I come from a "prestigeous" family up north with a domineering father who rules our family with an iron fist. My father abused me growing up, and while it got better when I went away to college it has recently resumed this time in the form of verbal abuse. My father constantly bashes and isults me. His barrage of put downs have left me on the brink of depression. I have tried to talk to him about this only to get physically attacked once and verbally attacked many other times. Further more either he, my mother or my siblings call me or email me weekly to put me and/or my wife down. Its non stop and I need peace. Recently I have contemplated just taking a break and cutting off from my family beause frankly this is killing me, am I wrong for doing this?
2006-10-31 13:33:30 · 19 answers · asked by BossHogg R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No, you are not wrong. My husband has cut his family completely out of his life, and my family and I have a very borderline relationship. I am very much in favour of family, but not if the family is dysfunctional. In your case, I would say goodbye and good riddance!
Oh, and another thought: be prepared to take the blame for cutting them off. They will never accept that it was because of their behaviour. You will just be the ungrateful child.
2006-10-31 13:38:46 · answer #1 · answered by Shayna 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The prestigious that matters is for the type of character that makes a positive difference in this world. You indicate you are married and I assume have finished with college, so my question would be, why give your dad so much power in your life? If you are serious about this getting better, you do need to cut the ties that bind and in that, you will also gain respect for being a man who can stand on his own. If they harass you, change your e-mail address, your phone number or simply put a block on their contact info. Use this quiet time to focus on you and your family, allow healing in your relationship and gather strength in what you can achieve together as a team. Your other family won't know what they are missing until they are missing it, and that would be you. You are treated as you allow people to treat you, and when they come knocking and ask what in the world happened, tell them you got tired of your family tearing each other and you down, you love them too much to hang around waiting for more; stopping the damage before too much was done. You can do this and when you start focusing on the goodness that is possible for your immediate family, the healing will begin; be the head of your household, not your father the head of your household.
2006-10-31 14:09:55 · answer #2 · answered by OPTIMIST 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel as my husband also having the same problem as you just that he's mother is the domineering ones. I feel you have done the right thing by cutting them off your life as they are not only damaging your soul but also your life. They know that you are going to hv a great life together with your wife and they are just jealous that they couldn't have that kind of happiness. Just ignore them and everything will flow smoothly.... Good luck to your new life!
2006-10-31 14:01:23 · answer #3 · answered by Ryeo-won 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey bro, sorry to hear that...No one has any right (not even your parents) to treat you like c**p...Yes you should take a stand and walk away....Block thier email addresses and if necessary thier phone numbers too.You don't deserve to be treated this way ans niether does your wife...Don't think this makes you a bad person, it doesn't....You should not have to be stressed out over this...Don't say anything to them, just stop communicating...if they call, let the machine get it... don't open thier email either...Move forward and don't worry about hurting thier feelings, they have no problem hurting yours..I wish you all the best...
2006-10-31 13:42:34 · answer #4 · answered by Frank D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can take a break!!
I wonder what they'd do if you abused them over the phone or email.
If they abuse you over the phone, hang up on them. If they do it in person, leave. Change email addresses. Hell, change your address! Don't tell 'em where you live!! It works!
Let them know what they are doing, and what you will do if they cross the line.
Hopefully you aren't dependant on your dad.
I wonder how long it will take for them to turn on each other when you're not around?
2006-10-31 13:41:01 · answer #5 · answered by emilsignia 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you seemed to try your hardest to make it work but its clear that he wont change at all. So if you want to have peace in your life than your going to have to cut them off. At least for now, its going to be hard but take it day by day. I know many people who had to cut their family off for the same reasons as you, and it was hard for them, but it seemed harder to stay close to them and try. Now they have cut their family off for a few years now and are doing well. They have peace in mind, and have their own family, husband/wife and kids to help support them through each day. You just need to make sure you are not blaming your self and feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you tryed , now they need to know the only way to have you in their life is to get help and change. Untill them, i think its best you have a break from them. Have your wife and her family and your friends for support.
2006-10-31 13:39:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dr. Phil just answered a similar question in a magazine that I was just reading. You need to break off ties for awhile. Just enough time to bring yourself up. Don't allow anyone to talk down to you. Realize that it is their problem, not yours. Good luck.
2006-10-31 13:47:05 · answer #7 · answered by Lanna b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what is good for you your grown and dont need the problems from your childhood haunting you for the rest of your life. I say take some time for your self .
2006-10-31 13:51:32 · answer #8 · answered by The gr8t alien 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fiance was in the same situation as you, he has absolutely no contact with his father as he was abusive to him.
We are very happy together and occassionally his brother would call up to abuse him but he hangs up on him.
We see it as this, we don't need them. We have each other and we are happy without their harsh words in our face.
They are just jealous because you are successful, you have a beautiful wife (and kids?) and you are happy.
They are a negative family and to keep positive, cut any connection you have with them.
My fiance & I are very happy, we have each other, will have a beautiful wedding soon and precious children together, as far as I'm concerned, my fiances father has brought this all on himself as he will never get to know our children, he will never be welcome in our household (he wasn't welcome to our Engagement Party and won't be welcome to our wedding), he doesn't even know where to start in contacting us.
You don't need this pressure on you and lifes too short to be worrying about crap from anyone, put your foot down, change your number and make a fresh start for you and your wife.
2006-10-31 13:51:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds to me like they are asking you to cut them off. But not only that, I would wash my hands with them for a long long time! I have done it to my family and the last 4 years have been stress free!
2006-10-31 13:37:58 · answer #10 · answered by mouse3801 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋