Help me to understand the viewpoint of a working mother...?

Question

My sister in law has a son that her and her husband get to see only 1-2 hrs a day. The rest of the day, he is with a family member sitter. Their philosophy is its worth the sacrifice to provide a better life for their son, and I'm having trouble seeing her point of view.
My husband has a job that he loves and allows him to have plenty of family time. Im a stay at home mom. Our philosophy is: why have kids if you just have to pay someone else to raise them?
Money or Kids?
Sacrifice time with your kids for more money, or sacrifice some income for time with your kids? Can anyone tell me WHY exactly they would be willing to give up all but an hour or two a day with their children, just so they can be better off? We arent hard up, our daughter has everything she needs, and is very happy. I know if we can do it, that anyone can. So why dont they? My family was middle class when i was a kid, and I am GRATEFUL that my parents were there for me. Care to share another point of view?

PS- I do work at home in free time to make som extra spending money. Our daughter is 20 months old, and I plan on working even more once she is in school, but ONLY during those hours. My husband is very happy and fulfilled with his job, and doesnt mind the 30-40 hours away from us, so that I can be the one to stay home.

My parents are very well off now that us kids are raised, and they are still in their early 40s. I would be more than willing to do the same, sacrifice the luxury now, for time with my kids, then enjoy the more luxuious life once they have been raised

Answer 1

Doesn't anyone realize being a stay at home parent portrays the image to the child that it's ok to degrade yourself to the point of being 100% reliant on someone else? It shows the kid that it's OK to grow up and get married and have kids... and that the MAN in the house is to support the family ... make the money - and most like ALL the important decisions cause "it's really HIS money" WHILE the woman is to succomb to a life of being a homemaker.. taking care of the kids... house... etc., and accept that reality?
People who think like this... I hope you all stop raising kids -- it teaches the little girls to grow and and be stay at home mommies (mostly looking for the most "rich" guy they can get ) and the little boys to be incharge and support the family.
WHY can't this be a shared duty for both parents?? WHY is it only the women who get bashed for working ... yet the men don't??
People need to start living in reality -- in the HERE AND NOW of the world... Times are different from when our parents raised us... things cost a lot more... perceptions are VERY different. Why shouldn't people strive to be more than their parents were -- rather than the same as them?

Answer 2

Most of the answerers are not answering your question; they are justifying stay-at-home moms. I am one, but know enough to know the other point of view.
You need to be more tolerant of those who do not think like you. Not all women are cut out to be full-time care givers, and everyone may be better off if they are not. Otherwise, they may stay resentful - and that is no good to her husband and children.
I had no real intentions of being a stay at home mom for long. I have two degrees, had a wonderful career and varied work experiences. However, once the baby came I just couldn't imagine not being there every day for him! We have been extremely poor living on one income, and times have been extraordinarily hard at times. But the money would not have replaced the joy of our family at having raised a wonderful son.
Hope you hear from working moms (but not the angry ones....).

Answer 3

Although I agree with you, that wasn't your question, you want to understand "working moms" not those of us who stay home. I may choose to stay home, I understand some women are not "fulfilled" doing the same. Some have moms who didn't work and some did, but they form their values by experience as we do. You know as well as I do staying home is not an immediate gratification job, some women need to feel they are more than "just" a mom or wife. They have a sense of individuality and pride in what they do, there is nothing "wrong" with it, but they do miss a lot of joys you and I have. Some women go stir crazy or even go through depression staying home and if that is the case it is healthier for them to work. A healthy parent is a better parent. You and I are blessed to enjoy being 24/7 with our kids, but not all moms are cracked up for it. Cut her some slack, we don't know why people make the choices they do , but we need to try and respect and understand their decision. As long as the children are happy and healthy I won't judge too much. Hope I helped.

Answer 4

If Clara is biologically on the subject of your grandmother, i'm guessing that she is in basic terms making specific that all and sundry grandchildren that she cares for could have a sturdy start up in life and not fall by the cracks of society. I comprehend that Clara is top working type, yet she ought to basically as relatively be disinherited from the family members that she friends with now interior the destiny. so which you spot motives why people have wills is to be sure offspring have a raffle for the destiny and their babies(s) destiny. And in case you do have babies it would be smart to place some money away for them so as that they've something to construct directly to make a residing while they're older. I comprehend what you're dealing with; I lost 2 kin in a remember of decrease than 40 8 hrs aside of an identical year and month and that i could no longer end shaking to dial a telephone selection, my daughter had to try this for me... So I comprehend the various concepts that are dealing with your head. do no longer undertaking it is going to all decelerate and you will discover your peace of concepts lower back. Take Care

Answer 5

So, let me get this straight, providing a roof over my child's head and food in her stomach is a luxury? Since when? Maybe where YOU live the cost of living isn't all that high...that is very nice for your but where I live the cost of living is extremely high and unless one of the parents is making $200,000.00 a year BOTH parents need to work in order to make ends meet. I don't suppose you would know what the monthly mortgage payment on an $800,000.00 home would be and that's not a large home, that's your basic 3 bedrrom/two bath home with a family room and two car garage. Yes when my daughter was small I worked outside the home, to help make ends meet, I don't regret one moment of it. I raised my daughter, I instilled in her her sense of values and morals not the day care providers. I was there for every single milestone in her life, I was there when she took her first steps, when she said her first words, I was there when she fingerspelled her first name. I was there for every school function as well as field trips/ I volunteered in the school office and bookstore, I volunteered for school plays, musical events and talent shows. I was a volunteer "back stage mom" for her dance school and sat through 6 performances of the Nut Cracker ballet back stage. I have only missed ONE event in my daughter's almost 21 years of being on this earth and that is an event that happened when she was visiting her father in New York, I was here in California working so I couldn't get time off and she was after all 18 years of age. So don't tell me what working mom's don't "Do" for their children. It's all a load of bullshit.

Answer 6

I completely agree with you. The problem today is that everyone has become too materialistic. Parents want to buy their kids everything under the sun. When we were kids, we learned values through not getting a lot of what we wanted.
I'm also a stay at home mom and can't imagine my kids with someone else all day long. They learn things from me and being with me that they could never learn anywhere else. And when they're all grown up, that's what they will remember about me. That means more to me than all the money in the world.

Answer 7

Having one parent staying home all the time is great for those couples who have one parent who makes a lot of money. Not everyone has hubbys or wives who make 60,000 dollars a year. Heck if my hubby or I did that, of course one of us could stay home. Unfortunately the reality is, I only make about 30 grand (because I work in social services) and my hubby makes the same (self-employed). We don't have kids yet, but when we do, we will both have to stay working, if we want to pay off our debt, have a house, and have food. Luckily though, we work opposite shifts, so baby will be either with me or hubby or gradma (for only about 3 hours a day) mon-fri. Everyone's finacial situations are way different. My mother in law stays at home - but her hubby makes 60,000 a year. Like I said, if my hubby made that, I wouldn't have to work either. But not everyone has a picture perfect finanical situation. That is why I don't go around putting other people down for whether they work or not.

Answer 8

I think that too many people confuse having stuff with being happy. The feminist movement has really downplayed motherhood and made it into somewhat of a second rate career. Some people have their priorities in the wrong order. Having the child is sort of a status symbol and doesn't change their career goals. Women are smart, talented etc; and they are better nurturers than men. They do a lot of good in the world, but when you commit to having a child, you owe it to them and to the rest of us to raise it right. Daycare doesn't make that happen. 2 hours a day is a far cry from how it should be.

Answer 9

I agree with you,your children are only young once and I wouldn't miss out on this for the world,no financial gain is worth the lost time when your child is growing up. I know my son would rather me be here for him than spending the time with a sitter.

Answer 10

I often wonder the same, I mean what good is providing a huge home the child is never in, or providing toys he hardly sees or providing expensive deigner clothes you don't even see your child wear. To many people babies are a accesory, you know they look cute on your arm. It actually sickens me. I left a good paying job to stay at home (there was never a question if i would, i did) WE make some sacrifices but we are all happy & a family, not aquantinces.