I keep going out with my close female friend, we go to dinner, lunch together and for drinks in the evening. We also take roadtrips together to the coast and to the country for walks, usually followed by dinner and its just the 2 of us.This happens at least every 2 weeks, if not on a weekly basis. We’re attracted to each other, flirt with each other, we’re in touch practically everyday, can only open up too me,feels very comfortable with me, enjoys spending time with me,we trust each other etc
She doesn’t like it when I mention other girls that I’m interested in or ask her for advice concerning them.She always tells me that she never pulled when she went out,she’s not interested in anyone, don’t fancy anyone,etc
We kissed once(very passionate,all over each other)a few months back and she said we should remain friends.She said that I don’t do it for her(also kiss), but still finds me attractive and the thought of us being intimate doesn’t repulse her. So how can’t I do it for her?
2006-11-01 02:41:55 · 17 answers · asked by Machine 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Said we have a platonic bond between us. She DON’T like talking about ‘us’ taking it further and changes the subject when I raise the topic or goes quiet. She’s never had a relationship.
When she opened up to me, she said: 1)She cares about me a lot,2)thinks about me a lot,3)can only open up fully to me (no one else), also told me many personal stuff from her past 4)really enjoys spending time with me (one on one),5)she only wants to txt me at certain times,i.e after a long day/travelling home,very personalized txt e.g. says how she’s feeling. When I told her I felt the same (as above), she said she don't see me in that way and nothing more would happen! When I asked why we’re not together she could not say why. She also apologised for a fling she had with a lad bck home and she didn’t mean to hurt me.
2006-11-01 02:42:14 · update #1
She now thinks that I started dating a girl and she practicaly ignored me, but has finally got back in touch after I txt her how much I miss her,thinking of her and we’ll always remain in touch-was this jealousy or just a coincidence? My behaviour has not changed towards her at all and I'm not actually dating anyone. Also when I joked she had a new boyfriend she shouted down the phone "what f**king boyfriend!there's no one, I wish I had one,f**king hell". Why'd she get so angry?
I can accept friendship, but why can’t I mention other girls to her seeing we’re only friends?Why does she get jealous? Does she have feelings for me or is she a c**k tease? Using me? Surely everything is there,no? Says she wants a boyfriend,it feels like I’m him at certain times!
Help,what she see this as?-what’s her game?
2006-11-01 02:42:28 · update #2
She's not a psyco, cares about others and has been numerous times that she's too kind/nice to others
2006-11-01 03:41:25 · update #3
Can't you just try to talk with her about this?
Tell her you would like to bring the relationship to the next level, if she wants it too. Perhaps she's scared that things will not work out as planned (and therefor will loose your friendship), but that's a risk you both will have to take...
If she denies she has romantic feelings for you, ask her why she gets so upset if you are talking about other girls. Explain why it is confusing for you. Say what you just said here: you would like it to be more OR you would like just being friends, BUT you would like to know what exactly is going on...
It seems only fair to me that she thinks about it, and makes a decission and let you know.
Love can be a wonderfull thing to let into your life, but you have to let it come to you. Open up and be loved, or don't love at all. Maybe you can tell her you are also afraid of loosing a good friend, but that you are not willing to risk loosing (perhaps) the love of your life. And if you really are as good friends as you tell, everything should work out just fine, even if the relation doesn't go as planned (romantically), this doesn't mean you can't be friends anymore...
PS We can only guess what's going on: you and her are the only ones who know how you feel about eachother. you should tell her, she should tell you. take a decission when you both know eachothers feelings...
2006-11-01 02:56:20 · answer #1 · answered by Eyeline 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To Whom Ever You Are,
It seems that you have a major delimma on your hands and you just can't figure out what you are supposed to do,say feel, and so on. Well in my opinion it seems that she could be playing you , I am sure you care a lot about her and want her to know that you are interested. It also seems she is having a hard time believing anything you are saying, almost like everytime you say something it is a lie. It does seem like in the beginning that she was sincere about her intentions but if I were you I would be careful about what I did because you may never know what she is capable of, not that I making out she is a psycho, certainly not. I don't think it is you yourself, it could be something in life that has hapeened causing her to become the way she is becoming, and may not be able to explain it to you afraid that you will not understand on the other hand it could be she is not ready entirely for a relationship fearing that the samething will happen this time that happen last time. Maybe if you get a chance to see her again and talk to her as a friend, and ask her if there is anything she would like to talk about , if not then don't push her because it cause her to be farther away from you. It seems you have done the best you can and so it sounds like it is all on her plate.
On the relationship status from her past it seems that she had a few relationships and they probably did not go well, or maybe she is just an old fashion girl, it does not seem she is picky about the type of guys she has been dating, maybe she is slowing down fearing that if she goes too fast that the relationshio will fall apart and that will be the end of it. It could something else, but whatever it is you will have to ask her to know, so don't blame yourself , because whatever is going on with her really have nothing to do with you, but still would be a good idea to talk her.
2006-11-01 03:02:13 · answer #2 · answered by gordonflames242003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's confused and doesn't know what she wants. She also seems to be afraid of commitment... she wants you THERE, but she doesn't want to feel committed to you. She has some issues. There's really not much you can do to change her (unless you're a psychologist or something of that nature). This relationship is probably never going to become a love relationship, only platonic. She likes having control over you and feeling like you're "waiting" for her. I think you should end the friendship; however, since I know you're probably not going to do it since your heart is invested in her, you need to straight up ask her where this is going. If she's a decent person, she'll let you know if there's a chance in h*ll for it to go beyond the teases,etc. Good luck!
2006-11-01 02:48:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okaaaay... She sounds like a girl who is deeply afraid, of men and relationships and possibly of intimacy/sex. However, she trusts you, and is not afraid of you, but when things start to get intimate, she gets panicky and pulls away. She may not even realise that she's doing this, so I wouldn't classify her as a 'tease', as such. I think you are a fantastic guy for sticking with her for so long, and I have no doubt but that she's a wonderful girl, too, but I think she probably has needs (emotional and psychological) that you can't possibly meet, because you're not a professional or a health-care provider. The best thing for her would be, of course, to enter into a supportive, loving, caring relationship which can progress as slowly as she needs it to, and with a man who understands her issues and fears. For this to happen, though, she needs to take a look at her actions and think about whether or not she has a problem of some sort, and consider getting some help. I'm not trying to say, in any way, that your friend is 'crazy' or has mental health issues - we are all, in some way, afraid of commitment and intimacy, but it may be that your friend has let it grow so big that it's taking too much space in her life. She has a guy who is willing to love and cherish her, and not everyone has that opportunity. She should try to take this chance to work through her problems and enter into a happier life.
However, as far as you're concerned, you need to put all this to her and then step back. Why not get her online with you, show her this question, let her read it along with all the answers, and see what she says? Gently tell her exactly how you feel, and exactly how she's making you feel, and how confused you are, and then let her deal with it. You can't be her counsellor for the rest of your life, and that's what will happen if you guys stay stuck in this pattern you're in. It's the easiest thing in the world for her to keep you waiting in the wings while she tries to sort herself out, and if you're willing to wait, then she's willing to make you wait. But you have a life to live, too, and you can't do that anymore. Try to tell her how you feel, and see what she says. Ask her straight out 'What is between us? Is it love? Do you want a full relationship with me, or will you give me some space to find one for myself, and can we just be friends?' Good luck. And remember, you can't solve all her problems. If she needs counselling or therapy, she needs to sort that out herself. Don't try to absorb all her problems - I'm sure you've got enough of your own! And well done on being such a nice guy.
I've also just been struck by a thought - if you guys are both really young, then just cool it with the intensity and let things happen at their own (albeit slow) pace. Life's too short for worries like this if you're still in your teens or early twenties. Good luck. X
2006-11-01 04:15:14 · answer #4 · answered by Sinead C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow she ever playing a game with you, it's up to you to stay friends with her, but no more touching, feeling, kissing any sexual contact with her and find someone you will be happy with, and if she can't be happy you found someone then she is not a true friend, friends will always be there no matter who your with and will back you up no matter what. But I would say she is playing a dangerous game here and I would not stand by it if I was a guy, and I would be telling her how she has made me feel cause of it, move on with your life, there are many other people out there that will be your true friend and not yell when you joke, and mean what they say, and do as they say. Sorry but yes not just guys play head games females do as well, and sorry you had found one of them. Good Luck!
2006-11-01 02:50:43 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this seems to me that you are an amazing friend who she loves being around but only on a platonic level! This is all well and good if that is a two way thing but it doesn't seem that way!
You seem to be more interested in her but this will only end up with you getting hurt!
She would not want you to get a girlfriend as this would clearly mean that she would get to spend less time with you and that would dissapoint her but if she wants to close with you in that way then she needs to make up her mind about how she really feels!
I hope things work out ok
Think about yourself!
2006-11-01 02:48:50 · answer #6 · answered by Updowndizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go by what YOU want in a relationship. If you want to take it further then tell her your ready to get more involved in her life and want to see her more and ask her if shes ready for the same thing. If she gets frustrated and acts angry because you discussed that with her , then my opinion from past experience means she is not really in LOVE with you and is keeping her options open for the right guy to come along. If your ready for a deeper committment which sounds to me like you are ; then TELL HER. Communication works ,most of the time. Don't mess with her head if you want to see other girls.Bringing up other girls only confirms to her that you'd just use her and in the long run ,"Hurt her emotionally". She's wise NOT to committ if thats what your after. Most females want stability in a relationship. I said MOST females IF their dating just one male at a time. If you want to see only her,tell her,get her reaction,move on or start building on what ya'll have if anything. Just remember, your both single, right?Only kissed once??? Thats NOT a good sign to me, I guess because I'm a kisser and love to show my affection by kissing especially when he kisses back.
2006-11-01 03:00:52 · answer #7 · answered by CryBaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i didnt know better, i could say i know who you are.
i had a friend going thru a very similar situation, only to end up hearing from this girl that, they were only friends and that it was never going to be anything else.
this girl has a very confusing behavior. dont get too involved, just enjoy the friendship. you already made a move, let her make the next. and go out with others, these kind of people tend to be very absorbent. they want nothing with you, but you cant have anything on the side either. i say its a game
2006-11-01 02:50:40 · answer #8 · answered by cruzanglero 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be yourself. If you have made your feelings towards her clear, then at least you can go to bed with a clear conscience. If her behaviours bother you, tell her. Let her know how her standoffish and aloofness makes you feel. Then, the onus is on her to either respect YOUR feelings and change her behaviour or disregard your feelings and continue on with her messed-up ways. Her behaviour is not right and she needs counselling. YOU need counselling as well, to figure out why you would stay in this unhealthy relationship...and it is a relationship...
Short version...Jettison the dead weight, leave her in the dust and move on to better things...
2006-11-01 02:53:56 · answer #9 · answered by Dave B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think she knows what she wants:
On one hand - she wants a relationship with you - shes displaying signs of jealous when you mention other women and obviously thinks a lot of you.
On the other hand - perhaps shes scared to take the plunge into admitting she wants a relationship in case it doesnt work out and she looses you as a valued friend.
I think you have to talk to her - tell her how you feel about it and what you would like to happen - maybe make a pact that regardless of what happens that you two should always remain as friends. good luck - I think you'll need it! xx
2006-11-01 03:38:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋