My boyfriend just wants to hang out with me but never comes on to me. He'll go with the flow if I make the effort but he doesn't seem bothered otherwise. I've become really upset about it and worry that he doesn't fancy me anymore. I'm not very confident about my body and admittedly I am negetive about it alot - he says my paranoias have put him off being intimate with me because I think he's only doing it because I tell him to! Does that sound like a real reason? I'm not sure... He's been through a bad patch lately (he had a health problem that led to him losing his job and he was out of work for months and living at his parents) but things are back on track now apart from this issue and now I think he just doesn't want me anymore. He still says he loves me and he seems to want to spend time with me though so I'm confused?!
2006-10-31 22:51:22 · 35 answers · asked by Juniper 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
OK, here it is. First of all, ALL men, yes ALL, have fantasies and they all want to have a spicy intimate relationship with the one person they have to chose to be intimate with. Now, all you have to do is gain some confidence in yourself and have some fun turn this issue around to where it's no longer an issue. Yes, I know it's easier said then done. Listen to me, tell yourself how great you are, how lucky any man would be to be with you. You have to carry that attitude around because if you can't feel good and comfortable with yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? Think about it. When you feel confident, you welcome other people to get closer, and when you feel fear, you build an invisible shield that even you can't get through eventually. Stop what you have been doing, because as you can see, it isn't working for you, and put a smile on your face and get what you want! I really believe that your lack of confidence has created this problem. Didn't your boyfriend fall in love with you for the way you look? Well, you are still you, love yourself the way he does...for you. If you lose yourself, he'll lose who you are too, and that makes for a very unhappy relationship.
2006-10-31 23:06:28 · answer #1 · answered by wizardburg28 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do.... dont pressure him... he will run a mile...
My blokes similar... he had a bout of depression and when he came out of it he mentioned in a heart to heart that he felt like i had a higher s*x drive than him and felt that sometimes he was only performing to make me happy... admittadly i know that i have a higher s*x drive and have to understand that he isnt a machine and certainly wont perform on demand (unlike my rabbit)... Your bloke probably loves you to bits regardless of the amount of 'rumpy pumpy' you do or do not have... right now it sounds like a case of the more he pulls away the more you go full on!!! My sugestion would be to realise that you are 'in love' and that s*x isnt the be all and end all of the relationship... i mean how on earth will you cope when he's 70 and unable to!!!
Lay off the pressure and show understanding a little more... soon it will be the other way... he will be chomping at the bit and your gonna be like... "but i just want to hold you tonight"
Good Luck hon...
Oh and if you want to discuss this further mail me on
madamdeherte@hotmail.co.uk
2006-11-01 03:17:56 · answer #2 · answered by Cat ( " , ) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's depressed, honey. I don't think its that he doesn't fancy you, its probably that because he has had been through such a rough patch lately that he has lost his sex drive. I don't think the reason he's given you is the real reason, but if he is down, he probably won't realise it, and realise that is the reason. I got made redundant a while ago, and loads of stuff went wrong in my life, and I haven't felt like having a pom-pom with my other half for ages. I've been to the Dr., and been put on anti-depressants, and things are getting better. Just give him time, and be there for him, and things should pick up...If they don't, then maybe you should encourage him to go for counselling, to talk about it, or go to the Dr., to rule out any medical reasons for his lack of sex drive. Good luck!
2006-10-31 22:59:28 · answer #3 · answered by iwatchedthestarsfallsilently 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to work on your self-worth.
If you do not find yourself attractive and you are always criticising your body, then how can he find it easy to get into bed with you? You see, you are telling him upfront that his desire for you is wrong in some way, that he is making a mistake because you do not like your physical attributes. How can he then justify that he likes all the things that you claim are ugly, or not up to scratch?
No one likes to go to bed with someone who is riddled with insecurities about themselves.
I think he is giving you a real reason. And it says something that he still wants to spend time in your company despite this.
So, quit putting yourself down. Work on really loving yourself and your body. It is the only one you have and you need to get comfortable with that.
There is no such thing as perfection. That only exists in airbrushed magazines.
Good luck.
2006-10-31 23:14:52 · answer #4 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is out of respect. This days, men and women can't wait to jump into bed and make out with each other, given the signal. But, there are still men and women, at this age and time, everywhere, who respect each other enough to refrain sex and intimacy till they have taken their vows for each other. I think that is very sweet. True happiness is loving and respecting each other as partners. That would follow with commitment and fulfillment towards each other. The so-call free sex and co-habitation may sound fancy. But, so are the doggies in the street. Therefore, maybe he respects you and want to wait till later. Be patient and be happy about it.
2006-10-31 23:05:43 · answer #5 · answered by Tortee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all consider what kind of health problem it is.Your negativity will turn men off.His manhood is very much challenged being that he lost his job and is living with his parents.He probably feels he is not capable of accomlising much of anything if he is to start.RE; Lovemaking
Dont put so much emphasis on it he feels pressured its not gonna happen.
2006-10-31 23:13:12 · answer #6 · answered by llittle pee wee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was the other way round and you didn't want sex with him, it would be more readily accepted. People presume that men always want sex, and that's why you're feeling paranoid.
My sex drive is low at the moment because i have alot more things going on taking my energy, in no way does this mean i no longer want to be with my partner, and infact i love him more for not putting pressure on me to do it.
Don't be confused, accept his love and don't pressure him,
then things will fall into place !!!
2006-10-31 23:00:53 · answer #7 · answered by Coley 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
how old is ur bf by the way? anyway y r u not confident abt ur body? no matter how it looks like, ur bf has accepted for wat u r rite? that's y he chose to be with u... u should first stop being paranoid abt ur body...i suggest u try to spice it up a little u know... dress sexily and walk in front of him while he's watchin tv or sth... do somethin tat might catch his attention and arouse him and see if he comes to u.. and when u finally get in the act with him, make sure u r 100% comfortable abt it and please do not fake it.... i m sure he loves u alot.. and u should have confidence in urself to pull this r/ship thru...
2006-10-31 22:59:14 · answer #8 · answered by SyaKiRa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW i have the EXACT same problem, i spoke to him about it in the end coz it was upsetting me, i said all we do lately is just foreplay, everytime he is with me i blow him and idont get nothing!
he said he aint a 16 year old horney teenager no more and dont want it all the time, i said just coz YOU dont want it done mean I dont want it. kinda sorted it out, i think he realised that i was just giving him oral all the time and he just totally neglected me.
we are better now.
please have a word, with him tell him everything!! good luck xXx
2006-10-31 22:57:17 · answer #9 · answered by Fader's Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and have a good talk, 'cos only he will know what is exactly going on. Tell him how you feel about him not wanting to sleep with you and see what his reaction is. Talk things out 'cos it will help.
2006-10-31 22:54:54 · answer #10 · answered by teddytrin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋