Over a year ago, I had a huge fallout with who was at the time my best friend. There were a number of reasons for this, some including that I had been going through some really tough stuff (death in the family, fiance in Iraq, etc.) she was really dramatic about everything imaginable and she has since moved to another state. Then someone told me that it was her that had started a rumor to destroy me and my fiance. This didn't work of course, but regardless, I never found out if she had actually said it or not. We have worked on this since she left, and even spent a weekend hanging out when she came into town last. It seems that things have changed with her. We got along wonderfully, and I missed her being around. Anyway... Im not sure if I should let it all go and ask her to be a bridesmaid or not. I know she would like to, as she has made small comments about my wedding... I am not angry with her, nor her me (i think) so, yes or no? My fiance thinks she wouldn't cause any problems.
2006-10-31 08:50:49 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
she hasn't made any negative or jealous comments, she is just interested in the wedding to the same degree she was before the falling out. and the rumor was that I had been unfaithful (which was COMPLETELY untrue) and the only reason I suspected her was because of the guy that told me about it. but i think he may have had his own motives for saying that. To be honest, a year ago, i was strongly against talking to her... but now, i don't really remember why i felt so strongly. I am going to talk to her about it again, in depth though
2006-11-02 10:21:08 · update #1
The real rule of thumb is to choose women that are important in your life right now... and if you consider this girl to be your friend now and you feel like things are good, then I would ask her to be a bridesmaid.
I, too, had a falling out with a childhood friend when we both went off to college. Things were not the same for years. But a couple of years ago we buried the hatchet, so to speak, we talked it through and now things are great! She is a bridesmaid in my wedding and I am so thrilled. You can't look back.
Oftentimes we look back at the bad and seem to forget all of the good that was before that. So if she is important to you now and you feel close, then ask her.
2006-10-31 08:56:19 · answer #1 · answered by PT&L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should. Fights make relationships stronger, beleive it or not. If you've made it through this whole issue, then maybe you're better for it. And i think you should as well ask her about the rumor. If she truely is the good freind she says she is, then she will confess, or break the rumor. Tell her it's water under the bridge, but you jsut want to know. That way, there's clear air before the wedding. And if she did, find out why. Maybe she knew something about ur fiance that u didn't, or was worried about losing you, or even worse, jealous of u or him. Just get your relationship straight first, and have a good talk w/ her, that way u can go into your wedding with a clean slate and ur good friend next to u.
2006-10-31 08:58:41 · answer #2 · answered by christine p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first, I'm a wedding planner, so I have a little experience with things like this..
It's ultimately your decision...Remember that...That being said, it sounds like she may or may not have betrayed you in some pretty major ways...the indecision that you have over whether it's possible that she did it says to me that there's been a big fracture in the trust and the friendship itself. There's no rule that says that just because you've known the person a long time that you have to pick them...
Secondly, if she's already making comments for whatever reason (jealousy maybe??) then there's a good chance that comments will be made closer to the wedding (at the time you need it least) that might upset you...or really anger the other bridesmaids.
Trust me...the last thing you need on your wedding day is drama... and it sounds like she loves drama.
My gut says no don't ask her...
2006-10-31 10:45:40 · answer #3 · answered by AllisonCooper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask her to be. I had this same issue. One of my best friends was making a big deal over us possibly having our wedding on an Island (even though we said it was a possibility and we would of course have a reception when we got back) but she said i was inconsiderate of her b/c she wouldn't be able to afford it. Since when is your wedding about your friends? That was one issue among many others...she has moved away for college...a few years longer than usual, and we haven't been as close since she moved. She has been a drama queen about another friends wedding...Anyways, i wasn't even going to ask her to be in the wedding, but i realized that it would mean alot to her, and I know she would have been very hurt . We have also been friends for over 10 years.
So, if you still plan to be friends with her, you should ask her. I think you would probably regret it in the long run if you did not. Hopefully she is mature enough to look at it as a honor to be in your wedding and not a way to hurt or destroy you and your fiance...and maybe even make it up to you guys (if she did do what was said in the rumor).
2006-10-31 09:41:48 · answer #4 · answered by kridin04 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be as concerned about the rumors--part of me would definitely question what the person relaying the rumor's intentions were.
It sounds like you all fell out because you were under a great deal of stress, and her moving provided even more of a distance.
When you hung out again, things were back to normal, because solid friendships don't end over he said/she said, or petty disagreements. I say include her in the wedding.
If the supposed rumor is bothering you that much, then address it with her. If she blows up, and becomes disagreeable, then you know your answer. Otherwise, I think any real friend would be willing to discuss any misunderstandings.
2006-10-31 09:00:18 · answer #5 · answered by Janx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask her flat out if she ever did anything, or wanted to destroy your relationship with your fiance. If she did indeed make any attempt to do this I would definitely not invite her -- she doesn't deserve to be invited to a wedding of a couple that she tried to break apart. And I would explain why you're not inviting her.
However, if she did not do this evil and mean thing, then I would invite her. It sounds like your friendship is going to continue, so it might be uncomfortable not to have her there. BUT, if she did try to split you up, then I would tell her that you would like to continue the friendship, you will find a way to forgive her, but she should understand why she isn't invited to the wedding.
Congratulations! I hope you have a great married life together regardless of what happens with your friend.
2006-10-31 08:58:03 · answer #6 · answered by LiveLifeBeGood 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation when I got married last fall. I had a falling out in college with my then best friend since high school. We stopped talking and it was difficult for our mutual friends. I ended up not inviting her to my wedding, but a month later a mutual friend of ours got engaged and asked us both to be bridesmaids. We started spending time together and talking because of it and in the end, I really regret not inviting her to the wedding.
Of course I didn't have to consider her to be a bridesmaid or not, but remember...your bridesmaids are going to be in pictures for years to come when you look back at your album. Perhaps if you are unsure of asking her to be a bridesmaid as her to be a reader or play another part in the wedding.
2006-10-31 08:57:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bridesmaids are going to be people you can depend on not only for the wedding but in the future. Is she that kind of person? Only you know this. As far as the "rumor" thing if you never confronted her about it and you do not have ABSOLUTE proof she started it or "tried " to put a rift in your relationship....than don't let that be the reason not to ask her. Good luck and congrats!
2006-10-31 08:59:22 · answer #8 · answered by allaboutwhat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having someone as a your bridesmaid isn't just for fun. She is someone who stands for the meaning of friendship and marriage. Does she lead a moral and good life? Does she support you in your times of need? Is she overall a good person?
Sounds like she can turn on people in an instant. Be picky about who you have standing for you at your wedding. This is a very important day for you and your fiance.
And definitely don't do it to get the friendship back on track or to make her like you, that is the worst reason.
2006-10-31 09:36:40 · answer #9 · answered by aprilandroland 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invite her to the wedding, maybe let her do a reading or something, but I would say no to the Bridesmaid thing.
If she may have almost destroyed your relationship, why do you want to give her a big part in the wedding?
If she asks you why she is not playing a bigger part in the ceremony, tell her it is b/c she lives in another state.
2006-10-31 09:58:03 · answer #10 · answered by ee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋