Words of wisdom for dealing with sick and aging father that is MEAN...?

Question

I tell myself that he is scared, he is old, life didn't go as he planned it, he wasn't the best Dad he could have been, he's frustrated, etc.....but way too often he is MEAN!!! and I put up with it. The hands off people all say not to let it bother me....but it does! Any words of wisdom?

Answer 1

He is old and cantankerous, very normal for the elderly. His hurtful ways towards you, are just a mirror of what he doesn't like in himself. Use the patience you've been equipped with and love him in all his faults. One day you'll get your 'well done'.

Answer 2

I too have a father who is mean and aging... I thought that as an adult and once I had children things would change, I was mistaken. Life is too short and too precious to let these things bother us, yet they do. What to do? I say have the best relationship you can with him, and as in my case put distance between your visits and calls. We live in the same town but see each other maybe once every two months. I learned we must pick out battles in life, and our victories. Pray that God will help him and remember it's not your fault, but his choice.

Answer 3

Who are the "hands off people"?

Of course it bothers you that your father is mean and rightly so! Does Dad live with you? Are you able to decide when to see him or is he constantly in your face?

You need to tell him that his behavior is hurting you and that his advanced age and ill health does not give him a license to be mean. If he doesn't live with you than tell him that unless he shapes up and curtails his abusive behavior, you're going to limit the amount of time you spend with him. If he lives with you, discuss the possibility of him moving to an assisted living facility.

Tough Love isn't just for children.

Answer 4

I know exactly what you're going through. My stepmom is going through the same exact thing with her mom. She has to give her a bath, make sure she takes her meds everyday..... And sometimes she is so mean. Says very hurtful things that aren't true, tells her she doesn't want to ever see her again.....
What you're going through is common in older people, what children have to deal with, with older parents. I'm not saying it's easy by no means, just that it's common. That is why a lot of people put their parents in nursing homes, because they just can't handle them. Just do the best you can, and when you can't handle it anymore call around to some nursing homes & see if you can get him in one.
There have a been a couple cases in my family where people swore their mom would NEVER go to a nursing home, that they would take care of her, but sometimes things just get so difficult you have no other choice but to leave it to people who are trained to deal with older aggressive people. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I remember my own dad who had terrorized our lives when he was still alive. When he was diagnosed with a terminal illness, he asked forgiveness from us whom he felt he had wronged. We forgave him and he passed away peacefully. May your dad have the same opportunity as our dad to repent and ask forgiveness for his wrong doings before it's too late. It would be a great relief for him and the people that he'd be leaving behind. Good luck!

Answer 6

Pray for him & try to respect him just BECAUSE he is your father. If he is abusive, simply steer clear. I have the same problem....since I was a child & to this day & I'm in my 40's. Also remember,, someday we will be old too.

Answer 7

I think you need to tell him exactly how you feel, the next time he is mean, tell him and also tell him he is leaving you with nothing but bad thoughts of him and is that how he wants to be remembered, he may stop and think Best to you