am three months pregnant and been with my partner for over four years. we couldnt afford our flat so six months ago decided to move in with his parents. his mother is needy and guilts people into doing things for her. me and her had a very heated argument where some pretty bad stuff was said and i left. partner said he would too but then after speaking with his mum changed his mind and stayed. i get to see him maybe an hour a day because his mother pulls on the reins and drags him back.i am getting really stressed to the point where i am thinking i would be better off with out him as he will always go running back to his mum.i have tryed talking to him. we are going on holiday in a week and i am worried that he wont go if his mum puts pressure on him. we were supposed to look at a house today but he had to go early cause his mum was stressed. help. i am going crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-01 02:44:25 · 26 answers · asked by karen w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
sounds like he is a mama's boy...good luck changing that!
2006-11-01 03:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by Sunspot Baby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, daughter in law can never win if her man is still under his mum's apron strings.
Imagine what she's going to be like when the baby is born. She's have you up in front of Social Services and calling you a bad mother.
Your partner is currently choosing his mother over the security of his partner and unborn child. This doesn't bode well for the future. Mum is always going to be number one. I'm not suggesting you split with your partner, but at the moment you need to take care of yourself. Find yourself a place to live, without him - get yourself safe and then start the soul searching.
Don't go on holiday with him. Things will be all lovely whilst you're away, you'll come back believing things are great and then he'll be back to mummy again. Time for you to start saying a few no's.
2006-11-01 02:55:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. There is always two sides to a story. Why is his mum like this? Is he the only child? Did he use to forget her when you were 1st together. there maybe more to this than even you know. You need to sit down with him and be very honest Let him know that if things don't change you are off and find out why he is on such a guilt trip with his mum. Remember he is the father of your baby too. perhaps his mum feels once the baby is here he will have no time for her and she is using this. try to resolve this because in the future if you do split you do have to have some sort of decent relationship for the sake of the baby.
2006-11-02 02:08:51 · answer #3 · answered by sweetiesweetydarling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go on holiday with him, have a break and when you are both very relaxed talk to him and tell him all that you see. He may see things differently.
If he promises to change then see how it goes when you get back and if he doesn't change and pull away from his mum a little then you need to leave him and have very little contact - only what is necessary for your child.
Relationships and break ups are difficult but you are always going to be unhappy and resentful while his mum controls his life. If he does not realise that you are the mother of his unborn child and he should be putting you first then do you really want a man like that?!
2006-11-01 03:42:13 · answer #4 · answered by pinky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds conflicted over the argument but he really needs to get his priorities straight. My sister had a very similar situation where as she became pregnant and it became clearer than ever that he's mother was pulling his strings. Is he using the sanctity of his mothers place to escape responsibilty, confrontation or generally having to grow up. Where his mother is a very self-centered person with herself at no1 priority -does the apple really ever fall far from the tree. Maybe its not just the issue of residence that you should be addressing but maybe he has a fear or commitment, a baby is the biggest and most serious responsibility there is. I'd use your up and coming holiday of a way to incorporate the planning for your baby buying things and generally speaking of the little one as much as possible and see if you notice a change in attitude or temperment.
2006-11-01 03:04:26 · answer #5 · answered by Lizzie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop stressing. You are pregnant. This is no good for the baby. I know that mother in laws can be a handful, but honey we need to do something here. You need to put your foot down and tell him that you's are now a family and you will not tolerate the way his mother treats you. You do not want to be a single mother. And he does not want to be a weekend father. Explain that this is ruining your relationship. Hopefully he does go on this holiday with you where you can talk to him with out his mother putting her 2 cents in. This woman sounds like she needs a good kick up the back side! This is not the way you want to live the rest of your lives. You need to get a place of your own and get him the hell out of there. The mother sounds like she is jelous that her son is starting his own family and doesn't need her anymore. She has got to understand that this kind of behaviour is not healthy. She needs some help. I hope that you get all of this mess sorted out. I wish you all the luck in the arrival of your new beautiful baby.
2006-11-01 02:52:28 · answer #6 · answered by rach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no point in trying to come between a man and his mother - you are only going to lose out.
If I were you, I would tell him that if he can't stand up to his mum, then you understand but you can't be around her and, therefore, him. Have the holiday with yourself and your bump and get on with concentrating on how you are going to love and protect your baby.
If he really is the man for you, he will stand up to his mother and come to you and his new family. If he doesn't then both you and your baby are better off without him. Who wants a spineless father?
I know it sounds really harsh, but there is nothing you can do here. Just back off and let him have the time to decide what it is he really wants. If he's a good man, he'll make the right decision and probably bring his mum around too.
2006-11-01 02:52:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him to grow up and cut those apron strings!! He has a new family now and he needs to take care of you and your unborn child. It is too difficult to raise a child as a singe parent. If not, have a calm talk with his mum. Make her aware that you are pregnant with his child and that she is disrupting your new family! Tell her that you need him especially during your pregnancy! Tell her if she really loves him, she will do the right thing for him by letting go. I am not saying, he should never visit her again, but just not be there for her beckon call!!! Don't forbid him from seeing her, because when her time comes, he will regret the times he didn't spend with her and resent you for it. Good Luck!!
2006-11-01 02:58:13 · answer #8 · answered by flowergirlsdy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know the situation well enough to provide the answer to your question. Maybe you should get some help to think it over by calling a helpline or going to counselling.You will get lots of other people's opinions on here but you are the only person who has what it takes to decide what is right for you and your unborn child.
I really hope you manage to get through this in the best way possible for yourself and all involved. Sending you every best wish x
2006-11-01 02:48:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am karens partner. Deeply mismayed by this.
Why is it that everytime i ask someone i care about what is wrong, what are their feelings, where are we headed together i never get a straight answer or no answer at all?
Why does she feel comfortable talking to the world and not to me?
How on earth can i play my part in resolving our issues when she is willing to confer with net-nerds, bored house wives, bored students and many other people with too much time on their hands when she can't even muster the courage to speak to the other 50% of this sorry little equation (i.e me!)? (no offence intended by any steretypical references i have made)
With great sorrow and regret,
C T E Walker
P.S. there is much more to this than will ever be read on this website.
2006-11-01 05:07:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not a man; he's a mouse. He needs to cut the apron strings. Arrange to spend some uninterupted time together, get him to switch his phone off so his mum can't contact him. Then sit down and tell him how the situation is effecting your relationship with him, that you are soon to be the mother of his child and therefore need his support. Be willing to listen to his side of things too, perhaps there is more to the situation than you are aware? Why does he feel so tied to his mother...? It's not healthy at his age.
Good luck
2006-11-01 02:54:20 · answer #11 · answered by kchick8080 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋