How do you deal with parents like this?

Question

Your 8 yr. old is on a basketball team. There's another child on his team that is the epitemy of a ball-hog. He'll dribble forever as long as he doesn't have to pass the ball. When one of his team mates is throwing the ball in, he gets an extremely disappointed look on his face. When he shoots and misss he has the same look on his face. Because he is such a ball-hog, the other kids on the team have become ball-hogs over time as well because they know if they give it to him--they'll never get it back!

I don't believe it's this boy's fault though. It's his parents'. They are at the school every day eating lunch with him. They almost are at the school more than the teachers are! I believe they are causing him to be this way because of the way they treat him.

How do you deal with parents like this?

Yes his parents work--when they're not kissing their kid's ***.

He's not "special". He's a normal 8 yr. old with really involved parents who treat him like he's a prince.

Answer 1

go tell them he's a ball hog and that its their fault for eating with him so much. maybe they'll stop interfering.

Answer 2

You can try talking to the other kid's parents. Most likely it'll end up in some sort of fight, though. If you're already friends with the parents, you just may be able to sneak some sense into them (knocking it into them may hurt more than help).

We call parents like that helicopter parents. While hovering over your child to protect them and make sure they do well is natural, these two seem to think that their child can't go through a school day without a little aerial assistance. I'm thinking he's probably an only child, and that his parents fawn over him all the time. If they keep this up, he'll end up leaving home and being brought to the shocking realization that he's NOT the center of everyone's universe.

Most likely, there's nothing to be done. Unless you know the original ball-hog well enough that he looks up to you and would listen if you said he should be happy for his teammates and his team, he's going to keep on hogging that ball. Again, you can try to talk to his parents about this problem, but I don't see the chances of them backing off as very likely. They'll probably take it as a direct attack on their little prince. The only thing you can change is how you and your own child react to it. Sounds to me like your kid's the one not getting any game time. Otherwise, I doubt you'd have this viewer's perspective. You're seeing what the other parents (dazzled by their childrens stellar performances) are blinded to. If you see your child taking on the ball-hog attitude, however, you can talk to him about it, and get his take on the goings-on during the game. Just try to explain it in terms he can understand, and avoid making anyone the "bad guy." That always comes back to get you in the end.

If there's anyone who can help you deal with it, it's the coach. If he sees everyone hogging the ball, he may be just as disappointed as you are. On the other hand, with the players being only eight, it all depends on the coach, and just how competitive he wants his team to be.

If nothing works, drop the subject. You can't always win, and neither can your child. Just congratulate him on what he did well (you don't have to have the ball to be a good player) and put the problem kid(s) out of your mind. Chances are, he'll have a different team next year, anyway.

Answer 3

this is hard to deal with, and I don't agree with the person who said he is a normal 8 year old, not by far. I taught elem school and have seen many kids. It is hard to judge from a distance, but both of my kids were involved in tons of sports like this, and it is often best not to deal with them as they think they are all right and would probably respond as if you were all wrong. (narrow minded). It is extremely frustrating, but there is often little that can be done. Talk to the coach, and you might get thru. The coach should making the calls and if the kid is his favorite or the coach doesn't have back bone, the buck stops there. I guess like in a paid job, an employee who is "bad" gets fired, but I learned in volunteer work and scenarios like this, it is often frustrating because there is no "boss" to appeal to. Thus, I stopped doing the huge amount of volunteer work I did for years and decided I would do anything if there was some kind of place for resolution. Good luck, but I'm on your side. It doesn't get better as they get older either, even in high school, favorites etc.

Answer 4

Get over it. It's not the parents -- it's a coach who can't teach teamwork. It's not your job to tell a parent how to parent -- unless, of course, the kid is obviously abused. Even then, it's pretty touchy and a lot of hard work.

If a kid is spoiled, they will soon learn in real life that not everyone is like their parents. If you are feeling bad about the amount of time you spend with your own kids, maybe you should work on that. If you are happy with how you are raising your kids, then maybe you could look for more positive solutions -- like a different basketball team.

It's best if the kids can work out this ball-hogging thing among themselves and with the help of their coach.

Answer 5

No offense, but it sounds to me like your kid is one that doesn't get the ball. I don't think you have to "deal with" these parents at all. There will be other teams where other kids will shine. Eventually, the ball hog kid will catch on to what's up -- he is only 8 after all. If parents want to eat lunch with their kid and volunteer at their kid's school -- great. I'm an assistant principal at a grade school, and I wish some parents would pay more attention to their kid. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Answer 6

I know its hard, but stay out of it and keep your mouth shut. Have a private word with the coach about the Ball hogging that is happening, but that should be the exstint of your interference.

In the future, try to keep your kid from being on the same team or in the same activities as the hog.

Answer 7

Talk to your son's coach and voice your concerns. There will always be a child/parents like this on any team or at any school. Many parents take active roles in their children's lives and some take it over the top. But, be glad that they are taking an interest and not ignoring or abusing him.

Answer 8

That stinks, I have been in a similar situation. Your right, it is the parents fault. I suggest you get though the season, and make sure he is not on the same team again next year. Bad habits are learned early.

Answer 9

It sounds like you don't talk to the parents. How do you know that this is not a "special" child and is being main streamed into this situation. Get to know the parents and find out what is going on.

Answer 10

Have you spoken to the coach about the situation? He should really be the one to step up and speak to the parents of the child. If you say anything to the childs parents you can almost be certain you will start a war. It's obvious that the child is very protected/sheltered by them and very spoiled. They will not take your comments lightly. I would approach the coach since it really should be up to him/her to speak to the parents about the way he behaves at a school activity. Good luck!