Allright, here is the deal. I am supposed to be getting married in February. Well my fiance just came clean that he has had an iFriends account and that his checking account was overdrawn because of charges from iFriends. I need some advice as to what to do. Do I trust that he will be honest or what? He lied about this for 3 weeks to not only me but to his family. He has serious financial issues and lying issues. I just need advice on how to either get this fixed before we get married or even if I should go through with it.
2006-10-31 08:38:50 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
iFriends is a web cam chatroom(S) some devoted to hobbies, many devoted to adult and sex chat (web cams used especially
here). Why didn't he mention he was on iFriends if it was innocent? Why did he
run his account up so high? What was he doing there? If he has an addiction to webcaming other girls or hanging around the sex chat rooms, it is a sexual addiction that is hard to overcome. You did say he was a liar...why would you want your future children to have a liar for a father? If you think he is worth saving then by all means seek premarital counseling and if a sex or
girl addiction comes out (after all he was seeing you) you might dump him or postpone your wedding indefinitely. Forget
February for sure....you have work to do!
2006-10-31 11:14:53 · answer #1 · answered by Raven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely get this taken care of BEFORE you get married. You can always postpone the wedding (hopefully, right?) It's good that he did fess up to what was going on - maybe he was afraid you'd be really upset with him. And it's okay that you are upset with him. But you need to talk to him about why you are upset with him - he lied to you. However, it may be an even deeper problem here. If you feel that he has serious financial issues and lying issues, you two probably should get it all figured out before you get married. There are people who can help you guys. It's much harder with that stress on top of other stresses that occur when you first get married. You don't want to end up in the end in debt because of a possible financial/lying problems and then no longer married as well.
2006-10-31 19:05:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I am not too sure what this Ifriends thing is.... but if its like a chat room or something that is just wrong and you should be PISSED!! You need to really sit down and talk with your fiance about this situation and let him know you will not tolorate being lied to. If you guys are going to get married he has to be compleley honest with you. Also since you will be getting married maybe you should be in charge of the money situations. Make sure have get access to his account, in fact close his account and open up one together so you can keep a closer eye on him. Don't give up on him so easily. YES lying is AWEFUL, but give him a chance to redeem himself. After your talk with him you should have a better understading on how he is going to deal with this situation. GL and I am so sorry that sucks.
2006-10-31 16:47:00 · answer #3 · answered by totallylovableandinlove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not address your financial issues now, before marriage, they most certainly can cause huge rifts during the marriage. Finances are one of the biggest things that couples fight about. You can possibly suggest credit counseling, cutting up of credit cards, separate accounts (but remember you still may need to bail him out if he goes under again), or professional counseling. Premarital counseling through the church would also help.
If he is irresponsible now, it may continue if noting is done right now. He obviously thinks the world of you to even admit about the overdrafts, but I would seriously question why he has an Ifriends account, or any other account like that.
Sit down and discuss your financial situation, goals and dreams with your fiance and draw out a plan to nip this before it becomes a giant problem that cannot be slayed.
Good luck!
2006-10-31 16:53:36 · answer #4 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself if you're ready to put up with at least some of this stuff for as long as you're with him (which, if you guys get married, could be a long time). You can't "fix" it, it takes a lot of growing up to change these things, and even then it is unlikely he will change completely. If you're looking for your husband to be a good provider and a trustworthy individual, my guess is that you won't find it in your current fiancé. If he can't even have enough $$ in his checking account to pay for iFriends - how do you think is he going to take care of his family? The answer - not very well.
He may have a lot of great qualities, I don't know. If you feel that his good qualities are worth the sacrifices, then commit and don't look back. You may have to keep your finances separately, or at least be in charge of money and bills, for as long as you're with him. And you will have to overlook an occasional lie or two. It all depends on what you're willing and not willing to compromise on.
2006-10-31 16:56:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Issues like these demand intensive therapy/counselling. And if he's not 210% honest and committed to working on these issues and improving himself, then it's only going to tear you and your marriage to pieces. Believe me, I've been there and done that. Take a good cold hard look at this entire situation. How do you truly see your marriage? Don't try to fool yourself or anyone else. If you can't stand up and put your foot down, you're in for more heartache and despair than you will be willing to admit to. If you have the slightest twinge of negativity or you do truly deep down know that he's not going to get it together, admit it now and take a less severe heartbreak now rather than the critical one later.
2006-10-31 18:55:37 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. Princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to get his problems worked out, and he has to do them without you. Unless he does, he'll never learn to be responsible or trustworthy. If he lied about this, he's capable of more. This is not a good way to begin a marriage. Keep in mind you will possibly inherit some of his financial problems or develop more once you marry.
I probably wouldn't marry him until he gets his act together- and only if you go to premarital counseling first. If he has a problem with that, then he's telling you all you need to know.
Good luck.
2006-10-31 16:43:00 · answer #7 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have trust issues, you should probably not get married.
What's iFriends, a dating service?
Put the wedding on hold for another year. If you truly are going to be together, giving him a year to get himself together isn't too much to ask. Hey, someone else may sweep you off your feet in the meantime.
2006-10-31 16:43:39 · answer #8 · answered by lynn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go to a counselor...financial and relationship...and figure out what is going on with your guy. Tell him that you want to go through with the wedding, but you need to go through a few sessions first. He might feel more comfortable telling you thing sif there is a mediator present. Good luck!!
2006-10-31 20:50:51 · answer #9 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump the bum. Why would you want to marry a lying, financially irresponsible person? Does he sound as if he is mature enough to handle a committed relationship? I think not.
2006-10-31 16:47:41 · answer #10 · answered by Jokickaz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋