His daughter said that she feels like she is the last to know things, and is not in the group, when he spends time at my house. She feels like we're one happy family (her dad, me, and my 13 yr. old son) and she is the outsider. My fiance has his house and I have mine and we're in two different school districts with 2 different middle schools. The weeks (every other) he has her, he takes care of her at his house and we get together on one or two nights. When she is not with him she is at her mother's. It would be very difficult for either of us to move until this spring when next school year the kids will both be at the same high school. She thinks we're having fun without her and it makes her feel badly. My son is with me full time because his father died of cancer. Sadly, when we are together, she barely speaks to my son, and acts superior. It used to hurt him, but now he just ignores her. So, when we are together, it's hard. And, now she's putting on this pressure...Help!
2006-10-31 19:27:19 · 5 answers · asked by LuckyEddie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The first responder suggested you look up Dr. Laura. Well, don't bother, I can tell you what she would say. She would tell you to stop dating and concentrate on raising your son. Why would she say that? Well she might point out that if you start dating some guy, his daughter is likely to complain that she feels out of the loop. Seriously, how is she supposed to feel? You and your son are moving in on her dad. Staking your claim. Meanwhile she is only around half the time. If you told me that she felt that she was in the loop, I would tell you that she was delusional.
Is this your problem? Of course not. Why should you care what some snot nosed little girl wants? She's trying to get between you and her daddy. I say screw her. Some people might say that you should wait 5 years until she and your son are 18 so that she has a chance to grow up before you move in on her daddy. What the hell is up with that? You are supposed to sacrifice what you want for the next five years just so that some little girl can have a semi normal relationship with her father?
2006-10-31 20:03:15 · answer #1 · answered by hersh006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it might be best if you and your fiance handle most of it together, since you will be getting married and being an official family. Maybe he could start bringing her over more, and if she does get an attitude when she's around your son, her father could mention it to her without saying "Bobby is upset because..." No 13 year old boy wants that kind of embarrassment. It might also be a good idea to go over to his house, so the daughter is in her own territory. Also, look at your behavior, (individually, as a couple, and with your son included.) Could you be doing something that is making her uncomfortable? That can be a hard one, because you really have to think about things like your tone of voice or who you serve dinner to first. Small things can make a big difference. Plus, this girl is starting in an awkward stage of her life. Having divorced parents are hard enough, adding her father getting remarried (replacing her mom,) and the stress of growing responsibilities at school, home, and in life in general makes it even harder. If you try your best and still can't find a way to make her feel "accepted" I'd just keep trying but acknowledge the fact that she may never adjust to the idea of her dad's new wife. If her mother's remarried, you may be able to ask her if she had the same problem with her husband.
2006-11-01 03:44:54 · answer #2 · answered by ksm_52180 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is such a tough situration ... you seem to be concerned about the issue which is a good start... i think her father needs to help bring her more in the family... i mean you all are including her i assume?... it will probably just take some time for her to feel more comfortable also... just keep including her and being understanding and hopefully she will come around... talk to your husband about the situration.. try to make her feel more involved if that is possible.... other wise just being aware of the situration is great ... good luck... you sound llike a great stop-mom to be so concerned with the problem and not just blaming your husband..
i am guessing she has friends and is having "fun" when she is away at (her mothers?)... you all cant stop living when she isnt present.. as long as she is being included and treated as part of the family when she is there....maybe she needs more one -on one time with dad so she does'nt feel she has been traded in for somebody else...
2006-11-01 03:39:35 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will always be jealous of her Daddy and anyone she thinks gets more of his attention than she does. It's not about you and your son; it's about HER and her insecurity. Sounds like her Dad is being very responsible. But perhaps they should go to a good counselor before you all try to live together...godloveya.
2006-11-01 06:36:19 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to have a family meeting. sit down and hash it out. she's obviously jelous that you are taking her daddy away. and thats exactly what you are doing. you are ruining her view of a healthy family.... i have a sugestion look up dr. laura she is so great at these types of questions. sure she's blunt, to the point. but she will tell you like it is and make you see things in a way that you would have never thought... look her up.
2006-11-01 03:34:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋