i am an asian girl-i am engaged to an asian boy-all my family know about him, he is ever so loving and extremely sweet, but he tries to control me, and even pushes me around sometime, i dont know whether to go ahead and marry him- and im also worried about what my family will think of me- what shall i do?
2006-10-31 21:38:53 · 39 answers · asked by hazra b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Get rid, I don't think anybody should be controlled. Find somebody who loves you and is genuine. Just because he is sweet it does not mean he can't be nasty. He's shown his true colours. No women deserves to be manipulated and grounded. Good Luck
2006-10-31 21:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by phobzy85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call off the engagement. He will only get worse once you are married. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life being controlled by this man you should not marry him.
Worrying about what other people will think is not a reason to marry someone, especially someone who may not be right for you.
If your family love you they will support your decision. If they don't then leave. Do not get stuck in a marridge that you are not happy with. It is much easier to stop it now than it is to get divorced later on.
2006-10-31 21:52:12 · answer #2 · answered by PETER F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think you should re-think the whole marriage thing, and tell ur parents why... u dont want to be stuck in a marriage that isn't going to work, and that the controlling will probably only get worse... think about urself, and not what ur family will think.. to put a question on here, like that, it could be that u are already having second thoughts on the engagement, and that u need to be reassured into not going through with it... I know that if my husband had treated me like that, he would not of even got to the point of engagement...
good luck x x
2006-11-01 03:43:27 · answer #3 · answered by storm.minx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the 21st century. You don't have to marry because of family pressures. Your fiance does not respect you - bottom line. It's hard to imagine that he would make a suitable husband for anyone if he thinks that's actually acceptable behaviour from a partner. Your mother should be the first to be made to understand. Tell her about your concerns. Tell her about how you fear a lifetime of such behaviour. Get her on your side and the others will soon come round. They probably don't know what he's like behind closed doors. A controlling man can only control you if you let him. Don't let him.
2006-10-31 21:58:12 · answer #4 · answered by Bapboy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I could go on the Aisian thing... but i wont...
Look... without sounding horrible you know in your culture the man has the final say!!!! well it sounds to me like your bloke is an old style value kinda man... and you know that if you do mary him you will forever be seen and not heard!!!
You also sound a little scarred of this man... is this any foundation for a marrieage... come on your worth more than this....
Dont be bullied by your religion or family... this is your life and only you can live it!!! you must stand up for yourself and make your own decisions!!! Whatever you decide i hope it is the right one for you.. and that you are happy...
Good Luck Hon
2006-10-31 22:03:37 · answer #5 · answered by Cat ( " , ) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definately get out of the relationship! I was in a relationship like that for over 2 years and it sucked. Eventually i got smart and realized it wasn't what i wanted for the rest of my life. And if you're having doubts now, its not a good sign at all. And if you let him push you around, then he will see what else he can get away with like pushing you harder or even hitting you and then it will eventually just get out of control before you know it. I'm sorry but it doesn't matter how loving and sweet he is, anyone who feels like they need to have control over you doesn't really love you.
2006-10-31 21:51:11 · answer #6 · answered by Brittany D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nobody has the right to control another person. Many woman feel they need a man to be loved. This is not true. You are suppose to marry a person because you love them and if they love you they wouldn t do it. Love is when you are looking in the same direction not stright into each others eyes. Who cares what your family think at the end of the day its your life! hope you make the right choice shae
2006-10-31 23:57:34 · answer #7 · answered by shae c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he pushes you around now then when you are married it will certainly get worse as he will then officially in his eyes OWN you. You then have it for the rest of your life.
Tell your family about how he treats you and that you wish to get out of this engagement. If they are understanding they will respect you and back you up in this.
I notice that you say he is loving. Not that he loves you. I also notice that you do not say that you love him.
The whole basis of marriage is the love between two people and you cannot assume that it will develop after you are married. I would say that in this case is most certainly will not.
Get out now and fast.
2006-10-31 21:46:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that arranged marriages are a complex thing. It requires people to work through any problems as any other marriage. If you are already experiencing problems it may increase upon marriage. Also asian families dont approve of divorce so would you better to voice your concerns with your family. It may be that they cant see that side of him and will help you arrange another marriage or they may want you to continue with this arrangement. A new arrangement may be the better option to a divorcs furhter down the line.
The only way you will know is by speaking with them. At least if you do it by asking for guidance it is requesting their support, help and advice.
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-10-31 21:44:12 · answer #9 · answered by mjastbury 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know, don't do it.
Try and push him around, make comments about his dress sense, his driving, point out the stupid mistakes he makes and he will show you his true face.
Ask him where he's been and why he's so late.
Ask him why he never takes you out ....
Tell him that you are unsure and that you need more time and don't let yourself be pushed into something. The more you be pushed the better you get out.
You are a girl, not a possession.
Tell that to your family too!!
2006-11-04 15:48:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen love i would get out of this before its too late you will have a life of hell if you go a head with this i was with a control freak and engaged then violence soon followed and getting locked in the house run girl run and never look back ytour family should understand u owe it to you to keep your self safe hunni
god bless you and take care
2006-11-02 08:03:23 · answer #11 · answered by sm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋