should I befriend my step mum to make it easy for everyone?

Question

Dad left and it was not in very good terms. Him and mum always argue about me ever since. Dad wanna be happy, my mum is so hurt. What do I do?

Answer 1

First thing you need to do honey, is stop trying to take responsiblity for everyone else's problems. NONE of this is your fault, and your Mom & Dad need to step back and see what all this arguing is doing to YOU.

It's not your job to make it easy for everyone else. Your feelings are important too. This must be a very, very difficult time for you - I'm so sorry.

If your step-mom is worth befriending, then do so. If not, be courteous, but there's no law saying you have to be best buddies.

You sound like a great person, and I hope everything works out for you honey. Good luck

Answer 2

It is easy to dislike a person that you don't know. And much easier to dislike someone that you think help cause your mother constant pain. Let your mother and father have that and you just be there as much as you can for your mother. As far as the step mom goes I think it's not her fault. Your mother and father probably wouldn't have made it anyway. If it wasn't her it would have been someone else. Give her a fair chance. Unless she does something personal to you don't give them a hard time. Your mother is going to be sad for a while, but one day she will get so far over it and be happy all over again. She might even thank him one day for leaving. So when your around your dad and step mom try to be happy at least then. I mean mom is already sad enough for everybody and I know you being her daugther share her pain. That does not mean you should not have another happy moment because she's miserable. Maybe you can help her come out of it. But you must live on. You are already promised a life of pain and suffering when you were born so be happy when ever you can. Trust. Good Luck and GOD BLESS!!!!! P.S. Try renting a Tyler Perry Play. Maybe that will cheer mom up a little.

Answer 3

First of all, what goes on between your mom and dad, has no bearing on how they feel about you, any breakup is hard, and often people do not stop to think about the effect it can have on the children. Neither parent should put you in a position, where you feel you have to choose. You mom is going to be hurt, and it will be hard for her to think of you being with them, try not to say to much to your mom that may make her feel jealous, and don't talk to much about your mom to your step mom, as both these women will be feeling that the other is a threat. Its especially important not to bad mouth either of them to the other, as this can lead to serious problems.

You shouldnt befriend anyone if you don't want to.

I would urge that you at least give your step mother a chance, she is human after all, and has feelings.

As a step mother I can say it can be bloody scary, becoming a step mother, you desperately want your partners child to like you, and you do not want to cause problems.

Your step mom, shouldnt try to be your mother, after all you have one of those, look at it as an opportunity to have a grown up friend who you can discuss things with, that maybe you cant discuss with your own mom or dad.

Give her a chance, thats all you can do. You never know you may actually like her, and your mom is going to be upset and hurt, just try to make her feel really special and let her know how much you love her. If you cant talk to you mom and dad about how you are feeling, write them a letter.

I hope it all works out well for you.

Answer 4

hi i know how u feel i was in the same position but remeber your mum is ur mum and ur new step mum will never take that away just think of her as a friend and a person who makes ur dad happy.ure mum will stop hurting in time just take it day by day and try to make the best of this situation.i get on with my step mum but i still love my mum

Answer 5

I am a stepmother.
My husband had seven kids with his first wife and even though he left her before he met me it still hurt them all when we got together. I get along with all of my stepchildren, even though two of them only do this for their fathers sake and it is obviously forced. The oldest stepchild was only four years younger than me and the youngest was 4 years old.

Anyhow, your stepmother will know if you are faking it, that can't be helped but she should appreciate any effort you make to ease the difficult situaltion.
I was only 26 and my hubby to be was only 42 (this was ten years ago and we are still going strong)

At the end of the day you can't force yourself to like someone and if you are still huting for your mother it is only natural that you are on her side.

Five of my step kids do actually like me, two came to live with me and their dad eight years ago and it 's great. Especially for their dad.

Each to their own I say, you can't like everyone.

I hope your mother can move on and find someone new to love. this is not your fault and you shouldn't feel like pig in the middle.

good luck.

Answer 6

tricky one.I would say be civil to your stepmum,you dont have to be the best of friends or anything,just be polite(even when you do feel like saying something you know might upset her)Its not really fair to make you piggy in the middle,this happened to me and my sister when my dad got with a new grilfriend. He is married now,but it took ages for us to accept her as part of our lives as as far as we could see she was the reason our family was broken up.All you can do is support your mum through this time,and show both of them how well turned out and grown up you are,best of luck**

Answer 7

Be friends with your stepmother. After all, she is a part in your life, like it or not. Best befriend her. If she doesn't take your friendlyness or takes advantage of it, talk to your father and tell him that you are having some problems with your step mom.

Answer 8

You dont have to be best friends with her, just get to know her, and if all else fails be civil and respect her as a person.
Maybe in time you will grow to like her more?

Answer 9

be friends with her..so that you get on with her...but dont push your mum out make sure that u get on better with your mum than your step mum

Answer 10

YES..at least respect her for wanting and loving your dad, she's treating him good so respect her, your mum will get over it soon enough, so should you....life goes on.....stepmums aint all that bad....