I'm too good for him. why do i feel the need to stay with him?

Question

I am in a relationship with a man that I adore to high heavens. The thing is I am almost certain that he has been cheating on me and to make things worse he his now in prison.
I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 24. We have been together for just over a year. Our relationship has been going down hill for a couple of months now and He makes me feel as if I am the one to blame.
He has been hanging around with new people who go out stealing and beating people up. And although he had nothing to do with the last incident that happened he has gone down for it.
A drug test was taken at the police station has shown up positive for heroine and cocaine. And as far as I know he has always been anti-drug. He promises me that he has not been taking drugs and I can’t help but doubt him.
Since he has been in prison I have been up to his flat to sort out some of my stuff and I stumbled across some condoms. The thing is we never use condoms. And I cant help but think about the time he told me he cheated

Answer 1

You just said you are too good for him. You know the answer.
Why you think you need to stay is you are feeling there is some way you can change him, or he will change. Get that word 'Change' right out of your head. He will NOT change, and you can't make him change. So just drop that word, and ask yourself, do you want to put up with this for the rest of your life with him?? that's the question.

He had a test done for drugs in his system.. He then is in FACT doing drugs, he can't test positive when he's not doing it.. that's impossible, and the cops tests aren't going to lie.

As the saying goes.. "You Are Who You Hang Around With"
I suppose he claims that the condoms are his friends too?

Think about this thoroughly.
You KNOW you are better.. you are also still young... get on with your life. Drop the one that's bringing you down.

Answer 2

So let's recap here - he is in prison, he has failed a drugs test for heroin and cocaine, he has a supply of condoms and his mates go around stealing and beating people up. And your reasons for staying are what? Because he happened to tell you he loves you a couple of times and you believed him? If I tell you I love you, will you believe me?

He says that he didn't have anything to do with the last incident. Doesn't that mean that he did have something to do with the incident before that? Does it really matter whether he did or didn't have anything physically to do with the incident - he was present when someone was attacked. Did he do anything to stop it or intervene? No? Then he is as guilty as the one who did hit that poor person.

ou cannot thwart a drugs test. This states that he takes heroin and cocaine. Yes, heroin and cocaine. How is he paying for this if he isn't beating up old ladies? He's an out and out liar and now he's in prison as well.

But the absolute worst thing about what you say above is that you have found condoms at his flat and you know that this is suspicious because you two don't use them. What? It's pretty academic now as he is in prison anyway but he has been lying to you all along about his drug usage. Who's to say he hasn't been infected one way or another with hepatitis or worse and through unprotected sex, he has passed that infection on to you? Who's to say that because of his lifestyle he hasn't had sex with an infected person without a condom and then had sex with you?

It is absolutely imperative that you get tested for every sexually transmitted disease. This can be done at a local GUM clinic - number in the phone book. Once you've got the all clear (hopefully), put as much distance between you and him as you possibly can. You know yourself that this is what you have to do. Standing by him is not an heroic act - it would be pure stupidity. In prison, he is likely to learn more tricks and when he is released, he will quickly return to dirty life of violence to feed an even filthier habit and he will drag you down into the gutter too.

Leave now whilst you still have a chance.

Answer 3

I think you know the answer to this one!
He uses drugs and was tested at the police station with a positive result yet he says he hasn't taken any drugs!
He is a liar, and didn't you think that the condoms tell you something, he is now in prison so forget about him and get a life with a nice guy, I'm sure there are some out there

Answer 4

Hi, i'm in a similar position although my boyfriend is not in prison i'm certain he has been cheating on me...
He has done it before but we worked it out and then moved in together..but the thing is he then got too comfortable and things went downhill these last few months...He would stay out after a night out and claim he was at a party but not ring me and he wouldn't come back until dinner time the next day.
He would also have his mobile constantly in his pocket and would never leave it lying around prob for fear I would look at it (which I never did).
Then last weekend I found condoms in his wallet - which we never use....he claims that he got them off the front of a magazine, but I have checked all recent magazines and he is lying.....he claims they have been in there for months..so he did have the intention to use them and also I was due to go away with friends on the same weekend I found them........
I'm really sorry this has happened to you and it really does hurt and yes I do still love him, I prob always will as we have been together almost 8 yrs........but there is no way you can trust him ever again..they don't change.. xxx

Answer 5

You're 19, he's in jail, a drug user and he cheated on you. Are you looking for permission to leave him? And if you don't use condoms how do you prevent STDs or getting pregnant? The next time you have sex with anybody use a condom, and when he comes home from jail hope that he don't have a boyfriend.

Answer 6

I think that he is lying to you. If the police tested him and he tested positive then he HAS taken drugs. If you found condoms and you two never used them then I would say he was using them on someone else. This man is going to tell you what he thinks you want to hear so he can keep you. My suggestion is get out while you can before he brings you down to his level.

Answer 7

You love him more than you love yourself. You need to check that. "Love yourself enough to know when it's time to LET GO." Mary J. Blige...
anywho... just like here on answers, we want to know that we are capable of helping, loving unconditionally and even saving others. BUT you cannot be foolish enough to try to save someone who won't even save themselves. You're living in a world of denial, girl - - - your man is a cheating drug addict. Get away from him. Do it without fear or guilt.
You can be his friend, but 1. get over him first and 2. understand that you deserve a NORMAL life, with a GOOD man. Your first statement above said it all. Screw your head on a little tighter and move on. You'll be so much happier without his drama and low lifed lifestyle dragging you down. Again, don't feel guilty, okay? Okay!

Answer 8

listen to yourself, go back and read your first statement. Dude is in Jail, what can he possibly do 4 u while he's in jail, you need get off your behind and move on. Do you love yourself??? If so then you'd have enough self esteem to not let this bother you. You're only 19 you have a full life ahead of you. A drug addict will lie to you, i know you're smarter than that. Go find you a new man.

Answer 9

i think you stay cos you want to 'save' him. it won't work. he can't test positive for heroin and cocaine and deny being on them cos it is obvious he is lying. he has made a whole bunch of new friends who seem to be dragging him downwards. you don't like them. if you keep trying to 'save' him he could end up destroying what confidence you have left and then get you started on drugs to make you feel better. LEAVE HIM NOW. i know it will be difficult cos he is in jail and it seems disloyal but while he is in there it will give you time to get your new life started and by the time he comes out you will be well and truly settled and won't be talked into giving it another go. please - leave before your life takes a turn for the worse.

Answer 10

Because you are stupid where he is concerned. Let's see (1) relationship going downhill, but it is all your fault, he is the innocent party, you big meanie (2) runs with a crowd that steals and beats people up, but doesnot do that Does he hold their coats? (3) Doesnot do drugs but tested positive. Cops have it in for him and railroaded him? (4) Has condoms in his apartment but does not use them with you. Keeps them for his friends that might come over w a girl so that they can practice safe sex? This man is shooting u a load of bull. LOSE THE LOSER.