We lost our precious daughter at 22 weeks due to Turner's Syndrome. I went into labor and 12 hours later gave birth to a two lb 1 oz. baby girl whom we named Elisabeth. Unfortunately we knew that we would never hear her cry.
My question is, the doctors told me three months before we try again. I have read that you can just wait one cycle. We want to be pregnant NOW but dont want to put next baby at risk. However Medicaid runs out Dec. 5th. Would like to be preg. by then. I would like to know if anyone had any similar problems and can give me some concrete answers.
2006-10-31 16:39:16 · 6 answers · asked by mandible62604 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Yes, I can tell you. I lost a baby at 19 weeks to anencephaly and all we wanted was another one right away. Some people said to go for it, and that would help us heal. One health care "professional" told me that I would be a Bad Mother (!) and potentially harm my next baby if I didn't wait a whole year for my body to get back to the right place, and for my vitamin stores to build back up.
Women get pregnant after having living, full term babies all the time, and their babies are fine, so if you want to jump back into things I don't think there will be a problem. However, losing an unborn baby is absolutely devastating, and something that is practically invisible to everyone but you and your close family. It took me a long time to work through that loss and to be unafraid and ready enough to try again.
Losing our daughter changed our lives in so many ways, and some times I thought another baby would make it better, and other times it didn't. We chose to wait until after her expected due date had passes, and then continued to wait until we were sure we were ready. I think we needed to not only get strong, but prepare for how to stay strong should something similar happen again. We went to a fetal loss support group, as well as individual counseling, and that was very healthy.
In the meantime I got my body and diet in peak condition and started a strict regimine of prenatal vitamins and (most importantly) folic acid months before we tried again. One year and one week after Sophie's death we tried again, and I got pregnant right away.
I have my 20 week ultrasound tomorrow and I KNOW that all is well. I feel so strong and have had great test results so far, and this baby is kicking and moving like there's three of them in there! We are due on march 18th, one year and nine months after the birth and death of our first daughter.
If you had told me then that I wouldn't be a mom until almost two years later I would have cried my eyes out, but I don't regret the time we took at all. So much of it was a blur of depression right after the fact anyway, and the months following that were consumed with self-searching and personal change that can only come from this type of tragedy, but the whole time I knew I was still working on preparing to be a mom.
I can't give you a date for when it's right for you two to try again, but I can tell you that there were many times between pregnancies that I thought I had healed and was ready to try again, and them something would happen and I would realize I still had some recovering left to do. One of my biggest fears was that my next pregnancy would be a scary, anxious thing for me, and that I woudn't be able to really get excited. However, I know that the time I waited was the right amount of time for me, beacuse now that I am pregnant again I have none of those fears and can sit back and enjoy.
While you are deciding what's right for you and your husband, get yourself in the best mental and physical shape you can. Get genetic testing, and take prenatal vitamins and folic acid every day. Don't worry about your medicare running out - you can get back on it the minute you're pregnant again (I did!). Think of something special to do for Elisabeth's due date to celebrate her, (also, even if you're doing really well, don't be suprised if you relapse into depressive feelings around the time of her due date, conception date, or holidays that you thought she's be there for - -this is totally normal!). Lastly, make sure you and your husband are on the same page about when to start again, becuase your next pregnancy will only be full of happiness and relaxation if you are BOTH ready to do it again.
Good luck, and believe me, it will get easier someday. I didn't think it would, but it does. Have faith.
2006-11-01 05:08:48 · answer #1 · answered by Emily O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I know from experiance that you need to wait the 3 months for your body as well as mind to heal. By getting pregnant before the 3 months you are putting yourself at risk for a misscarriage. Also you need to greive for the loss you your precious daughter & not try to quickly replace her. Wait the amount of time so next time you can enjoy delivery & have a healthy happy baby. Good Luck, God Bless, you will be in my prayers
2006-11-01 00:55:46 · answer #2 · answered by notAminiVANmama 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My sister got pregnant 1 week after being in your situation. I finally got the guts up to ask her how she did it being in stitches and all. Her husband didn't even penetrate her. He just came there. I hope i'm not making anyone uncomfortable. Just wanted to let you know that she gave birth to a healthy little boy 9 months after she lost her first baby boy. I'm so sorry about your little girl.
2006-11-01 00:44:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
sorry to hear about your loss, i lost my baby at 12 weeks. and they say wait atleast 3 mons to try again so your body can heal
2006-11-01 11:13:56 · answer #4 · answered by Victoria 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry I can't give you an answer,but I am soory for your loss
of your daughter.
2006-11-01 00:49:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
oh honey, i am SO very sorry.
don't rush yourself, you and your husband will know when the right time will be. you'll both know it in your heart.
have you ever seen this? it's beautiful, but have tissues. :)
"I Spoke With My Child"
http://www.ISpokeWithMyChild.com
2006-11-01 07:15:09 · answer #6 · answered by maximumreferrals 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋