I am 5 months pregnant, and still feeling very sick! I require a lot of my husband's attention. My mother in law, is so jealous of this, that she will do anything she can to keep him away from me at night when I want him with me. He is too stupid to realize it, and I feel bad complaining about his own mother! He says I shouldn't require so much attention. And that he cannot be there to give me attention all the time. I feel I deserve all of his attention, since I am carrying his child! I am very emotional, and everytime we try to talk about it, I start to get too upset and cry. Don't I deserve his full attention? And why would his mother want to take that away from me to fulfill her own selfish needs? Am I overreacting, or should his free time be going to me?
2006-10-31 08:09:24 · 21 answers · asked by Heather M 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Just wanted to thank everyone for their quick answers! I needed to hear people on my side..
2006-10-31 08:28:14 · update #1
So he goes home to mommy at night? What, does she still tuck him in and sing him a lullaby too? That makes no sense. He's married. She should respect that. It's not about attention, it's about him cutting the apron strings and becoming a man, soon to be a father himself.
On the other hand, if you are clinging and suffocating him, he may not want to come home to another fight/crying jag. Talk to him, tell him that a lot of this is the pregnancy hormones (because it is) and ask for understanding and quiet time with him before the baby comes.
Also, mama (in law) may be feeling like she is losing her baby. Her son is going to become a father, that takes a lot to get used to. Talk to her and say that you need your husband home.
Good luck
2006-10-31 08:17:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are very right to want attention from your hubby right now...But, all of his attention and time is a little extreme, even when you are pregnant and feeling ill. The best solution is always compromise, so try to reach a compromise with your hubby and new mother in law, for example, perhaps you could establish some ground rules, that if you are sick and really require his attention, he give it to you...But if you are having a better day and just have time on your hands he will be able to use his free time to visit his mom, or whatever else he needs to do. But, again there probably just needs to be some ground rules laid out to avoid more and more conflicts.
2006-10-31 08:14:31 · answer #2 · answered by playershort2000 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, she isn't your mother-in-law. She's your boyfriend's mother. It's obvious she is very controlling and not real happy with her son living with you. It's something that you are either going to have to deal with or he is going to have to put his foot down and set his mother straight. If you try to call the shots, I am afraid you will come out the loser. At least it sounds like your BF has recognized the problem and is voicing his concerns. Give it a bit more time. Mean while, give your BF a little something extra to look forward to on the weekends. Next time, screw him until his eyes go cross-eyed. Then he will have even more motivation to stay home with you. You can win this without saying a word to him about his mother. Good luck.
2016-05-22 19:33:19 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want his attention and she wants his attention.
Been there. I married too young and did not know how to handle it and we wound up splitting up.
I am now remarried.....you guessed it, I am going through it again. Thankfully I am older and much more wiser.
I usually hint that he (my husband) has other siblings, why does she always call him.
I also suggest, lovingly, that he needs to spend so quiet time and relax at night since he works so hard. (butter him up, don't nag)
If I feel she is being unreasonable I tell her myself she is infringing on my time with my husband.
You don't indicate if she has any other children. Or if she has a husband, to take care of what she needs done.
She does sound selfish, but the best thing for you is let her appear to be the unreasonable one.
2006-10-31 09:10:41 · answer #4 · answered by hsp_goddess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you deserve the attention. I think you are a little hormonal now and should try to write out your feelings so you dont cry when you talk about it. Find some good girlfriends to help you thru this.
2006-10-31 08:17:29 · answer #5 · answered by Mystie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, your pregnancy hormones are playing a part in this, it makes you a lot more emotional, easy to cry, etc, like PMS. I dno't think your husband can be there all the time but certainly should be there for you most of the time. Your MIL doesn't sound reasonable. But do keep in mind that the pregnancy hormones is making everything seem worse than it is. Hang in there!
2006-10-31 08:12:30 · answer #6 · answered by mom_of_ndm 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her get the best of you. This is a common problem. Try to love her - you will win your husband's approval & either you & your mother in law will develop a good relationship or....maybe she'll leave you alone. She is wrong to try to come btw you & your husband. You come first & I hope that your husband is not confused about that. You can't demand that he feel that way...but ...if you just be calm & show her love. He will love you even more!
2006-10-31 08:31:06 · answer #7 · answered by ELIZABETH B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're carrying his child, yes. It's very hard to communicate emotional situations when you're pregnant and your hormones are escalated. So you may have to write down your feelings. Tell him that you are his wife and you're going to bear his child. You need his support now and more so after the baby comes. Tell him that you're worried that if he's not here to give you that needed support now, you wonder if he'll be there for you when the baby comes. You can even suggest that he only have certain hours with his mom and the rest is time for you and his unborn child.
2006-10-31 08:13:03 · answer #8 · answered by LadyDeathStryke 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yeah see thats a tricky situation my mother in law hates my guts too just because she canwhen my husband told her i was pregnant she called me a dumb@ss and im a grown woman im 22 years old and my husband dident even defend me.its his step mom so their not that close thank god!and yes, you do deserve his full attention my husband cooks for me and babys me to death and im 7 mths now i wont have it any other way and no woman should have to do crap while pregnant if they dont want to .i dident get the whole morning sickness thing i got lucky my husband got quesy instead!
2006-10-31 08:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a WAY overbearing mother in law who tried to do that to me. I actually had to go see a counselor over it! Anyway, your husband married YOU and he needs to make sure that YOU are taken care of. That is not to say that he should abandon his mom, but his first priority should be you and his unborn child.
You need to help him to see that by very subtly pointing out "Wow, your mom wants you over again?" or something to that nature. Do not yell and scream or fight about it. Every time you fight with him about it, it pushes him even closer to HER.
He has no right to say how much attention that you need. You are carrying HIS child for goodness sake! He needs to grow up and cut the cord!
2006-10-31 08:16:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anne 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋