:53:24 · answer #10 · answered by -мari♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋