How do i tell my boyfriend it hurts when he looks at porno video game characters and anime porno...I don't feel sexy and i don't feel he wants me, when he does it hurts so much..do i have a right to feel this way?
2006-10-31 15:07:31 · 29 answers · asked by anonymous 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well i think you should tell him but absolutely do not tell him he is not allowed to watch it because he will anyway behind your back. i understand how you feel but you need to realize that is just a part of life. why dont you watch some porn you might like it and then see what he sees in it. its not that he isnt attracted to you and he isnt watching it purely because he likes the girls. watching porn gets you thinking about sex and its a feeling guys like and girls too. guys like to see stuff physically and girls are more emotional and mental. so a guy would gett off by watching sex a girl more likely get off by reading about it or thinking about it.
2006-10-31 15:16:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
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2016-05-22 23:02:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-18 22:50:52 · answer #3 · answered by Lynne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has a right to their feelings. So do you. I doubt that he looks at porn intending to hurt you. I also doubt that he is looking at porn for any reason that has anything to do with you.
But there is no reason why you shouldn't tell him how you feel.
Sit down with him & calmly say, "When you look at porn I feel......" & express all of the feelings that you just did in your question.
After you have said everything you have to say, ask him if he understands, & if he says "Yes I do" then ask him to mirror back what you just said, & see if he actually got it right. If he is fuzzy on certain areas, then re-state what he needs to hear, & ask him to mirror back again until you are satisfied that he truly understands what you are saying.
Now, the important part is that you don't go into this with the expectation that you are going to change his porn habit with this dialogue.
What is most important at this time is that you convey your feelings to him, & that you are satisfied that you were HEARD by him.
Of course he will try to re-assure you in some way. Maybe it will be exactly what you want, & that he'll stop. or maybe it will be something else. Just be ready to listen to him, & mirror back what he says the same way as he did for you, & ask him if you've got it right.
Try not to judge what he has to say, just understand the meaning.
Once you two are satisfied that you understand each others position then you can decide what to do from there.
Just remember, that you can't make him change his behaviour if he doesn't want to. The only person you have true control over is you. So if he won't change for you, then it will be up to you to change your situation as you see fit.
2006-10-31 15:31:48 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
anon: I am a male and I can understand how you feel. The answer to your question is this. Be direct with him and say to him, "when you look at these porn sites, even though they are game characters or anime, you make me wonder why you are doing this. I wonder, is there something wrong with the way I look or is there something about me ? It makes me feel cheap and unloved when you do this and I feel like there is something wrong with our relationship." Further; add; " I would like you to stop doing this, please" ! Expect him to attempt to justify himself with verbal expressions such as, there's no harm in looking or he will attempt to discount what you are saying. Use "I" statements not "you" statements. (He can't possibly tell you HOW YOU FEEL - only you know that ! ) YES ! ... You are quite right in feeling this way. Where's his sense of healthy shame at ??? A lot of guys think women are for one thing ... and one thing only. How would he feel if his father (assuming he has one), was seen by him looking at porn while his own mother looked on ? Nothing kills a relationship like viewing the girl (woman) in the relationship like she's a piece of meat and treating her so !!! Good luck to you.
2006-10-31 15:28:02 · answer #5 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the 'right' to feel however you choose to feel...you may or may not have a valid reason...
However, since it bothers you then just tell him...if you cannot communicate with him then the relationship is in trouble anyway...just get it out there, without accusing him of "making" you feel any particular way...just let him know how you feel (for example: it hurts me that you look at porn...not "you make me feel bad when you look at porn")
Other side of the coin, a lot of guys like porn and unless his viewing is really excessive, he shouldn't feel bad if you have self esteem issues...that's something you need to work on...however if you express how you feel perhaps he'll cut back (or cut out) the porn and be supportive of you learning how to feel better about yourself, and not threatened by make-believe people he'll never actually be with...
2006-10-31 15:14:02 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
telling him how much it bothers you, will only make him keep it secretly, I think you should be glad that he is honest about his sexual feelings and I repeat, sexual feelings not loving feelings...When we women read a romance book with men in it, usually in our minds we perfect the good looking man and they usually don't look like our ... husbands but the perfect sexy looking everything guy. that's almost the same as men watching porn. So I will suggest, if he doesn't mind, that you sit down with him and enjoy a good sexy movie, it would make you both happy, and he would think you are the greatest. It work for me and now we ummm are very happy and loving it.
2006-10-31 16:16:09 · answer #7 · answered by ana l 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say, "it hurts when you look at porno video game characters and anime porno...I don't feel sexy and i don't feel you want me, when you do it hurts so much."
2006-10-31 15:10:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hon you have every right to feel that way. Tell him how violated you feel when he watches the porn etc. To be quite honest with you it appears he is having an obsession and talking about your feelings will not help. He will continue to seek pleasure through his animated fantasy. It is a addiction both men and women have and seriously affect their relationships. If you truly love him try to get him to seek help for his addiction, perhaps attending sex anonymous
2006-10-31 15:11:47 · answer #9 · answered by Sassy Shut Your Mouth 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
my bf used to watch porn and now he doesnt anymore but i used to feel the same way and sometimes still do cuz hes kept some pics of aria giovanni and katie price or whatever! i felt like i was unattractive or not good enough wich is a terrible feeling i know... believe me... and i decided to be completely honest with him and i told him if he really cared bout me and my feelings he would stop and since then no more porn and he doesnt go on those sites anymore but he did keep some pics it bothers me alittle...
2006-10-31 15:16:28 · answer #10 · answered by $$$ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋