I was told by my father that my sons should call him...he even purposely did not send my 11 yr old a card or a gift on his birthday....because he says he hasn't heard from them....but he has not picked up the phone either......My sons are 11 & 13......my dad lives in TX...he chose to move away........
My kids are kids....I believe it is the basic "out of sight out of mind" senerio....if you want to have a relationship with a kid and you are an adult ....you should call the child.......kids don't think about you unless you make sure they do...........Agree? or am I wrong?
2006-10-31 15:45:13 · 25 answers · asked by RaeRae 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am gonna leave this Q open........I am greatful for all the support........Yes there is bad communication between my father and I...he doesn't share his feelings with me........and when I do he ignores me....he allows his wife to listen in on our phone calls..........?? pisses me off...........But I just wanted to know what other people thought......I am tired of crying over him.............and I don't want him to hurt my boys.........I have the 11 yr old & the 13 yr old........but I also have a 3 yr old............I will be damned if he hurts them with his smugness (sp?)
2006-11-01 01:33:22 · update #1
Sounds like your father isnt that interested in having a relationship with his grandsons.
2006-10-31 15:50:08 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you 100%. If he can't pick up the phone and make the call then he has no business complaining. I went through the same thing with my father. My parents were divorced when I was very young and I hardly ever saw my father. He never came to see me or take me places. I grew up not caring much about him. As you said, out of sight out of mind. I think your sons are better off not having him in their lives if he is going to have that kind of an attitude. You go girl.
2006-10-31 19:01:57 · answer #2 · answered by fjbrighton 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that the parent should make the effort to stay in touch with the children, because the parent is the adult. But there are a lot of "old school" or just plain narcissistic parents who are emotionally on the same level as their 11 or 16 yr old kid (I used to date one), that expect the child to call them. I agree with you.
2006-10-31 15:52:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i agree to a point...but all in all...he is grandpa...and sooner or later they will not have him in their lives. Be the bigger person and let them call...maybe they can ask him why he didn't send a gift.
My Grandmother always say no one calls her...even though My Mom calls everyday...i call once sometimes twice a week. They are getting old. And like it or not...we got to give in too them. I know they are your kids and you want to protect them, But kids pick up on things quicker than you thinj. Once they feel cold towards him...they will make thier own choice as to call him or not. "Out of sight, out of mind." doesn't fix the problem...cause it's never really " out of mind!"
Godd Luck...
2006-10-31 15:50:56 · answer #4 · answered by Chocolate_Bunny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you dad is wanting to see you make the move to keep the relationship going. If you make sure the boys call him, then he knows you. . .care, or whatever. at 11 and 13 the boys are not thinking "I need to call grandpa" It sounds like dad is putting it on you. That is wrong. It's wrong that he's beating around the bush, he needs to say what the real issue here is.
2006-10-31 16:34:34 · answer #5 · answered by misskenjr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I might agree, but you should also make sure that your kids know about your father. I think it is a parent responsibility to let their sons know their origins, their family, who they are, and where they come from. So if you want your kids to have a relationship with their grandpa, you should encourage them to write letters or call him, and also your father should call every now and then to let the kids know he cares.
2006-10-31 15:51:35 · answer #6 · answered by whole_world_refugee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many older people believe it is a "repect of elders" belief. Your father is too old to change his ways and you and your family will only have problems if this continues. It wouldn't hurt to teach your children how to respect older people. An occasional hello from the kids would make him very happy and it really won't kill the kids.
2006-10-31 15:52:53 · answer #7 · answered by k h 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It does seem pretty one-sided to me, too.
Would your father be willing to do this as well as your sons. Set up an agreed-upon time each week that the boys will talk with their grandpa. Your father can then foot the bill for the long-distance call, but he will know that the boys will be available to talk during that time. You can set this up with the boys and hold them accountable (just like being ready for school) to be available during that time.
An alternate strategy would be for your sons to call him during that agreed-upon time since your father wants the "mountain to come to mohammad"
Good luck to you on this situation. It sounds like you have a dad who is very difficult to deal with.
2006-10-31 15:49:52 · answer #8 · answered by Searcher 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In a relation be a family , be a lover, be a relative , be a friend communication should be a two way process. This is just my opinion...Its your father being your children's grandpa , he should call up your 11 yr.old kid, to greet him a happy b-day... being a thoughtful and loving grandpa....You may teach your kids to be closer to your dad despite of distance....If they are taught and you yourself shows them how loving daughter you are your dad....Tell your kids all good thing about him that make them interested to call up your dad....Also tell stories about your kids to your dad, that would make him long to hear your kids or visit them in your place...Despite of doing that your dad won't mind then that's not your fault...
2006-10-31 15:58:34 · answer #9 · answered by jane u 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
but as a parent you could remind them that they should call grandpa. perhaps he is acting like a child but that doesnt mean you should too. i had my kids call grandpa every third suday of the month. grandpa was a very busy man and didnt always remember to keep in touch. but when we moved back to the same town several years later, my kids not only knew who grandpa was, grandpa knew my children and already had a relationship going that just got better. sometimes you just have to take the lead and see to things. remember, its for the kids, not for your dad or you
2006-10-31 15:54:08 · answer #10 · answered by fn_49@hotmail.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I know of family who thinks just the way your father does and I think it can take form of punishment, what the family does, as that is what they are trying for to teach a lesson, but you know what? You're supposed to respect your elders no matter how they treat you. So teach your sons to call their grandfather.
At least it's not a family where the grandfather doesn't even want to hear from them. I had one of those.
2006-10-31 15:48:29 · answer #11 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋