Moms, how do I raise a child to be appreciative and grateful?

Question

My 7 year-old daughter is unappreciative of the things she has and doesn't go without. It's hard for me, because I had a tough childhood. I don't spoil her, seriously. I only reward her for good grades. I tried talking to her and describing things that I went through, but it's like it goes into one ear and out the other. It's driving me nuts and people are starting to notice and say things. If you have any tips or suggestions, please...I'm all ears. Thank you.

I am trying to raise my daughter right, that's why I know sometimes it's beneficial to ask for help. I'm only 24 and don't have to much experience, so I'm asking for advice from someone who has gone through it or just has a helpful suggestion. I appreciate most of the answers I got this far. I'd like to add that her father was murdered last year and she is receiving counseling at this moment. I didn't notice this behavior until the last couple of weeks and I'm trying to deal with it before it gets out of control. She's not sassy, she just doesn't take care of any of her stuff, her room is pretty bare, because of everything I've taken away. She is not getting a car for her 16th birthday, she will get a car only if she graduates with great grades and attends college.

Answer 1

Let her rough it for awhile.

Sometimes kids need to feel that reality instead of just hearing about it. Seriously take away toys, make her eat a cold meal, make her take a cold bath (not too cold though!) and stuff like that for a day and let her see what it's like not to have everything she has that she takes for granted.

Have you ever heard of Operation Christmas Child? It's an organization put on by Billy Graham where you fill up a shoe box with little things that a child would need (toothbrush, soap, wash cloths, and maybe a few toys) and you take them to a place such as a church that is sponsoring it and they send them to needy kids all over the world. There's a video that they have that shows what happens when you send a box and it shows tons of children who are extremely--well, poor. When you watch it and you see a child who is just grateful to get a toothbrush--it breaks your heart. I've seen that video probably 10 times and every time it makes me cry. See if you can find that somewhere and sit down and watch it with her.

Here's just a small bit of the video just in case:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMdE4ZpETTs

Answer 2

Let her go without for a while. Don't try to give her the childhood you didn't have by overindulging and spoiling her. You are already seeing the results of your choices and she is only 7. Stay on this path and she will be a monster by the time she is a teenager.

Stop rewarding her for good grades. Make her understand that you expect her to perform at school, and that she will have her privileges taken away if she does not do the work. She will go into a major tailspin, but you have to be the adult and be strong enough to let her melt down and hate you for a while. She will get over it and herself, and you will gain her respect in the process. She doesn't want or need you to be her friend. She needs you to be her parent and set limits for her.

From now on, she has to earn what she wants to have. Make a chart, and for every good thing she does, give her a sticker, but every time she disobeys, or backtalks, or gets a bad grade, then you mark through one of the stickers. Assign rewards, like a McDonalds meal or a new shirt for every so many stickers. Settle up at the end of the week.

Above all, be strong. Be consistent. Be an adult.

Answer 3

I have a 7yr old daughter also, she doesn't really understand that I didn't get a lot like she does. Although she is learning that things don't always get handed to her for nothing. She has a monthly allowance and has a few jobs to do around the house. Plus she looses some of her money when she doesn't do her chores. she get rewards for good grades, and you know what? she is turning out so far to be a really sweet girl. Parents really like her. Just remember your her Mom and you are doing what you can to take care of her, and showing her you love her will help her understand things. Its not something that comes over night but it will come.

Answer 4

I had a similar problem with my son. I grew up dirt poor and some of my family is still fairly poor. I was fortunate that I married a good man who makes a good living and my son has never had to go without anything, although there have been times when he had to wait until Christmas or birthdays for a few things that were extravagant (like a Playstation or something like that).

Anyway.....he would always get very angry when I tried to tell him how fortunate he was or point out that he could have been born into a family that didn't have it as easy as ours did. So I quit talking directly to him about it, but whenever the occasion was appropriate, I would try to say how grateful *I* was for what we had. For example, when we got a new sofa, I said something like, "We are so lucky that we are able to afford nice things like this."

You know they say that kids learn far more from what you do than from the lectures you give them. So just model the behavior you want your daughter to emulate. Try to minimize criticism to things like reminding her to say "thank you" if someone gives her something or does something nice for her. And if someone else notices her rude or impolite behavior, let *them* say something to her (sometimes if you just meet their eyes and give them a nod, they will get the message). It will probably have more impact on her if someone besides Mom criticizes her behavior.

And chances are, as she gets older, she will get better about it. But, as you're learning, you really can't *make* kids do anything. You can tell them to do it, you can punish them if they don't, but you really can't make them do what you want or be who you want them to be.

All you can do is "practice what you preach" - show her how a caring, courteous person behaves. She *will* learn. She may not behave the way you want when she is around you, out of sheer rebelliousness, but I bet she will behave better than you think when she is "out in the world."

Good luck to you and kudos for being such a conscientious mom.

Answer 5

I have lots of suggestions, but the situation details is critical. It might seem that you had a bad childhood and over compensating by being over generous ? One suggestion is that kids usually appreciate what they "earn". You might try a gradual lesson by giving her a "credit card" with you. Say, honey, I will spend $10 on you this week and I will write it down because I want you to learn about money. Make if fun and she may want to learn and in the end have fun and learn an excellent lesson. Gradual is the way here because she is 7 and probably has some bad habits towards it. ??? email if you want more. I was an elem teacher.

Answer 6

My 5 year old son starting doing the same thing. And it was really embarrassing when people started noticing. I let it go for awhile because I didn't want to deal with it but then it got out of hand. What I ended up doing is selling his game boy and PS2. Then I got all his toys and put them away in the garage. Know he only gets to play with the things if he acts respectful and kind. And if that still dont work he gets punished from watching T.V. or using the computer. He has been doing alot better since then.

Answer 7

You answered your own question - if she gets everything she wants easily, she will not appreciate anything. Appreciate :" to increase in value."
Human nature doesn't allow for understanding thru another's experience; it must be experienced firsthand to mean anything.
I feel worried that you'll buy her a car when she's a teenager...look at the statistics for fatal accidents among teenage drivers.
It's more important that you and her enjoy some time together; nothing takes the place of building your relationship.
Giving her things is meeting some need of yours; but it's not in her best interests or yours.
Sorry to be so preachy, but I hope you see what I mean; you've already noticed what's happening.

Answer 8

One major point here that I would like to share with you
You will never get YOUR experiences into your child's head
so save both of you the time , energy , and effort and just Stop trying to put your experiences into her arsenal of life tools-- it just simply will never happen.....
You must take responsibility in the directing and authoring of your child's world if you are to bring her to the place where she sees some of these things for herself
Put her in situations where she is near people who have considerably less and are living in fairly strong need of the basics
Expose her to situations that show the contrast between what she has that she takes for granted and what could be the case
Without an active participation from you-- she will continue to live in this secure little padded cell she has created for herself where she has it all figured out already and where nothing can ever disturb her sense of control..............

Answer 9

it somewhat is an exceedingly exciting question. I somewhat have in no way somewhat thought approximately it. My toddler is barely 10 months previous, so the seen gratitude is a sprint a approaches away for us nonetheless. i think of that gratitude is quite substantial, yet is something maximum persons merely think of with regard to the fourth Thursday in November. we ought to consistently stay our lives this way and be grateful favourite. that's something we ought to consistently try to instruct our young infants, yet I have no thought how. It grew to become into no longer an thought reported lots in our homestead transforming into up, yet i'm hoping to maintain it a transforming into talk as my infants improve.

Answer 10

your doing fine. she's almost at the age when she will start to appreciate more. just don't buy her everything she wants, whenever she asks. my parents did the same to me. because my mother had a different upbringing, she tended to go overboard with us. my kids know how much we make, what bills we have so they know not to ask for things that aren't necessary. that's not to say they don't have toys, but there are appropriate times to get something like christmas, birthdays or allowance time and such.