Swearing @ Work?

Question

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some
individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the
course
of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to
accurately express your feelings when communicating with
colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases
have
been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't have a f*cking clue, do you?

>>>2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
>>>INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking power-crazy b*tch.
>>>
>>>3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
>>>INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?
>>>
>>>4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
>>>INSTEAD OF: F*ck off a*se-wipe.
>>>
>>>5) TRY SAYING: Really?
>>>INSTEAD OF: Well f*ck me backwards with a telegraph pole.
>>>
>>>6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
>>>INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a f*ck.
>>>
>>>7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
>>>INSTEAD OF: Not my f*cking problem, mate.
>>>
>>>8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
>>>INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?
>>>
>>>9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the
>>>given
>>>timescale.
>>>INSTEAD OF: No f*cking chance mate.
>>>
>>>10) TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.
>>>INSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that yesterday?
>>>
>>>11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
>>>INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his f*cking a*se.
>>>
>>>12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
>>>INSTEAD OF: Oi, f*ck face.
>>>
>>>13) TRY SAYING: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.
>>>INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs f*cking holidays anyway.
>>>
>>>
>>>Thank You,
>>>Human Resources

Answer 1

Brilliant.

And guilty as charged.

Tee fu**ing hee.

Answer 2

I'm a big fan of swearing full stop (it makes me feel both big *and* clever), but I can understand why swearing at work's considered a bit off-key.

The people at my current job aren't quite as easy-going as my last place, so much of my daily swearing is now restricted to quiet ones under my breath; very rarely out loud in conversation, which is a fûcking shame if you ask me.

Answer 3

This is the most hilarious joke Ive heard on this site.

No, swearing is not permitted in the workplace.

Answer 4

Ha ha Im sending that to my boss- he told me to p*ss off on my first day, I knew we were gonna get along after that!

Answer 5

sounds like our place of gainful employment

Answer 6

quality this will be posted at work tomorrow lol

Answer 7

nice

Answer 8

nice

Answer 9

It's called manners dear.

Answer 10

totally funny!