My boyfriend wants to come over on Sunday to ask for my hand in marriage. I am really excited but at the same time I am not sure how I set the whole thing up. Do I tell my parents why he is coming or do I just suggest that we have a dinner and tell them he is coming. His parents are coming too and my parents have met his mom before but not his dad. Do I tell them who is coming so they know, should I say why his parents are coming? If I don't say and just tell them they are coming, how do I answer their questions as to why they are coming? I guess these things are trivial after Sunday but I just don't know exactly what I am going to do. I just wish my boyfriend would have planned it without including me into the whole thing, but I also love the fact that he is coming to ask for my hand because it would be greatly appreciated (my parents are traditional mexican parents). I guess my big concern is do I clue them in or not?
2006-10-31 18:24:06 · 19 answers · asked by x_y_z_012 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
NO!!!! DON'T CLUE THEM IN!!!!!!
While I agree that the protocol was ruined when your boyfriend failed to formally ask your father for your hand before he asked you, that doesn't mean that you should ruin the surprise. This is one of the most meaningful moments of all of your lives, ESPECIALLY for all of your parents. To tell them early will ruin that moment! Do you think that they won't approve of your boyfriend? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE A MILLION TIMES PLEASE don't ruin the surprise!!!
The fact is that this IS your boyfriend's job. He needs to be a man and handle the situation himself. Which means that you need to stand aside and let him handle it. Do nothing. It's his job to do this. And it's your job to support him. Tell NOONE! NO ONE! Especially anyone that will clue your parents in. And if your parents have a clue? So much the better! But just so they only WONDER if he's going to do it. They should not KNOW. Part of the fun of the engagement is the nervousness about whether or not it's actually going to happen. Wondering when he's going to pop the question. Is he going to back out of it? Are you really reading the signals right? Is he ACTUALLY going to do it? And when it comes, it's surreal. Well, I can imagine that it would be surreal since I haven't gone through with this. But I'm going to do it right. Ask the father first, then her, and finally the family.
I am reminded of a Cosby Show episode when that one guy asked one of Bill's girl's hand at the dinner table. It was very sweet. Exact same situation you are in. I think that the family kind of guessed that it was coming but they didn't know for sure. And I could be forgetting but I think that Bill had no clue, but when it came, well he's Bill Cosby of course. He was funny and charming as usual.
Good luck and may God bless both of you in your marriage.
Oh! And how did he ask you to marry him? I hope it was special.
2006-11-01 12:40:20 · answer #1 · answered by SmartAlex 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is not coming to ask for your hand in marriage. He is coming to announce your engagement. If he really wanted to ask for your hand in marriage, he wouldn't have discussed it with you before he discussed it with your Father. That would all be a lie. Don't do that. Just go over and have dinner with your parents and inform them about your engagement.
The reason why there is a lot of confusion over what you are supposed to do, is because you guys skipped a step, and now you are worried about how to backtrack and fix it. He should have asked your father for permission to marry you before he asked for your permission. If your father says no, will your boyfriend all of a sudden not want to still marry you? The whole asking permission deal was shot when you two discussed the issue before he got your father's permission. You are stuck in a situation where you want to ask someone if you can borrow something from him, when you already have the item in your hand. Just call it an engagement dinner, and announce your intent to get married to both your parents at the same time. Don't drop any hints.
2006-10-31 18:45:01 · answer #2 · answered by Haveitlookedat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your mother confidentially, what she thinks first. Let her know you would like to be married to the boy and get HER approval. It would be unfair to have such an important event sprung on your parents suddenly during a social visit. Most of the organizing and delicate diplomacy will involve your mother - your father will ask her opinion anyway so she needs as much preparation as possible. Good luck!
2006-10-31 18:35:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't say anything. Just say his family wants to come and have sunday dinner. Thats suppose to be a surprise for the familes. don't take the fun out. Im a guy and when I did it everyone was shocked but it worked out great
2006-10-31 18:29:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them that you want your family to get to know each other better and this is why you have invited them over for dinner Best of luck hope it all works out for you in the end :)
2006-10-31 18:33:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I usually support this tradition, because I think it's a sign of respect to the father. But this is downright loopy. There's nothing wrong with you being the one to propose, but with him being old enough to be a grandfather, keep it between the two of you. I also think it's a terrible idea to go to his parents for this before you talk to him. It looks manipulative, and it probably is.
2016-03-28 03:12:16 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say NOTHING! Do not answer their questions as to why his parents are coming over. Give a sheepish little grin.
They (parents) are not STUPID. They will figure it out. I do not agree that people do not like to be caught "off guard". Heck yeah they do! It is called a SURPRISE! Everyone loves surprises!
The best part, is that you will get to see their reactions to the surprise; it is like a holiday! Do not spoil it. I wouldn't.
2006-10-31 18:35:56 · answer #7 · answered by Sha-na-na 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let the man take care of it. We women difinitely worry and try to plan everything out. Even those which we have no control over at times. Breathe and relax...everything will be fine.
2006-11-01 00:46:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your parents "my boyfriend and his parents are coming over for dinner sunday night." you don't have to tell your parents about him asking you unless it's not supposed to be a surprise. if it's supposed to be a surprsie... don't tell anyone!
also... it might be good to tell your parents eventually because they will be helping plan the wedding.
congradulations!
2006-10-31 19:01:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
jst be normal.. and dun hassle abt the situation... tell yer mom and dad tht these people are coming to meet yer parents.. and u dun knw why.. jst let them go on there own and well let it go wiht the flow instead of u tellin them before.. it might bing problem and they may act rude with yer bf's parents..
so be chill and best of luck :o)..
p.s - do invite me to the wedding.. heheh
2006-10-31 18:28:10 · answer #10 · answered by punjboy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋