I have had a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. He lives about 300 miles from me, we talk a few times a week, and we see each other about 2 or 3 times a month.He is unhappy in his job and really wants to move out of his small town and start a new life. So we have been talking for a few months about him moving into my house here in Atlanta. Last night, he called me saying he wants to move in next week. I am really nervous because I have never lived with a man other than my father. I am excited because I love him dearly and would do anything to help him out, but I'm also scared because I don't want to completely have to change my habits and lifestyle to accomodate another person. This is a major turning point in our relationship. I am looking for advice from people that have been in a similar situation. I do not want to hear about the moral or religious side of "shacking up" please, I grew up Catholic so I know. Any pointers to save my sanity?
2006-11-01 01:26:35 · 8 answers · asked by Shoddy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
moving in together is a huge step. Did he stay with you when you saw each other before? How was he then? Did he leave his suitcase all over? is he clean or messy? clingy or independent?
If you really like this guy, I think this is a great oppurtunity to see how compatible you really are. The hard part, of course, is if you decide that it's not right, and he feels like he is really putting it on the line to move out there and be with you. So if it doesn't work, he now is in a new city, with no job (at least right away) and not knowing anyone. I am not sure how far away he is moving from, but consider that before you go blindly along with him moving in. You should be sure that there are other housing options available, because there is a very real possiblility that when he moves in, there may be issues... not necessarily because you guys aren't meant to be together, but because of the instant-proximity. Going from long-distance to every night bed-buddies is a HUGE (and possibly jarring) experience. Just be prepared. You have to be ready for your space to be invaded. I don't know how independent a person you are, but there are going to be times when you are like, "I WANT TO DO SOMETHING BY MYSELF".. Him, not having an immeadiate job, not knowing anyone else in the city, is going to be on you 24/7.....
I guess just be prepared and know what you are getting into. Seeing someone a few days a month is a lot different then someone being there every hour of every day. Just keep it real and be up front with him about taking a little time for yourself.
Here's an idea I just came up with.... Get him a gym membership, or a time-consuming activity as a "moving in" present. It will be a nice gesture, but also ensure you a little time to yourself where he is occupied. You can take a bath, clean up a bit, read a good book, or watch Grey's Anatomy or some other show that will be constantly getting interrupted by his Family Guy or NFL addiction.
Just thoughts. Hope they help. Good luck and I hope it all works out for the best. You'll know if he's the one very soon!
2006-11-01 01:53:51 · answer #1 · answered by soccrian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you shouldnt change your habits and lifestyle to accomodate another person, let alone the person you love. You both should love each other enough to want to be together and not worry about how each other lives. That is, both of you should be able to live together as a unit but also still have your separate idenities. My bf and I did that for 2 1/2 weeks (stayed together), and it was great. You really get to see what each other is like outside of the dating (like little habits, etc..). If little habits or things start to bug either of you, then discuss them though. Dont let them slip by because it will just eat at you. I wish you luck.
2006-11-01 01:33:22 · answer #2 · answered by prodigy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've seen this a few times with friends of mine and the one that worked out best was when they both decided to make the move it was agreed that they would live seperate but close enough to not make it a long distance relationship.
She move from a small town to be near her guy. When she arrived she stayed with him for about a week to 10 days and once she found a place to live moved into it. They kept their bill seperate etc. They simply were b/f & g/f and dating more regularly.
This allowed for them to get to know each other on a surface level too. When you long distance date you tend to be on your best behavior when seeing each other. You need to take time to learn about each others daily habits and determine if the habits are ones you can accept before you move in together.
Once he has lived closer to you for about a year or so then I would say the discussions about living together can be started.
Good Luck.
2006-11-01 01:34:13 · answer #3 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are not sure that you are ready for this step then be honest with him. Why not just see how you go living in the same city first (actually seeing each other on a regular basis), and see how things move from there. Setting up a home together is not something to take lightly - it could destroy your relationship if both of you are not ready.
The other thing which gives me pause from what you have written is the reason why you are contemplating moving in together. This is a step which should be made for reasons of love and wanting to deepen the commitment, not for convenience. If he loves you, he should be able to understand your concerns and respect that.
2006-11-01 01:41:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Put a time limit on the length of stay you are extending. Explain to him that you care, want to continue the relationship with him and in no way mind a temporary living situation; but, that you moved into your own space because you wanted your OWN space. Having him there would change your chosen arrangement and therefore the dynamic between you two.
If he gets offended or doesn't think he can handle your need for space, then tell him to find other digs. You're dating, not related, so don't try and change his mind or bring him around to your way of thinking...just prepare for the worst and hope for the best! Bon Chance!
2006-11-01 01:32:06 · answer #5 · answered by wetdreamdiver 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly when i saw your question i have a scetical mind toward it, but when i read through the ad-on i can see that you have a good start-up with the guy.
from your point you love him and you are really in love with him, but you nervous because he is coming to leave with you.
i would like to say that you have to be yourself, and think about the great future yo will have together. you must have it at the back of your mind that your relationship with your father is different from this gentle man that is about to become your husband, your companion.
so sister, be yourself and dont trying to be somebody that you are not, for this may frustrate the relationship the man has for you.
i wish you best in this regards
2006-11-01 01:49:09 · answer #6 · answered by phemmy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are nervous about it, ask yourself why. When he comes to town does he have a job lined up or will he be leaching off of you? How long does he plan to wait before finding a job? And what does he plan to do around the house if he don't have a job?
2006-11-01 01:37:28 · answer #7 · answered by Daddy Big Dawg 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
trust me
bad move
i know you're just trying to help but sometimes when you help someone you are doing more harm than good
2006-11-01 01:29:25 · answer #8 · answered by rsuavez66 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋