When will I get over a breakup with my first love?

Question

Hi, I'm 17 and I broke up with my girlfriend about two years ago. We were together for a year and a half. I still think about her every day - it's driving me insane, especially since she's had several other boyfriends since then and rarely talks to me. I've only seen her once in the last two years.

I don't like the person she is now - she's not the same person. But I can't stop thinking about the old her, day in and day out. Everything that shouldn't affect me reminds me of her...

I haven't liked another girl since. Is this normal?? I just can't compare anyone else to her. She was amazingly beautiful, very intelligent, very caring - in other words, she was pretty much out of my league.

I'm not the most confident guy - I have trouble talking to people in my classes, especially the girls. It's not that I'm ugly or anything - it's just my personality, I guess.

Anywho, my question is: When will I ever get over her? And how long did it take for you to get over your first love? Thanks...

Answer 1

Hi,
I am sorry that you are missing the girl your girlfriend used to be and that you have been hurting for two years now. I have some good news and some bad news for you. First, we will start with the bad news because you already feel melancholy, so what is one more piece of crappy news going to do to you? You will never get over your first love. You will compare every other woman in your life to your first love (the good her). You will be 30 years old, walking past a park, and see a girl with the same hair and same laugh in her eye, and all that longing, wishfulness, and sadness will flood over you for a brief, brief moment. Then, you will wonder what became of her, and you will sigh, snap out of it, come back to the real world. Sometimes, you may even dream of her and wake up a little sad, but, as with all dreams, you will forget the details and wonder why you were feeling a little down until you had your first coffee.

Your first love is special. Your first love is forever. You only get one first love. Your heart will always break over the thought of her breaking your heart.

Okay. There is good news. After high school (and, for some guys, after college), the shy wears off. And, even if it doesn't, girls love a quiet guy. (mysterious). Chances are very, very good (99.1% chance) that you will meet the woman of your dreams. You will marry her, and thank God for her every day. You will worship her smile, drink in her laugh, and adore her personality. You will want nothing more than to hold her, protect her, and keep her forever. I promise you, you WILL meet this person. Nevertheless, despite your happiness and the sincere depth of you love, there will be a twinge--a tug at the heart, when you think backwards.

Don't worry. When you get to your 30s and you have everything you always wanted (and didn't want) and you feel the twinge, just go hug your wife. It will go away for a while.

As for me, I have had several boys/ men in my life. In the words of an old country singer, "I loved them every one!" Their memories are all here in my head, and there is still something there (I don't know if the word is LOVE or if it is more a regret for growing old and having to leave them and that part of my life behind). I have never been dumped--I have done the breaking up, but it still isn't easy. If you were her first, too, then, YOU will always be a part of her... it just works like that. I wish you could write us back and tell us what happens, 15 years from now! Life is a wild ride. Just hang in there, enjoy every horrible/terrific moment, and treasure every morning that you get to drag yourself out of bed.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

All I have to say is wow. You sound like a really sensitive guy and if I were you I'd tell her everything that you have writtened down here. It's been two years since you've broken up and you still seem to "love" her, this makes me wonder if your really putting yourself out there. A lot of people think that your first love is your best love and are afraid to fall in love with anyone else because they might not be as good. Maybe you open your eyes to other possibilities, like if their is a girl your friends with. You can ask her to a movie or bowling and if you deciede that you don't like her that way, than at least you tried and it's a good start to get back into dating because a year in a half is a long time with out having to really date some one.
It sounds like after yu broke up you started forgeting all of her bad features and focused on her good ones causing you to feel like no one else was as perfect as her. If you hold anyone up to thestandards of what you remember as the perfect girl you'll never have another girlfriend. It might be hard but you really need to stop comparing people to her. Good luck in you love efforts. I hope that I've helped you.

Answer 4

I know exactly how you feel! I liked this guy, the old him not the new one that he has become, and I can't stop thinking about him or like anybody else because of this. I can't say how long it will take for you to get over your love, because I'm still in the same situation, but this is my insight on the situation. If she broke up with you, no matter how much you love her, you have to let her go. She obviously doesn't like you, because if she did you would be her boyfriend right now.If this is the case, then you need to move on because it isn't worth you constant sadness that the two of you aren't together, you should be happy after all. If you broke up with her, however, then you may have hope. She may have gotten together with these other guys as "rebound" guys, because she has low confidence after your break-up, and may still be harboring a secret crush for you. But don't count on this, because if you get your hopes up, and she still doesn't like you, then you don't deserve that pain. Trust me, that happened to me, and I felt even more crushed than ever before. Follow your heart, and remember that there are other fish in the sea.

Answer 5

This is very normal, something like this happened to me. The only thing was that i was with this guy less time. It took me like two years to start looking at other guys. I would always compare other guys to him, looking at a guy i would see him in them until someone came and made me not feel the same way. So it's ok if it takes a long time, sooner or later you'll find someone that will make you forget this girl, or probably not forget but look at other girls. Don't think that she doesn't like you just because she dates other guys, that's probably her way to forgetting you. Don't let this affect you.You'll find someone, it just takes time. Try to be happy.

Answer 6

It could take years, if you allow it.

Make list of everything you can think of that you don't like about her right now. She's not perfect! Write things down such as:

She dresses slutty, I don't like her short hair, she laughs too loud, I don't like her dark lipstick, I don't like her cussing, She's a liar, etc. etc. etc.

Hang this up somewhere in room, and look at it every day!

In the meantime, get out and start having some fun! Fun starts with friends! There are so many young, nice, cute girls out there your age that it isn't funny! Give these other girls a chance!!!!

You WILL meet someone sooner or later whom you are interested in! Go out with her and have a great time! In fact, go out with two or three nice girls and have a blast.

Do NOT waste any more of your time, fretting over this one girl, who isn't even your type anymore!

Good luck!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Ok, so you are young still and you sound like you are wasting good years of your life away thinking about this girl. There is no saying how long it may take you to get over her- but there are steps you need to take in order to get over her. If you have pictures or memorabelia that you have around that reminds you of her, burn it or throw it out. You need to go through a grieving process that you may not have gone through yet- and you won't get over it until you go through those steps. You need to get through the denial stage, which you may have already gotten through. You need to be angry at her. You need to accept that it is over and may never happen. I think acceptance is the most important part- and remember that she will never be that girl that you were with, she is different now. the thing about love though is that if you are with her, you should love her through those changes, but being away from her, you need to carry on with your life. go out, meet new girls. you might be surprised that you'll meet a wonderful girl that is much better suited for you. You are young and there will be girls that will come and go before you are ready to settle down- ive heard that its normal for you to have fairly serious dating with 10 different people, before you should really settle down. Good luck... and time heals all wounds.

Answer 8

*hugs* I know how you must be feeling. It is hard and it does feel like you will never get over them but you will! It just takes time. That "time" word will get annoying to hear but its just the way it is. Remember the good times that you had together but then also remember what broke you up in the first place, then you will be able to realise that you guys just weren't meant to be. When I ended things with my first love it felt so terrible and I thought I would never get over him, but I eventually did. It took about 4 months before I finally got over him, it varies in time for everyone though. You will eventually meet someone else who is perfect for you and your first love will become a fond, distant memory. Hang in there and things will become easier in time.

Answer 9

not a popular answer for the fellas but maybe you need to get some counselling. i did once, similar situation, I'd locked up every good thing about me in a relationship and when it was over i felt like my identity had disappeared it took ages to move past and the truth is i needed a little extra help from someone who could point me in the right direction

Answer 10

i really dont think anyone really gets over their first love, they will always share a peice of your heart with them and think about them time to time. Now its up to you to know how much of your heart your going to give up for her. Do you want this to ruin your life and take it over. Its hard for sure, and its okay to think of her time to time. But try to think about the bad times you had, and that the reason yous broke up is because someone even better, someone who is perfect for you is waiting. And yous will find one another, than you will be happy that your last relationship didnt work out therefore you wouldnt of found your true love. She will come to you in time, right now just focus of your life where you want to be in life and get there, along the way miss right will come around.