I am divorced with 2boys from my marriage. I am also raising a third son that is biracial and autistic. I am engaged to a black man and I am white. My man has told me he has not bonded with my other 2 boys after 4 years and he as of a month ago was still texting his significant exgirlfriend. He has lied about having contact with her. I cannot seem to get past these issues. Plus one argument we had over the summer he said he was going to kill himself (Because he was upset) infront of my children and left me alone with all 3 boys to deal with. I no longer feel like his partner. There is no intimacy. I feel like a single mother and all alone.
2006-11-01 00:30:20 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
For the sake of your kids and yourself - leave this guy. What kind of a role model is he going to be for your kids? What kind of a boyfriend or husband is he going to be for you? You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders and recognize that you need to walk away from this relationship. Sure it's going to be difficult emotionally, financially, etc. but in the long run it's worth it. You're worth it! Your kids are worth it! Take care of yourself and leave this guy behind.
2006-11-01 00:41:03 · answer #1 · answered by sunssecret 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. you are a single mother for all intensive purposes. He has issues if he says he has not bonded with 2 of your boys after 4 yrs. He is the adult so it is his responsibility to keep up with the relationships not the kids.One big problem is fighting or arguing in front of the kids....that should never happen. It makes the kids feel like they are in the way and somehow to blame for the fighting going on in the house. Right now your first priority should be your kids and what is best and healthy for them. If he isn't there for his kids and is too busy messing with his ex I would say to get rid of him. What's going on there now is not healthy for the kids. You owe it to them to either get some counseling and make it work or tell him it;s time to move on because you aren't willing to come in second behind the ex, Focus on you and your kids and on making a life for the 4 of you....let him go,
2006-11-01 00:43:02 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a single mom raising two boys also. And unlike you, I was beat by their dad in front of them and they had to see all of that. But I got out and now I work in realestate, and go to school for criminal law. You can only take so much and you get done to you what you let someone do. You and your children deserve more than that. If he hasn't bonded with them SO WHAT........they don't need him they need you. STRONG, HEALTHY, LOVING, AND NURTURING THEM, FOR YEARS TO COME NOT IN A HOSPITAL SOMEWHERE, AND DRUGGED OUT OF YOUR MIND BECASUSE OF YOUR NERVES. I am here to tell you that you can do it on your own. I do everyday. and I will never let another man make me feel like I can't do something, or am somebody because I am. I am a really cool mommy, and I can go to bed every night and know that at the end of the day, I did the best I could for my kids, and their life.
can you say that every night, knowing that the man who says LOVES YOU, and still calls his ex- hasn't bonded with your kids.
YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Once a player always a player. I don't know if he is or not, but he isn't honest with you, and if you don't feel intimate, waht do you really have???? The touch of your partner is supposed to make you feel safe, like everything will be ok. You are a mommy to 3 kids first and foremost. before you are anything else in your life, your kids will be their forever, ............WILL HE????????????? I am not trying to offend you, but honey, I have been their and done that. I did it for 8 years before I got out, and my kids were 2 & 3 when I left their daddy. and now looking back, I waisted so many years for absolutely NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't make the same mistake, you can't make someone feel something they don't. You want someone to love you and your kids. just like they do you. You are a package deal. and if it isn't their after 4 years, IT NEVER WILL BE AND THAT MEANS HE HAS FAKED IT ALL THIS TIME, AND YOU DON'T NEED SOMEONE THAT IS FAKE TO YOU OR YOUR KIDS. ESPECIALLY YOUR KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Move on now, and chalk it as a loss. You will be ok. You were ok I'm sure before him and will be ok after him. You deserve honesty trust friendship and intimacy. and so do your kids. They need to be with someone that is honest with them and will love them UNCONDITIONALLY FOREVER.
good luck in all you do, and I hope for you and your kids, you make the right decision. Don't just decide for yourself, do it for them also.
God Bless you,
DAPHNE
2006-11-01 01:15:43 · answer #3 · answered by Daphne F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have enough on your plate without having to deal with a manipulative partner. Your kids come first, no one else. Since you said you are at a crossroad, then you know you have a choice to make.
2006-11-01 00:34:54 · answer #4 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you feel abused whether its physical mental or verbal then you need to find someone to talk to about this if the relationship is that unstable then its time for a change there are many agencies that can assist you in getting help to get on your feet please dont put your children through this emotional turmoil make a new life for yourself and your children you can do it i will say a prayer for you and wish you much happiness in the future and he shouldnt talk about killing himself especially in front of your children but most people that talk about suicide dont plan on doing it otherwise they would try to keep it to themselves so that no one would be able to stop them
2006-11-01 00:37:49 · answer #5 · answered by angel afraid and sad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 8 months pregnant, and me and my DH don't hardly talk and don't have sex and this is #4 for me, his 1st child. I think once it gets to the point of a women feeling like she is doing it all--a single mom-then it's over. Good luck!
2006-11-01 00:33:56 · answer #6 · answered by blonde_bitch_norris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out there!.....don't believe him in saying he's going to kill himself, he trying to make you feel guilty, dont give in to emotional blackmail.....as for the significant ex, she's never been an ex by the sound of it!.....he doesn't deserve you or the kids, he has no respect!...it's about you and your children now....get out now, the longer you stay the worse it will get.....
2006-11-01 00:50:19 · answer #7 · answered by Just passing the time! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So why are you still there? Think of what's best for the kids, if not yourself...get out and get a healthy life going for you and your children....
Get busy!
2006-11-01 00:33:12 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
then why are you still in this situation? think of whats best for your children, they're the only ones who matter in the end!
2006-11-01 00:38:03 · answer #9 · answered by *HEiDi!* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO QUESTION!!!!!!!!!I HAD A FRIEND FRIENDS'S THAT WAS FOUND MURDER LAST WEEK ABOUT THE SAME OF STUFF!!!!!!! Please take your kids and leave sweetie. We only live once and it is time to go. Please if not for your self do it for the kids! be Bless no Stress!
2006-11-01 00:39:58 · answer #10 · answered by God's chosen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋