my fourteen year old sister lives with me, and i am nineteen with three of my own kids who are all under 4 years old. about four months ago my sister came to live with me, because our mother has a drug addiction problem. i am her legal gaurdian, but i am also her sister so i am finding it hard to make the rules clear. i also never had any dicipline through out my childhood, so this also presents a problem. i do not know what kind of rules a teenager needs.
2006-11-01 03:22:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
First of all I have to say that we have a lot in common. I am 19 with 3 boys. My oldest is 3 and youngest 2 months. I have a 15 year old sister who just started high school. Our parents are both deceased and I am the one who has to help her and take care of her. I found that giving her examples of how I acted nad what I did wrong helps. She knows she has a curfew and she has to do well in school. We have our battles because I am not her mother, but if needed I ground her. that is as much as I know that I can do because of her being a teenager. I told her that if she plans on driving she has tpo prove to be responsible. One onOne talks really do help get both sides of a situation. Listen to her without getting mad.
2006-11-01 03:56:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, my heart goes out to you. Good for you stepping up and taking on this added responsibility. You must make it clear to your sister that even though you aren't her mother you are still the adult in the relationship, then set up some house rules and curfew rules. I also think you need to seek a professional opinion and get some counseling. By the way if you don't have LEGAL custody of her, since she is a minor, if she gets in trouble with the law they may force her to go back to your mother or into foster care. I will pray for you and your family, good luck.
2006-11-01 03:32:17 · answer #2 · answered by Scooter Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are 19 and already have three kids, and you have a drug addicted mother....it sounds like to me (due to circumstances beyond your control) you aren't a very positive role model. You need to seek the help of a professional for BOTH of you. I'm certainly not one to pass judgemnet on anyone, I commend you for trying to take care of your younger sibling, but seriously...life can throw some pretty hard punches at you and I think the assistance of a professional could really help you get headed in the right direction, as well as keep you headed that way. Godd luck to you and god bless!
2006-11-01 03:33:07 · answer #3 · answered by lil_rowdy1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Flat out, tell her your house, your rules. She needs to show respect to you in your home. Let her know, there are consequences for failing to follow the rules. Let her know that you need her help to keep everything going smoothly. Also, let her know what good will come of being a cooperative member of the household.
But yeah, some counseling for both of you may help. You are both dealing with ghosts from your childhood and you will both need someone to help you learn to cope with those, as well as learn to communicate together. Assuming you are receiving some sort of support from the state for your sister, they should be able to help you in that respect. If not, try contacting your church (or other local churches if you don't belong to one) and ask for some assistance in finding some help. It is part of their ministry to help families in situations like yours.
2006-11-01 03:39:59 · answer #4 · answered by Misty T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest first going to "Al-Anon" (for relatives of alcoholics) --this will give you the tools and skills you need to cope with the situation of your Mother's illness and it's effect on the family.
These group meetings are free, and very helpful. I have been going for 4 years, weekly, to deal with my Father's alcoholism, which had affected my life so much I reacted to everything with resentment, fear, and self-blame.
"Al-Anon" won't change or cure the drug-addict or alcoholic, but it will give you the skills you need to take care of your own life in their absence. It will help you be strong and confident enough to take care of things the sick family member cannot do, like raise your younger sister.
No one in this situation can cope alone---it is a great burden on all of you. But if you improve your own coping skills, you can survive it.
Call your local Alcoholics Anonymous chapter and ask about Al-Anon and Alateen meetings available.
2006-11-01 03:40:13 · answer #5 · answered by papyrusbtl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BE CONSISTENT. Treat her like she is one of your own children. Make her aware that there are consequences to her actions if she does something wrong. You may be young and she may be your sister but you have to be strong and try to teach her how to make the right decisions. YOU HAVE TO BE THE PARENT. She will love you even if you are hard on her and make her responsible. She may not show it now but when she is older she will understand better.
2006-11-01 03:34:23 · answer #6 · answered by melwil25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called tough love. Tell her that you have rules in your house, and explain to her what they are. And than say if you can't listen to my rules than you'll have to put her in a foster home, because it's hard enough with you having to raise 3kids at the age of 19 and she is only making it harder on you. SO if she can't listen to rules than you'll have to put her into a foster home or make her a ward of the state you live in. It will be hard on both of you, but if your mom is no help and she won't listen to your rules than that is what you'll have to do.
2006-11-01 03:30:19 · answer #7 · answered by danielle m 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you must seek counseling for this. your good intentions my led to disaster. u are both hurting and need professional guidance. stop arguing and start healing the wounds.
2006-11-01 03:25:50 · answer #8 · answered by special 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋