victim of homeschooling?

Question

I was homeschooled from k-11th grade, went to public school for 12th and currently I am a senior in College.

To this day I have horrible social skills, poor academic skills and almost no ability to reach out and connect with people.

My question is, are there anymore out there like me? People whos parents were too selfish and misguided to put their child's future above their personal desire to control every aspect of their child's life? People who resent their parents for being so selfish and uncaring?

I have never met a "normal" person who was homeschooled and I doubt I ever will.

Is there anyone out there like me?

I've gone to councelling, it didn't help. Someone who grew up pampered and rich (which seems to be all the therapists I went to) cannot even begin to understand the pain of the sheltered and abused

Answer 1

As a parent, I have done a little reading on homeschooling. One common thread I found was isolation among the homeschooling parents. It seems that many of the mothers get very isolated and depressed. So I have to wonder how healthy it is for the children of the isolated mothers.
I wish you well in your future. Please don't give up on yourself. You are still young. You can't change your past, but you can change your future, even if you have extra challenges.

Answer 2

You ought to move here. I've met plenty of normal homeschooled kids.

I find your post kind of odd: people with poor social skills usually don't know it. People who know there is something off with their interactions with people will usually seek out ways of fixing it. If you have no ability to reach out and connect with others, perhaps you should consider talking to a college counsellor to get over your fears. If you have poor academic skills, what are you going to do about it?

There are plenty of public schooled kids who graduate from high school with poor academic and social skills but take the initiative in college to do something about it--and, of course, some who don't and keep floating through life. Stop focusing on whatever ills may have occurred in the past and take charge of your life *now* and change it. Also consider the possibility that you may just be introverted. A lot of introverts

And yes, I grew up with a mother who was too self-centered and misguided, very controlling, and it's a very good thing I wasn't homeschooled. It's a shame if you were homeschooled in an environment that wasn't that great. But take steps to overcome those feelings. They lead to depression or just living a life of resentment.

I resented my mother for a while until I was tired of living that way. One thing I learned to do was to accept that my mother did the best she could. I accepted her imperfection and accepted that things weren't better because she didn't know how to make them better and perhaps didn't realize things could have been better. We are all imperfect beings. Forgive them their short-comings as you forgive your own.

ADDED: Hon, just because you found one or more counsellors who couldn't understand doesn't mean there isn't a good counsellor out there. Keep searching if you really care about yourself and want to overcome those feelings!

Answer 3

Even though you are equating homeschooling as the reason for your struggles, there are a lot of us who have had unhealthy home lives growing up -- whether or not we were homeschooled. Parents make mistakes whether they homeschool or not -- and I am not saying this to trivialize your pain, because you are obviously in pain. But the key is to move forward in your life and take the lemons and make the best lemonade you can. You can start by forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't a feeling, it's a conscious choice to let go of the past and move forward. Forgiveness releases you from the pain and releases the "hold" other people have on you. It sets you free. Believe me, I can speak from experience.

A lot of good people have had to defend their reasons for homeschooling, and it's easy to take issue with someone who clearly was not happy being homeschooled -- we homeschool families sometimes want the world to see homeschooling as a triumph because we've had to so often justify and defend our choices to many critics. But the truth is that there are people who will abuse something like homeschooling and cause damage. Most homeschooling families have very good intentions and do an amazing job with it. The point is not to blame homeschooling in and of itself but to take a closer look at what the deeper issues are in your situation. I suspect there are other people out there who feel as you do -- and not necessarily because they were homeschooled. That puts you in a position to heal and reach out to others who struggle as you do. Something good can come out of your experiences, if you allow it.

Answer 4

That's my one and only argument with home schooling.....social skills are as important if not more important than education....because if you cant deal with societal norms.....it doesn't matter what education you have. Good Luck

P.S. I was discussing the fact that a lot of children from this generation are lacking in social skills and I was wondering if there were any programs that deals with that subject.....this would be a excellent program ideal for someone like you... a soon to be graduate from college. Maybe you can be the one who can make a change, request a grant and write up a proposal and submit it to the Government, it will fall under the guidelines of "At risk children"

Answer 5

I do not brain gun possession via persons who will hunt or pass to a capturing variety... however random town dwellers having weapons is solely requesting an coincidence. If it was once mandated via the federal government to take a gun security magnificence, goal capturing magnificence, and a couple of different useful classes earlier than being allowed to buy a gun, I'd be all in favour of each person who certified having a gun... because it stands now (good, again in 2002 while I purchased my first searching rifle), they just do a historical past assess. It's sort of horrifying what number of persons are simply allowed to have weapons with none schooling. Homeschooling... I simply do not recognize why any person might be in opposition to that with how terrible the general public faculties in America are this present day. Students do not be taught a entire lot in institution since of dull matters like "no youngster will get left at the back of" which customarily way, (in CA,) that the complete magnificence is being bogged down for just one or 2 participants who quite will have to were left again a grade or 2. The Curriculum is simply too effortless at such a lot faculties, historical past of the habits of the US in overseas affairs isn't advised honestly as in they depart out entirely the US's function in striking Saddam Hussein in vigor and the various Massacres that took position in Vietnam after which included up via Congressmen and others within the government., and US scholars do not be taught as a lot or as speedily as many different 1st global nations... so why might any person no longer homeschool their youngsters if they are able to come up with the money for to take action? All you have to do to have your youngsters be taught to act round different youngsters and adults is contain them in physical activities, dance, song, or four-H. If I transfer again to the US (I am nonetheless a US citizen) I plan on homeschooling my youngster... with the aid of a Hired Tutor for topics that do not fall underneath the 2 levels I am operating on (European History and Biology) or the levels that my husband has completed. I do believe others that too many in poor health proficient adults are looking to educate their youngsters and suppose it might be profitable to require no less than a BA of the father or mother earlier than permitting them to be the only trainer.

Answer 6

Well, you should know this very interesting fact. According to the department of education, in the 4th grade students in America out perform students from all but two other nations on international tests. However, as the students are exposed to more and more time in public school, they fall way behind in the area of academics, falling to the 58th percentile by the time they reach graduation. So, according to these internationally accepted statistics, the problem lies with your mental and social skills and not with err in your parent’s attempts to help you get ahead. Sadly, we can lead a horse to water, but can't make him drink.

Answer 7

I don't know, but regardless of how much you hate your parents for what they did to you, you should realize that they probably did it out of caring for you, not to be intentionally malicious. Now, as someone who is not homeschooled but who has always had poor social skills, I can tell you that you learn to pick up social skills. Sure, some people just have this thing that makes them likeable or whatever, but for people like me, I just had to realize that the only person that could make me more sociable is myself. Basically, all you have to do is talk to people. Make small talk, it may seem awkward, but do it with anyone and everyone-- the guy next to you on the subway, the people sitting next to you in class who you have never met. Just talk, people won't hate you for talking to them (though with me, I always felt that they would, but ended up getting over that). Anyway, if you happen to go to McGill University for some reason, I would like to meet you. And please stop wallowing in self-pity, the sad truth is that any character flaws you may have all boil down to you at the end of the day-- this was a harsh reality that I had to come to terms with.

Answer 8

please do not put down homeschooling. for one I'm a teacher in a public school and i see the socializing that goes on and it's not all good. i have many music students (privately) that are home schooled and are just fine at communication. to gain better social skills your parents could have put you in activities in your community that allows you to interact with your peers such as sports, theater, music. I work with lots of kids at my school that have absolutely NO social skills. it is up to the parents to properly socialize their children. it seems to me your parents were either over protective or you just never asked to do anything outside. you have to be the one to put yourself out there. as an adult you are very capable of changing your social behaviors. you have to be the one to put yourself out there and do things for yourself. stop blaming your parents, they did the best they could for whatever your situation was. think about this...at least you got an education and you're a senior in college. do you know how many people can't go to school or college? did you know that there are parents out there that don't allow their kids to go to school at all? you should consider yourself lucky. suck it up, be a woman and do for yourself. stop you crying, you have it pretty good if you're a senior in college. and stop being so ignorant, there are many other support groups and thousands of counselors out there that can and are willing to help you. they are not all rich and snobby. like i said, I'm a teacher therefore i am a counselor. i help children home-schooled or not all the time and I'm not rich and i didn't grow up rich. i lived on the streets, I've lived out of my car, in shelters. I'm considered lower middle class in my area. i live in the ghetto though it may seem hard to believe, but it's what i can afford. i barely pay my bills and feed myself, and i pay for my own college tuition b/c my parents are poor and still work multiple jobs. be greatful instead of whining. at least your parents love you enough to give you the gift of education. did you not learn how to read, write, add and subtract?

Answer 9

I'm sorry that isolation, neglect and abuse were part of your homeschool experience but to characterize selfishness and a desire for control as the reasons parents home school is just wrong.

Answer 10

Honey there are plenty of home schooled people out there.
Just because you were home schooled does not mean your parents were controlling........ is it possible that they felt that was a better learning environment than the local public schools?

As a senior in college are you aware of the social programs and student organizations available? Some schools even offer counseling .... take control and make the changes you want and stop blaming your parents you are too old for that to work anymore.

Answer 11

oh puh-leeze!!!!! This is sooooo lame.

It is the never-ending chant of the "po' po' pitiful me" It is the NORM for selfish children to grow up to be selfish adults --- always blaming mom and dad for their own lack. How do you know that if you had gone to public school that you would not be blaming your parents for all of your problems?

How in tarnation does a person get to be a college senior with the attitude of this question. It is absurd.

It is your choice to be sociable or not. You can choose to have horrible skills or you can change them. It is your choice to study or not -- if you are such a terrible student how is it that you are in college. It is your own choice to reach out to others and connect with them.

You can start by reaching out to your parents and thanking them for doing what they thought was the best for you.

Be thankful that your parents raised you. Be thankful that they fed you and gave you a home and clothes to wear. This is not selfish. Be thankful that they gave you an education. Stop your whining and be GLAD that you are a senior in college and can move on with your life.

There are many people out there that are just like you. They are never happy with what they have and always assume that they would be different if their parents did things in another way. NEWSFLASH --- reality is that the grass is always looking greener on the other side. BUT it ain't true. If you went back and started over and went to public school you would be whining today that you were crippled by the system and how dare your parents choose to put you there.......

Every college senior that thinks they were messed up by their parents needs to grow up and get a life. Knock off the pity-party and do your best with what you have.