Mother issues! She's so rude, what do I do???

Question

Ok, this is a tough one, my mom is very self-centered and rude. She met my husbands parents for the first time and she put barely any energy into talking to them or being nice. They are very nice people and didn't deserve the rude undercurrent.

Later, her friends came to visit her at my house and she was a different person, bubbly and happy. Why couldn't she put in the effort for something that's important to me? I love my mom, I buy her everything in sight, treat her very well. Things weren't always good, but I have tried hard to help her and no matter how she acts I always will.

Here's another example - my husband and I feel it's our job to help provide for parents when they are old. We let his parents know they were welcome to live with us if anything happens and they were very appreciative.

When I extended the same invitation to my mom, she barked "I don't want to live with you!" WTF!?

Any thoughts? I'm a nice enough to silently deal, but..help?

Thanks for all of your thoughts! I tried to talk to her and she said (rudely) "they're not my family!" and wouldn't say more.

Also, do you think I should keep buying her things if she acts like this? I do think she has been self-centered with many people her whole life, itmay not be about me personally, but should I take a stand by buying her less?

I know that may sound dumb, but it's hard for me. I always feel children should take care of parents, but she really never went out of her way when I was young, like I never had health insurance or and she didnt save for college or even save money for retirement. She's almost 60 and I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but I work 14 hr days in part because I am scared of her needing help later on and not being able to afford it (she has nothing saved, I'm the only child!).

I don't know if this sounds dumb but I am seriously not sure what to do. I was thinking about helping her buy a condo but I feel she really isn't very nice to me!

Answer 1

seems like mom is self-centered into what makes her happy and determined not to see you happy. there's really nothing you can do to make her be the way you want. that's something only she can fix and if she doesn't want to, you'll just have to keep a distance or accept her the way she is and don't get angry with her...realizing she'll never change. just enjoy your husband and the family you create. make you own family history and try not to live with a fantasy of mom being the way you would want her to be. good luck.

Answer 2

She sounds like a spoiled brat. Seems like she has placed herself above everybody else. Personally, I don't think you or anyone else deserves disrespect. However, you can't change people. I don't see anything wrong in expressing your feelings and then putting her actions behind you. If you don't, sooner or later it's going the fester up. When she acts up like that, "Say, you make me feel like nothing that I do or say is appreciated or good enough" or "We only said that because we care about you and your future. We were hoping it would put your mind at ease." "Family, both his and mine, are very important to both of us and there is nothing more that we want than harmony and happiness when we all get together." I feel the same way you do about parents, and the reverse, children if they run into a jam when they get older. However, none of us have to accept a crap on the head when all we are trying to do is be kind, live by the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule. You can also tell your Mom that bad attitudes are left at the door at your house. You can also tell her that you hope she doesn't live a lonely, empty life when she gets older. If she questions that, tell her that she is driving the family away from her with her negativity and ungratefulness. You have nothing to loose. Actually, she's probably jealous of you and wants to stir stuff up between you and your man.

Answer 3

well, hopefully you don't live with your mother, because I sure as hell live with mine, and she always manages to drive me crazy somehow. i mean, if you're not living with her, then enjoy the time that you have away from her. some parents are just annoying. you ever seen "Everybody Loves Raymond?" Sheeesh! I know it's only a TV show, but a LOOOOOOTTTTT of people's parents are like that in real life. Most of the time, our parents just want the best for us, but they don't know how to achieve this objective. Tell her that she's driving you crazy and how it makes you feel, and if she could please stop or at least learn how to control her rudeness, otherwise, you will have to start seeing a lot less of her. If she still doesn't consider your feelings, then there's nothing you can do but keep distant from her and ignore her when she starts acting rude. Good luck!

Answer 4

Sounds like your mom might just be the burly and rude type - either that or she has a secret problem with you/your family that she isn't voicing. Maybe she is jealous of you and the life that you have. Either way, nothing you do will make her happy and the best thing you can do is talk to her about her actions and see what she has to say.

Answer 5

Well All we can say is talk to her again and again reassuring that
everything is alright. And your not sure why she has to act so rude toward his family members. Tell her how much you love her
and you don't want her to live in an convalescent home when she
gets older. If she acts out then tell her that you are not sure what
she wants from you. You must tell her how you feel. Don't leave
anything out ,spill all.

Answer 6

It sounds like your mom is spoiled. She may be jealous that there are other people in your life. Back off a bit. It will get worse before it gets better, but she'll learn if she wants your attention, she'll have to behave.

Answer 7

your mom has a problem either with your marriage,your husband or something of that sort,sit her down and have a mother to married daughter talk and let her know how much you are happy with your husband and how much you love her so if there is anything shes uncomfortable with she should bring it up for discussion

Answer 8

Best thing for you to do would be to sit down and talk to your mother. Tell her how you feel and ask her why she's acting like this. She's really the only person who can tell you anything.

Answer 9

It sounds like your mother is selfish and immature don't feel bad not all of us had the greatest mother's just be patient and I bet when she gets old she will be appreciate it then and just hang out with your in laws they sound way cooler then your own blood

Answer 10

Perhaps your mother felt shy and uncomfortable. I am very quiet when first meeting new people. I tend to be shy. I know it comes off as me being rude. That is not what I intend at all, and I don't know how to remedy it.