What is the best way to address children who have problems with sharing?

Question

I have yet to find a highly successful method for dealing with such a problem with the 2-3 year olds at the nursery in which I work.

Answer 1

Don't take the toy away or force them to share. It won't teach them to problem solve on their own. It's hard to share! What if your neighbor wanted you to share your new car or dress? How would you feel if you had to? It's the same thing when it comes to a child sharing their most prized possessions. They don't want to either!

For children to share, they need to be able to empathize. This is what I do in my classroom. A child can use something as long as they like. When they put it away another child can use it. This is a classroom rule and the children except it. Sometimes a child may not want to let another child use it because they know the other child really wants it. The best thing to do in this case is to do some problem solving with them. What you should do is 1st-Help the children identify the problem. Both children want the same toy. “It looks that two people want the same thing. 1 toy and 2 children.” Empathize. “I can tell “Emma” really wants that. It’s upsetting that “Molly” won’t give it to you.” 2nd-Encourage them to contribute ideas for solving the problem and give them time to think of ideas. If they cannot come up with ideas provide some of your own (1 can have it for 5 minutes then the other can have it. They decide to find something else. They decide to use it together or put it away). 3rd-Restate their ideas in a positive way. 4th-Help them decide which idea they prefer. 5th-Help them carry out a solution (i.e., tell them when 5 minutes are up). 6th-Reinforce the process by telling them how well they solved their problem.

Do not place any blame, try and figure out who had it first, order them to take turns, separate them, scold them about sharing, take away the toy, ask why they both want the toy, threaten, distract, or discount their feelings. None of this works when problem solving. The problem belongs to the children, not you. This will take some practice, but it is very effective when dealing with two people who want the same thing. They will soon learn to do it on their own. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 2

At that age it's hard to expect a child to really "share". Just renforce the idea of sharing. This is how I deal with my 3 & 4 y/o: They are not allowed to take a toy away from the other just because they want it. When the one gets finished playing with it, then they have to give it to the other (if they still want it). They have done exceptionally well with that. Occassionally, they will go ahead and trade toys or the such. Thus, they are sharing willingly, on their own. Which I think is "real" sharing. Yes, they still will fight over a toy, and if they can't make a decision, I take that toy away until they decide what to do. It helps them to think on their own. I try to let my kids handle their own disputes (to a certain extent).

Answer 3

Make sure that they understand that you mean business. When they aren't sharing take the toy completely away and then tell them to take a time out for 5 minutes. Then when the 5 minutes is over talk to the kids that were having the problem and ask them to tell u why they were put into time out and if they don't understand you tell them as clearly as possible. When you are done explaining ask them to repeat what you just said and then let them have the toy back. If the problem continues take the toy aways for the whole day without putting them in time out. Don't let anyone else play with that toy. You can take as many toys away in the day that u need to because the more you take away the more they will get the picture that they are doing something bad. And remember always stay as quiet as possible and never apologize for taking the toy away because that puts u in the wrong. Just always keep it cool.

Answer 4

Try this little experiment. Have all of them bring their favorite toy to school. Put them all in a circle. Have a short discussion about why they like that toy so much. Then ask each child what other toy in the circle they would most like to play with besides their own. See if you can get them to trade off for 5 minutes and then they get their own toy back. Most of them will gladly trade off for a toy they haven't played with before, and voila, they have shared! Praise them for the effort even if they don't do so well. This is just a starting point. There are many variations you can try with this basic approach.

Answer 5

Kids at that age are too young to share well. Kids will learn to share when they are allowed to share freely. After all, if it's not freely done, it's not really sharing, is it?

Kids two and three are too young to be away from their mothers, too young to cope with such nonsense. Give them a break.

Answer 6

I saw something the other day that made sense. The lesson needs to be hands on and practical. Two children were arguing about cutting a piece of food in two to share it. The mother told one that he could cut the food in half. Obviously, the child's two halves differed greatly in size. Then she simply told the other child to chose the piece he wanted. Lesson learned.

Answer 7

My folks beat the crap put of me when I or my soster was selfish towards each other & today I am greatful for that treatment because it made me a better person in the end. But sadly, society favours against that kind of upbringing so you will have to devise a well thaught out psychological plan to teach you kids the right way & hope that when you turn your back, they dont get influenced by society.