Does ANYONE discipline their kids anymore?

Question

I don't know if anyone agrees, but sometimes I look at the questions and answers on here and get frustrated. It seems like so many parents nowadays try to be their childrens "friend" or "equal". Does anyone understand that we need to PARENT our children? Create rules and boundaries? Punish firmly and consistantly when these boundaries are crossed? I love my children dearly, but I don't believe that letting them rule the roost or coddling them is setting them up for success in the future. I love my children, so I discipline them, TEACH them. Our prison systems are full of children that lived without limits and respect and have grown into adults that live what they have learned. What do you think?

FEENIX----I know about the costume thing! We actually saw a 5 year old child with her parents. ge this, they had her dressed up as a HOOTERS girl!! What the heck? She had big fake boobs and all!!!!

Hot babes-- You are right, I didn't mean we could not be friends with our kids, but not be parents first.

I knew a women that would not discipline her kids for misbehaving or being rude but they got their butts whooped BIG time if they stood in the way of the TV while she was watching her Soaps.

Answer 1

I agree completely with you on this---and I think itsnotarealname is right on target. I, too, have a pile of toys confiscated from the rowdiest of my boys. I've even taken a wheel off a bike as a very visual resprentation of the concept "if you don't use it properly and safely you are not allowed to use it."

In life there are consquences for every action---good and bad. Why do people shield their kids from the consequences of their actions?

Last year many of the neighbors thought I was a bad mom because one of my kids had to skip the last few houses of trick-or-treating. He had been warned earlier that if he wanted to go, he had to get ready and help. If he wasn't ready or slowed down his brothers he was going to face the consequences: 1 house for each infraction. He was 5 and understood.

The other moms were flabbergasted that when I said it was time to go he just went with me meekly. No fighting, no whining or pleading. He walked home with me and his brothers kept going.

He didn't whine because he knew he had to pay the price for his misbehavior. When I see other neighborhood kids pleading to get out of a punishment I have to wonder how many times they have convinced their parents to let something slide.

One guy I know grew up in a way too rigid house and his reaction is to be buddies with his kids. No bedtimes, snacks whenever you want them. Nothing seems to be off limits.

What does this kid do when someone tries to enforce limits? He loses it. We got through 3 t-ball practices with him before the dad decided to let the kid quit. The kid would not take turns or listen to the coach.

I've seen way too much of this buddy-buddy stuff with toddlers and preschoolers and it turns my stomach. I love my kids. I play every sport imagineable with them, we read together. We're a lovey/huggy bunch.

But as their mom I know I have a very important job to do: I need to help these kids grow into responsible adults who care about others and use their talents and abilities to make the world a better place. Most importantly, I need to raise them so that some day they won't need me anymore.

The buddy-buddy crowd I know doesn't seem to understand that life isn't about making sure your kids are always happy---and I wonder how these kids will cope when they're adults and realize that you can't always get your way.

Answer 2

Actually, there is the misconception. You CAN and SHOULD discipline your kids. However, a lot of parents, not all, but a lot of them are under the misguided impression that spanking your child is abuse. This is NOT the case. If you don't believe me, call your local police department to verify what I say is accurate. As long as you spank the child on the buttocks and not on the back or legs below the buttocks, and as long as you do not leave a welp, go for it. They encourage you to spank your children. A lot of people really think they will get in trouble if they spank their kids, therefore, they think "time out" is a good alternative. Kids have also heard (from where, i'm not sure) that their parents can't spank them, so they actually will throw this up in their parents face. Sort of "I dare you to spank me, I'll call the police if you do). Well, thats when you bust their butts and dial the number and hand them the phone. You are well within your rights to punish your kids. THAT is whats wrong with kids today. I had my butt tore up growing up. I wasn't THAT bad, but still I screwed up and learned my lesson. I wasn't a teenage mom, I didn't do drugs, and I didn't drink and drive. I spanked my daughter until she hit about 15, thought it was a little too old for a spanking, but every once in a while she gets a good one upside the head (no marks)..LOL. But seriously, discipline is the key. This time out crap and grouding all the time only punishes the dang parents. Bust their butts and make them FEEL IT!!!

Answer 3

When people look at me and my oldest son when we're out I'm sure I have people ask that very question of me. I have a three year old that has an explosive behavior problem. We are in behavior therapy for a three year old!! All the typical ways of discipline haven't worked with him and we are trying everything we can. I hate going out because people think I'm a bad parent that can't control my kids but there's some children that are just more difficult then others. I teach rules and boundries but its just hard to be a parent sometimes!

Answer 4

I agree with you, I have set rules and boundaries for all 4 of my children, but I don't quite agree with you when you don't think we can be best friends with them, I am best friends with all my children we have a very good understanding and they feel they can talk to me about anything, but they also know when not to push me to the limit, I think the problems today are that there is no respect, children don't respect their parents, but to have respect from your children you have to earn it in the first place, its not easy getting it right but if you do then it makes for a very happy family, and I think we have all got a lot of respect for one another, we all respect one another, don't get me wrong, my kids do fear me, if they do do something wrong they will know about it, but fortunately they are very good kids, I have been one of the very lucky ones and I must of done something right as my eldest is now 21 the next one down is 18 then 10 then 9.

I would also like to add, that my children never talk to others rude, they are polite and do not disrespect their elders, I have always brought them up to be this way, I am a big believer in this, but there are too many kids out there that are so rude and are disrespectful,I totally agree there

Answer 5

Many young people are living in broken homes, more than ever with one or both parents incarcerated. This leaves some very bitter angry people out there. Alot of young people especially in the inner cities have no problems killing someone and we all no school violence is on the rise. Unless parents start young when their son/daughter reaches their later teen years they end up fighting a losing battle, problem is no one is around for them when they are young. A parent can do little when they have a young adult that is physically stronger and larger than they are if they have not set the groundwork in childhood. I'm sure alot of inner cities moms try and hearts are broken when their son/daughter ends up dead or in prison but they can do little especially when going up against a grown mans body. I actually think the middle school years are most crucial, a sort of make it or break it moment.

Answer 6

I very much agree, it always amazes me when I go into a store or restaurant and see kids running around or screaming. If my kids ever did that I would never take them anywhere! People are so worried any more about punishing their kids in public, that they don't do anything. PEOPLE, that's what the bathrooms are for! As for being a parent instead of a friend, I've actually known kids who have said they wish their parents wouldn't try to be their friend so much, and be more of a parent.

Answer 7

I totally agree with you. I see children in different settings, the store, the library, school, etc, mis-behaving or not being quiet because they are not being taught this. I also nanny for 2 little boys, and parents need to be consistent with the discipline. If you tell them no, and they do not follow your instructions, take a toy or a privilege away. Be firm but do it calmly. Do not cave into to the whining and crying or you will have an out of control teenage who will not want to obey you at all.

Answer 8

I agree somewhat. I discipline and I know other parents that also do it BUT I also know some parents of school age children that have actually never even grounded their child when they do something wrong. It really shocks me that some kids go unpunished for wrongdoing. No discipline turns these kids into manipulative individuals that think they can get away with anything.

Answer 9

Yes, very much so. I have 6 children altogether, and only 3 of them are still at home. I have 3 sons (19,17, & 10)and 3 daughters(21,2, & 2mos.). I used to use an 18-in ruler to spank them. I still use that ruler on my younger kids as well. I always tell them that if they would listen and follow directions they wouldn't require me to discipline them. I am a true believer in discipline. It just make them turn out to be a better person and can deal with society when they get out on their own.

Answer 10

As a parent who does? I don't need to ask questions here. Because the discipline prevents the problems that need to be aired!

We're not nazis with the children, but I do have a perpetual box of "taken" toys. And "going to your room" is a real punishment - because all the toys are in the basement. And I'm a big fan of the "twist and drag" approach. My kids mouth off to me and I firmly twist the ear and take them someplace private for a little "chat."

Followup. I do play video games with my son, push my daughter in the swing, and we play a lot of baseball in my house (girl and boy.) So it's about 90% fun and 10% discipline. (Mommy handles chores, so it's closer to 50.50 for her.)