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I have been on and off with this guy for a few months, i still have feeling for him and everything. Yesterday we got into this huge blow out fight and he tod me not to call or text him again. He texted back the next day and said he wanted to just be friends. I told him friends don't tell thier friends never to call again and i wouldnt call us friends but we could be "buddies". He got mad and started giving me attitude so i told him to shove it up his a**
with the rest of his personality. He started calling me a bi*** and said i was ugly and all ths other stuff. It was so wierd cuz just a few days earlier he was telling me how much he cared about me and all he wanted to do was make me happy and nothiing could come between us.He says it wont work out but it's oss hard for me to move on. I dunno what to do now cuz i have to to a church tonight for halloween and he will be there. should i try talking to him cuz we were really close before and I dont want to loose him. HELP!!!

2006-10-31 08:32:02 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

18 answers

To error is human, and if you know a person long enough they are going to blow up and mess up. If you have only been on and off with this guy for a few months, then you definitely should try and resolve the matter. If these blow ups were a continuing pattern over a longer period, then I would say let him go.

A couple of things that are good to keep in mind: people are mean when they are afraid (guys do not like to admit this) -- afraid they are not going to get their way, afraid things are getting too complicated, afraid of furthering commitment to a relationship etc. Wether the person is conciously aware of it or not, and most guys are not, they can explode because they do not want to deal with. If the cause was not some of these things, then he could have just been having a bad day or a bad week, people have those sometimes, and you need to just listen, step back and give them some space if you really care about them.

If the issue is over something that will not matter a hundred years from now or even won't matter ten years from now then it is usually a good rule of thumb to not be anxious, worried or concerned about it. Keeping the above in mind, If you are both going to be at the same get together tonight, and the problem between you two was not or is not going to cause you to do something illegal, immoral, or cause you to loose your religion then forgive him and act like it never happened. Remember though give him some space and if it is meant to be it will be.

One last thing , what do you hope most that this guy would do when he sees you at the Church tonight? Then you should think about doing that yourself. If you do this though, pre-play that you will accept what ever his response is to your overture, whatever it is do not act negatively, accept it, give him his space, be cordial and if he cares about you and it is meant to be he will come back to you more committed than ever. Best of Luck!

2006-10-31 09:00:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

No - do not talk to him. He may actually be a nice guy, but he has a screw lose at the moment. In another ten years he might even be decent, but right now he's no good for you.

You were right to tell him what a friend is and isn't, and his blowing up shows he cannot keep a handle on how he feels - especially if he was so lovey-dovey just days earlier.

As for the church event, the very best thing you can do is go, not approach him, and go about everything not only as if he wasn't there, but as if there was never a "him."

If he talks to you, be civil. If he tries to start a fight, don't dignify it and get out of there. And if he tries to apologize, seriously, thank him and tell him you want to wait a while - a long while - before talking to him again.

Do this because, to be honest, he will only want to be "friends" so he can get his way back into the clubhouse again. And if you're dealing with that kind of sticky drama, you aren't out finding that other guy who you are supposed to be with.

Good luck!

2006-10-31 16:39:11 · answer #2 · answered by Ciaoenrico 4 · 0 0

Hun, this is why younger people under 18 shouldn't date too seriously. You guys allowed your emotions and anger to escalate the situation into a full on shouting match. Plus, you both are just trying to hurt each other or show how much more mature you are than the other person when you both aren't.

If you really want to just be friends, then be so, but it's obvious to me reading this Q that neither wants this. He says he wanna be freind and you say ok and he freaks out. Then you freak out. So on.

My advice, stay away from each other for a little while. If he approaches you, remember to keep calm even if he starts going off. Remind him that going off and shouting will not solve anything and that only by talking CALMING without spitefulness or hurtful words will get you guys anywhere. It's not about winning. If it is, then you will both lose.

Good luck, and hopefully u both will work it out.

2006-10-31 16:41:02 · answer #3 · answered by MisterO 5 · 0 1

I wouldn't extend myself to a guy that's treating you like crap. If the guy knows what he wants he will either come and apologize or he will leave you alone. The best thing for you to do is try to avoid him at this point, if he wants your attention he will get it. Until then try and live your life and find someone who will treat you right because it sounds like this guy has some entire other issues to deal with before he can treat you properly.

2006-10-31 16:36:48 · answer #4 · answered by cjkaniman 1 · 0 0

omfg. deja vu for me. my best guy friend...sounds just like this dude. me and him were off and on and one day we just like had a huge friggen fight. for no reason. he told me he didnt want to be friends and that everything he told me was a lie but the day b4 was all like baby i love you i cant wait till were older and married to each other im so happy your in my life. so i just gave him an attitude back i was like dude dnt tlk to me after u say all that stuff. he came crawlin back to me and was like im so sorry. if he doesnt come up to tlk to you tonight, when hes not around alot of friends or when you think its an ok time ask if you can tlk to him for a min and tell him its important. then tell him how u feel. he might not have something to say but mayb hell just give ou a huge hug and apoligize.

2006-10-31 16:39:05 · answer #5 · answered by kole 1 · 0 0

You DON'T want to lose someone who calls you a bi*** and tells you you're ugly???? Are you a glutton for punishment??? This guy NEEDS to be in church more often. Pick up your self-esteem and move on. Find someone who will treat you with respect

2006-10-31 16:35:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I think you should talk to him because if you 2 really are as close as you say you are you won't let anything come between your friendship. And maybe you could start out apologizing first. ( But don't over do it. That way he won't think he has won the battle. ) Just say that you think what happened might have just gone a little to far. That you both were just a little upset and maybe you and him could just talk it out. Hope that helps. Hugs and kisses.

2006-10-31 16:38:20 · answer #7 · answered by spice 2 · 0 1

Be glad he's gone! Anyone who will treat you that way should be alone! Why do you want it to work out? He sounds like a jerk, and it seems that anytime you have the smallest argument with him he puts you down. Not the type of person you need to be with.

2006-10-31 16:35:49 · answer #8 · answered by makawao_kane 6 · 0 0

Uh, what is it going to take for you to hear him. He has said don't call or text him and he called you ugly names. Great if you see him in church, just smile, but don't make contact with him, this is all his job now, and when he does be distracted.

2006-10-31 16:35:16 · answer #9 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0 0

First of all, if you guys are cursing at each other, then you all need to do some repenting at church! Let me tell you this girl, he is afraid of a committed relationship. Men, sometimes need time to think it through! Be real cool with him tonight, don't stoop to his level. Give him some time.

2006-10-31 16:37:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

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