i want to see my son?

Question

i dont get to see my son at pressent but about 2 years ago i stopped seeing him at a contact center as his mother started to ask for money for stuff she had bought, i was paying csa yet she still asked for money, i want to see him again as i miss him even though i have a daughter now.
i would like to get to know him and for my daughter to know him as well.

Answer 1

Go and see a solicitor and get parental rights brought through the court and there shouldn't be a problem

Answer 2

I'm not understanding I guess..if you were paying child support (and on time with the full amount) each month..then there shouldn't have been a problem. If she was asking for more money all you had to do was have your lawyer write her a letter to stop her..if she wants more she could solicite through court - and they could approve that or not...so not sure why just because she was nagging you for more money - you saw that as a good reason to no longer see your son. That hurts my heart - I just don't understand that...BUT...live and learn I suppose, we all make mistakes..though that was huge. You have every right to see your son especially if you've been supporting him all along (at least financially). She may take you to court and a mediator may listen to her explain how you've not so much as seen him in 2 years...but the mediator (or judge - but will probably just be a family court mediator) will give you a stern warning about the importance of being a part of your son's life (so many men don't want anything to do with their children when they are babies - then when they are OLDER ..they want them part of their life again - this happens ALL the time)....but, in the long run:

*If your payments have all been on time and in full ...and,
*You stick solidly to the visitiation schedule you will be provided to see your son (since you didn't bother to utilize your previous visitation rights at the center - I'm sure they are no longer valid)...and,
*No proven valid reason can be found to show you to be irresponsible or a threat to the child (such as drug or alcolhol addiction, abusive behaviour, etc)
THEN..I am betting you'll be given this second chance to be a part of your son's life once again....be there for him his entire life, and never again let anything come between you and your son or either of your children for that matter.
My sincere good luck to you and your children.

Answer 3

Firstly, before speaking to your ex and informing her of your intent, I would suggest seeking legal advice just to confirm what your rights are. Undoubtedly, you are entitled to see you son. But this way, it will refresh your memory as to the does and don'ts.

Don't expect a warm welcome though.

You refused to see your son because of something your ex did - why punish the child? You only want to see him now for your own needs (you miss him and you want him to get to know his half sibling).

Having meetings at a contact centre implies that there has been some professional intervention and so you would have been informed as to your legal obligations. Furthermore, the CSA would have also informed you that you would not need to pay extra, unless you wanted.

Therefore bearing this in mind, it seems like a trivial reason to stop seeing your son.

HOWEVER

Before you go charging in there, think about how your son would have felt when you stopped seeing him and how this would have impacted on your ex.

I really hope you manage to mend the relationship between yourself and your son. But you have a long and difficult road ahead. Don't blow it this time.

Answer 4

You sound like a good guy. Everyone is jumping on your case for your past actions, even though you'reTRYING to make things right. If they're going to criticize your past mistakes, they should criticize the mother even more for telling you parenting time equals more money. I'll take a guess that she probably doesn't even work. Yet you have a daughter, son plus must work.

As far as visitation, a lawyer is unfortunately the way to go. Alot of women actually think children don't need their fathers these days, so the mother will probably be stubborn about it.

Answer 5

I am assuming that there were reasons the visits were at a contact centre, therefore if you are seeing him there and all contacts went well, there is no reason to see your ex and if you are paying csa monies, why not write and ask to set them up again at this centre or consult a solicitor, if you pay any extra, keep receipts and tell csa she is getting extra money. But there are always two sides to a story.. perhaps seek some legal advice first.

Answer 6

Soundslike you need to make amends, what the hell gives you the right to just stop seeing him over money! And then go on to have a daughter! You sound like you have put money aguements before your son!
Are you happy now you have lost 2 yrs of his growing up, hope it was worth all that money you have saved! Get real pay whatever you should and offer more when you can, don't be such a coward and walk away from your son just because you couldn't come to some financial arrangement! don't be surprised if he doesn't want to know you!

Answer 7

I don't know why his mother wanted more money. That is neither here nor there. All you have to do is say "no".
I don't understand how this could possibly affect your visiting your son. Sounds like a cop out to me.
However, assuming you've grown up and can handle the situatuion a bit better now, there's no reason why you shouldn't see your son. But please bear in mind the child is fragile and that his feelings have been deeply hurt by your rejectinghim. I think it is great that you want to renew your relationship with him, but please make a commitment and stick to it.
My ex-husband frequently didn't bother to turn up and often let my boys down. It broke their hearts. I wanted him to have a good relationship with them - every son needs a father. However, I was also expected to stand back and watch him hurt them. He was quick to tell people how evil I was and turning the boys against him, when I was trying to protect them. To this day, they don't know that he wanted them adopted rather than pay maintenance.
Kids cost - it's no joke. If you want your child to fit in with everyone, wear the saem trendy clothes, eat well, and have all the necessities that make a balanced childhood, be prepared to pay up. That's what kids need. But a loving kind father is even better.

Answer 8

I have thought long on your question. I was brought up by my Father and I would be on your side. But YOU want to see your son. Does he want to see you. Wanting and getting are two different things. In my experience a Lawyer won't get you anywhere. Phone the boy's Mother ask to be included in his life. Arrange to meet him a small amount of time at first. Then see how things go. Be nice, but don't give into demands for money.
Good luck!
Good Dad's are hard to find, keep with it.

Answer 9

I'm in the same boat, basically. I lost custody of my two year old daughter to her sorry *** father back in January. They won't let me see her or talk to her. I am expecting a baby in January, and I don't even think they've told her about it.
On your case, I would say try to get a lawyer. That's all you can do. As for the money, you are obligated to pay the child support for the SUPPORT of the CHILD, not his mama. Hence the name. Good luck, and if you need anybody to talk to, you can message me.

Answer 10

If you are paying child support on a regular basis and it was court ordered then you have the right to see your son. If there is a court order in place then you need to follow the courts order about the visitation. If you are allowed unsupervised visits then you can call the attorney general office for your area and ask them what procedure you should utilize to be able to see your son.
If you are making voluntary payments with no court order then you really have no recourse unless you decide to take her to court to establish support and visitation. Fight for your right to see your son and make sure he knows you care about him. Do everything legally so that your ex has no "ammo" to use against you with the courts or your son.

Answer 11

The CSA are very unrealistic, your ex spends all her money on your son & so thought it not unreasonable to ask for a little extra from you, then you say no, that's a big kick in the teeth considering how much she has to fork out for your child!

Tell her you want to see him, if she demands more money see a solicitor! It's not right of her to ask for money off you just to see your son but if she's skint then what's the harm in giving her a bit more!