How can someone who hasnt ever been cared about and shown love while they grew up be able to show someone else love. How can you show love if youve never really had it. How can you be completly unselfish with your love and dedicate all you have to others? Is it harder for those who havent ever been loved and what can they do to help themselves do this? WHat can they do to have normal lives. Yes, counseling but how else. HOwdo people ike this learn to show their love so others can see it. Any ideas?
2006-10-31 12:12:51 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
First, you're going to have to learn to love yourself before you can begin loving others.
Pure, deep, and permanent personal transformation, such as transforming low self-worth into self-love, starts with the deepest heartfelt desire to make the transformation. If you prefer to complain, or you prefer to stay stuck in the feelings you currently have even though those feelings bring sadness, then this is solely within your choice.
Personal transformation requires a deep, heartfelt desire along with an earnest commitment from you.
You have to desire to feel self-love, high self-esteem, pure unconditional self-confidence more than you want to remain stuck with the self-degrading feelings you currently may have.
You have to desire to move out of your comfort zone, which means no complaints and no self-insults from this moment forward.
This might surprise you, but the only way you can transform the way you feel about yourself is through your conscious choice. If you would rather put yourself down and continue to complain about how miserable you feel and how miserable your life is, this is your choice.
So here, right now, it’s decision time. What do you really and truly prefer? To feel self-loathing, insecurity, and less than worthy? Or to feel genuine self-love, inner confidence, and equal to the rest of the human race no matter who you are looking at?
By forgoing all complaints and self-insults, you will show yourself how committed you truly are deep inside your heart to choose to follow the guidance I am sharing with you step-by-step, guidance that will teach you how to feel self-love. The process will work only when your heart is committed to it.
One ground rule for feeling self-love is to stop all hateful comments that you make about yourself and the conditions in your life. This is where it starts, and as you can now see, no one other than you can do this. This step will also show you how real self-love cannot come from anyone else. If you want to feel it inside, and if you want those feelings to be permanent, unconditional, then having personal ground rules is required. They are all pure and positive, and will only be helpful to you.
It is imperative that you know how important your conscious awareness is with respect to what goes through your mind about you. Following the steps requires the cooperation of your free will and choice, your thoughts, focus, and gut instincts.
So any of the complaining you have been doing or statements about how horrible you look or how bad your life is or how you don’t measure up must be stopped.
The only way to stop your complaints is to notice when they come up in your mind. Because you have probably been making these negative statements habitually for quite a long time, they will pop back up in your mind for a little while. But take heart, because with this process, they are not going to last. They won’t even come up again after a while.
2006-10-31 12:35:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a question! If you haven't had much by way of examples of love, then it's going to be harder for you not only to give it, but receive it. Yes, therapy can help, but only if you have the right therapist. One starting point is to look into your own heart and your own self and realize that you are worthy of love, worthy of happiness. This is where a good therapist can be of assistance. From there, you will have to learn what it means to let yourself be loved by others. It involves trust and certain amount of vulnerability which is a tough lesson to learn, but well worth it. If you can find a copy of the children's book "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint Exupery, there's a chapter about the prince and the fox (it's into the book a ways). It's a story of learning to trust...and can be an example of learning to love. Might be worth reading. Good luck.
2006-10-31 20:48:20 · answer #2 · answered by FL LMT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard, i'll admit that much. When your never shown love, especially by those that should have loved you the most, its hard to show love to someone else. The intimacy issues and selfishness are hard to overcome, but it is possible. If you meet the right person who is willing to wait and help you through your problems then it is possible to overcome it. Just getting close to another person is hard because you dont know how. How do you show another person love?? How do you tell them how much they mean to you?? You just take it one day at a time, and do what you feel comfortable doing when its time. Life is never "normal" even for ppl who were showered with love and attention as children, its just that you have social problems and problems connecting with another person one on one. You have to reach deep into your soul and see that your a person capable of love and bring that out.
2006-10-31 21:49:57 · answer #3 · answered by prettygirl_angel2007 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People love all the time. There are examples all around us. Plus love is a natural thing. If a guy is completely unselfish to a woman she will think of him as a wuss and leave him. The opposite is also true.
2006-10-31 20:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by goose1077 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is inherent to humans... and dogs maybe. If one is loved then one can love back. If a person has never been loved it may be a bit more difficult. But as Deepak Chopra said, we are all born with the ability to love.
2006-10-31 20:18:09 · answer #5 · answered by Pedro D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may be wrong but I believe that love is not something you learn. It is there, inside of your heart, just waiting to blossom.
Even in this horrible situation that you described, it is possible to love, to express your love feelings.
I think that if you do acts of kindness to others, love will begin to flow. My personal experience is that GOD is LOVE. If you tell Him to show His love to you, this marvellous love will flow from Him into your heart.
I´ll pray now that you will do this and be filled with love.
2006-10-31 20:23:03 · answer #6 · answered by Vovó (Grandma) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I kind of equate to your question. Our brain is like a computer. What was programed at an early age (or any age) is kind of relevent here.What do you recall? I asked God to help me in my mid-20's and He did. Thats when I found true help. Lean on Him.
2006-11-01 01:32:14 · answer #7 · answered by Red! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
only threw gods help
2006-10-31 20:17:41 · answer #8 · answered by native,pride 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋