husband-wife related decent short jokes, one-liners, SMS quotes preferred.
Thank you.
2006-11-01 00:00:37 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Wife n hubby had a quarrel
They went for a ride
on the way the saw a farm with pigs roaming around
hubby remarked-"your relatives"
wife-"yup,my inlaws"
2006-11-01 00:14:05 · answer #1 · answered by Amrita 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
10. You! Off my planet!
11. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
12. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
15. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
16. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
17. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
18. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
19. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
20. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
22. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
23. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
24. Adults are just kids who owe money.
25. You say I'm a b(itc)h like it's a bad thing.
26. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
28. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
29. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
30. You look like s***. Is that the style now?
31. Earth is full. Go home.
32. Is it time for your medication or mine?
33. Does this condom make me look fat?
34. I plead contemporary insanity.
35. And which dwarf are you?
36. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. Meandering to a different drummer.
39. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
40. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
2006-11-01 00:06:42 · answer #2 · answered by ngbreeca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doctor: "I have good news and bad. The good is you have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "Oh no! then what's the bad news?"
Doctor: “I forgot to call you yesterday."
2. Wife: “Give me some money. I want to buy a bra”.
Husband: “Why? You have nothing to put in it!”
Wife: “Well, You wear shorts!”
3. Kid: “dad, I got a role in the school play, I play a man who’s been married for twenty years”.
Father: “That’s great son. One day you’ll get a speaking part”.
2006-11-01 00:05:31 · answer #3 · answered by Electric 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You might think this is in bad taste.. but it made me laugh.
Person 1: Did you hear Michael Jackson is bringing out a new single!
Person 2: No! What is it?
Person 1: It's a remake of Elton John's song
Person 2: Really? Which one?
Person 1: Yeah, don't let your son go down on me..
2006-11-01 00:03:58 · answer #4 · answered by Alana B 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There was a farmer that had 3 lovely daughters. It was Friday and they all were getting ready to go out with dates. The door bell rang and the farmer answered the door.
Hi my name is Joe. I am here to pick up Flo we are going to se a show.
Farmer gives his blessing and tells them to have a good time and be home early.
The door bell rang a 2nd time.
Hi, my name is Eddie, I am here for Betty, we are going to eat Spaghetti.
Farmer gives his blessing and tells them to have a good time and be home early.
The door rang a thrid time.
Hi my name is Chuck.
The farmer shot him.
2006-11-01 00:10:13 · answer #5 · answered by memorris900 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly."How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
2006-11-01 00:05:25 · answer #6 · answered by Honeyisle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little girl went to a wedding service with her mum. She saw the bride.She asked,"Why is the bride wearing white?"
Her mum answered,"Because she is the happiest woman alive."
The girl pointed to a man...."Why is the groom wearing black?"
2006-11-01 00:16:40 · answer #7 · answered by Lyrical Lie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
95% of chevy trucks are still on the road the other 5% made it home.
2006-11-01 00:05:12 · answer #8 · answered by will79601 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's one for you.
When your husband is angry, dont shout back.
Dont fight just hug him and whisper:
"Stop It! or sleep outside!"
hope that makes you laugh!;)
2006-11-01 00:17:47 · answer #9 · answered by heny0 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nock nock
who's their
Boo
Boo who
their their don't cry
( Not really fun )
2006-11-01 00:05:07 · answer #10 · answered by Brittany W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋