Everything is set for our wedding in December but latley I have been having second thought about marrying him right now, I mean I Love him with all of my heart. He is deploying in January and am kind off mad at him beacuse his attitude has changed towrds me like he dosnet care for me in a way. He tells me he loves me but its hard at times because our conversations arent the same. What should I Do???????
Please help, no rude answers...Thanks for all of those who answer my question :)
2006-10-31 08:26:06 · 22 answers · asked by MrsRuiztobe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Have the 2 of you had any time for just the 2 of you where you don't talk about the wedding or his deployment? It sounds like the 2 of you are under extreme stress and it's taking a toll on both of you. Why don't the you go out just the 2 of you, doing something you both enjoy. Agree that while on the date you don't talk about the wedding or his deployment and see what happens.
2006-10-31 09:48:28 · answer #1 · answered by married2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay this is going to sound bad but,...if you don't think your marriage will make it through a deployment then I would break it off now. The guy is going somewhere dangerous and the last thing he need is to have to worry about you and a shaky marriage back home. On the other hand if you can be his rock, his comfort, a little piece of home every time he hears your voice or gets a letter from you then you may want to stay with him. If his attitude is changing well, he is going through a lot of stress right now and he may be trying to separate himself emotionally so that the separation won't hurt soo bad. Oh, and another thing, when you talk to him or write him, don't tell him your going out to the club or having a party. He won't be going to the club for a year and he doesn't need you telling him what a good time your having without him. Just some advice from someone who knows.
2006-10-31 08:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by Dud 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you have spent alot of money on the wedding and the reception. It is common for couples to feel stress before they get married and fights and especially i'm guessing cause he's in the forces which makes it even harder for him, because he knows he's going to be away for a year or more right after he gets married. That has to be hard for any couple.
I would suggest you sit down and talk with him and have a one or one. Tell him everything don't hold back and he shouldn't either. Talking about the proud and finding a solution before anything happens is your best option.
If you still feel the way your feeling and you don't feel the same about one another you can cancel it and wait, till your both ready. Marriage is a committment on both parts. Its scary and beautiful at the same. time.
2006-10-31 08:34:50 · answer #3 · answered by dee luna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with my boyfriend before he deployed. It can be really frustrating going off to war. Dont be mad at him because you will never know completely what he is going through. Think about if you were going off. You could possibly die (i'm not sure if he is going to iraq but it sounds that way) or your friend could die. My boyfriend was in a really hard hit unit and they lost alot of marines and he even almost died hiself. He watched his best friend die infront of him. He really needs your support right now. Be there for him cus he is your man. It is really hard I know but when he is gone all those months you are going to regret being mad at him. Enjoy the time left that you do. You really dont know what is going to happen and this is the mindframe he is in right now. Just be his positive reinforcement. Because I know that he probably doesnt get that from the military. Before my BF left they already told him that they would lose people and this is what he is probably thinking about. I hope all goes well... By the way he was supposed to go back as well in January but he isnt because they already have enough people going and his name wasnt on the list. So yay for us cus he already deployed twice already and I really dont think he or I could do it again. God bless you guys.
2006-10-31 08:37:53 · answer #4 · answered by vidamar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, things may not be the same for a while. Especially if he is deploying soon. He is probably trying to distance himself emotionally so he will be able to leave. Its hard watching someone walk away to board a plane that's taking them to God-Knows-Where, but im sure its even harder to be the one walking away. You should talk to him about it all. What is keeping you from wanting to go through with it? The changes in him? or fear of changes in you? Im sure he cares more than ever about you. It is going to be a hard thing, getting married then a deployment. But I promise, its worth it at the end. If you are still unsure, postpone it, but I would just talk to him and get it all out in the open so there aren't any regrets while he is gone. Good luck!
2006-10-31 09:11:09 · answer #5 · answered by Marines<3Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely need to discuss this with him NOW. You have a couple more months...you need to work this out now and you should feel 100% sure that you want to marry him. So if you're not, HOLD OFF, please. Do not make a big mistake like marrying someone you know isn't right for you just because the wedding is all planned. You really need to look at the big picture here.
2006-10-31 11:11:00 · answer #6 · answered by ixi26c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is a little scared and doesn't know how to go about it. NO second thoughts, your getting married and your going to be very happy. All relationships have a bump in the road, don't give up, you must work at this. You need to talk to your fiance and see what is on his mind. Maybe there are things that he is afraid to tell you. I think you going to have a great marriage. One thing to remember is that everything always works out for the best. Sit down with your fiance and talk with him about how you are feeling, he could be feeling the same exact way. All you need to do is talk.
2006-10-31 08:34:42 · answer #7 · answered by totallylovableandinlove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's a lot more scared of his deployment than he is letting on about. He maybe trying to distance himself from you so that the separation will not be so hard. In a woman's mind that doesn't make since but it maybe his way of protecting you and himself. I would sit down and told to him about your concerns and try to get him to open up about his.
Are you going for per-marital counseling with you pastor or person performing the ceremony? If it's not till later talk to them and maybe you could move it up a bit. That is a great time to bring out concerns you have with a mediator to help things along.
If this still doesn't work please postpone the wedding. Better to wait than be unsure. Marriage is suppose to be for life so make sure your ready.
2006-10-31 08:42:26 · answer #8 · answered by cbenyon35 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked him how he feels about being deployed. Sometimes soldiers get very distant to their spouces and children prior to deployment. It don't mean he don't love you, he is just trying to make it easier or him to do something he doesn't want to do and that's leave home.
Sit down and talk to him ask him to tell you the truth, tell him you are concerned. My wife and I argued alot for a few months right before our weeding, but it was just nerves nothing to be concerned about.
In a marriage communication can solve problems and in some cases stop them before they become very serious.
2006-10-31 08:41:30 · answer #9 · answered by cisco_cantu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be just nerves before the wedding...or if could be something more serious. If you truly feel funny about it, talk to him and see where he's at. Cancelling the wedding isn't so bad - you must do what is best for the both of you. It would be awful to get married and two months later divorce.
2006-10-31 08:38:03 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋