Am i alone,does anyone know how i feel?

Question

I have read all these terrible things that have happened to other people but i cant help but feel alone.I just keep thinking nobody knows how i feel,not to see my little girls again.I gave birth to2 little girls on the 30th of august&they died at 1 hour old.I lasted with my waters broken for 9 days but then an infection got around my first twin lilly may and then gracie llyn followed her sister out in to this awful world.I feel evil because i feel some days i push them so far from my mind that i dont accept whats happened.i hate it,why wont i let myself accept what has happened why do i do this.I feel sick when i go to their grave and other days im not so bad as others.am i normal..people keep acting wierd sayin oh it must be so hard but when i do show emotions they go all funny with me&i get really angry.My partner left me the day after the funeral and i know everyone handles grief in different ways but i cant forgive him for leaving me and im finding myself to have lost everything.Y

Answer 1

PLEASE get some grief counseling.

Answer 2

I don't think anybody can tell you how you are supposed to feel. There really are different stages of grief. I don't care if the babies lived to be an hour or 1 week old..you are ALWAYS going to love and miss them. Its normal to feel sad at the grave. I lost my son 6 years ago and I got so sick of everyone telling me "grieve and get over it" or why are you still crying..get a life. Until you lose someone you love you can't understand. You carried those twins for 9 months, you gave birth and now you can't see them grow up..I am so sorry. You are not alone trust me. I won't tell you that you should be glad you at least got to spend an hour with them..I don't think you need to hear that. Know that you will ALWAYS be a mom..whether you have your kids or not. Some days I cry myself sick and somedays I just think about him and live my life. I know if you had one wish it would be that your girls could come back and you could love them. Things happen and you must not blame yourself. I am not sure why your husband left you when you needed him the most. Probably because he was grieving too and didn't know how to talk to you or didn't want you to know. Maybe he blames you..which is stupid. Either way, know you are not alone..there are a lot of people who understand you and are grieving with you. I don't know where you live but in the bigger cities they have support groups for people who have lost children. Maybe it would help to be others right now. The last thing you need to do is sit home, isolate and not go out. That will depress you more than anything. If you need to talk to me, e-mail me (but you will need to remind me what it's about..I get so much spam). Counseling is what helped me a lot...you need someone you can talk to on a weekly basis who will just listen and offer let you cry or laugh or whatever.

Answer 3

What happened to you is horrible, most of us do not know how to react to difficult and hurtful situations and it's even harder to know hat to say to ther people when it happens to them.
Your partner shouldn't have left you, but then again most couples break up when a tragedy like that happens, because they keep recalling everything when they see his/her significant other... It's OK to feel the way you do, but then againg you must try and see what do you want from life now? try setting a goal for yourself it will keep your mind busy, you'll never forget about your twins, but in time your memories won't be painful they'll make you happy just to know you had them for a while.

I suggest you speak with someone that really care about you, someone like your best friend, your parents and stuff they wont know what to do probably but you'll have some company and you'll see taht you are loved by others even if you feel so alone.
If you practice or believe in a religion do that too.

You haven't lost everything, you are alive and maybe you dont have what you wanted but you could aim for something else you want for yourself. Maybe in a couple of years you'll find someone new and you'll have a family again.
Or maybe your partner will come back, but teh truth is that if he hasn't reached you since your funeral he probably wont be back, and if you can't count on him for the bad then he probably won't bring you a lot of good either.

I am sincerely sorry for your loss I hope taht you do find reasons to be happy again, there are loads of things in the world taht make us happy find some of those and try to live a normal life again. Your twins wherever they are will always love you.

Answer 4

I can't say I know how you feel because I don't. I'm so sorry for what has happened to you. I think the reason you keep pushing them away is because everything happened so fast. You didn't have time to think and now you do, but you were only w/ them for an hour. Just really try to accept what has happened in your life. Anytime anything has been tragic in my life, I always tell myself that it ALL happens for a reason. I know it's kinda soon to say this, but I promise you, something good will come out of this. It will be later, but just hang in there and ask god for help. He is in every one of us. I will pray for you tonight..

Answer 5

i cant even begin to imagine how u feel but one thing i do no is that it will take u a long time to begin to except what has happened. its not ur fault and ur not in the wrong to feel this way. maybe if u were to go and explain to ur doctor how u are feeling then he/she will be able to start putting u in the right diretion to start to understand whats happened and maybe get u the help u need. ur boyfriend or husband left u i dnt think this was personal to u i just think that this is his way of dealing with things but i can understand u being angry at him for not being there at a time u need him most. u need a fresh start not to forget what has happened but to accept what has happened and maybe try to move on from this. ur twins will always be ur twins and u will never forget them no one would want u to. but do u think they would want to see there mummy sad? they will always be looking down on u and u need to start to re build ur life as best as u can. when u go to see there grave it is hard its hard because u are having trouble facing whats happened when u learn to accept whats happened u will feel more at ease with visting there graves. even sitting there and talking to them at there grave side may help u talking about it always helps. it may seem like u have lost everything now but just keep going keep battleing things will one day get better for u i really do wish u all the best in ur life good luck in whatever u do please try this on line support group it may help u mathew s star infant death support

Answer 6

You need a good psychologist, not because you're crazy or weak or whatever but because you have experienced a legitimate trauma. You need a nice doctor in your corner that you can consult with. I am very sorry, I hope you are able to get some help. And I don't blame you for being more than just a little disappointed with your partner.

Answer 7

The best anyone can do is guess how you are feeling. No-one will ever know how you trully feel simply because they are not in your head and not living the life you are living. Even if someone has gone through the same things as you, they may handle it totally differently. There is no wrong or right way to feel...you just do, they are your feelings and probably about the only things in this whole wide world we can trully own. Our feelings are unique, no-one can ever feel what you are feeling. In saying that, however, you are not alone, and while people cannot understand your feelings, they still care. They still know you are hurting and would have to be total morons not to empathise with your situation. I think losing a child, children, in your case is a parents worst nightmare. I have never lost a child but it was my greatest fear. I would be absolutely devestated and just reading your question made me go all goosepimply. I do empathise with your situation, I may not know how you are exactly feeling, but I sure as hell am feeling sad about your loss. Your partner leaving you right after their funeral would about do it for you I guess. Youve lost your darlings then deserted by someone who is supposed to support you. Of course you are going to feel alone, and everyone grieves in their own way...there is no right or wrong in that either. You really need to give yourself time, time is the only healer. You will never come to terms with the loss of your babies, that will stay with you for the rest of your life. It will not always be this way though, you will learn to deal with your loss and it wont be always this painful. Be kind to yourself, give yourself the time you need to grieve. And if going to their graves is too much for you right now, then dont. There are no rules on how to cope in this situation. Don't care what anyone else says or thinks...it is you who is going through this terrible time, not them. And may I say, there is no-one out there who is in a worse position because they are not you and they are not feeling what you are. Dont ever disregard you own feelings thinking there is someone worse off than you because there isnt for the reasons I just said, they are not you, they are not feeling what you are.

I lost my father many years ago...I loved him so much and you know I have been to see his grave twice in 30 years. I dont feel bad, simply because I know he isnt there. He is somewhere in the spirit world, his soul lives on. I know he is with me, I feel him, so his grave is really on a memorial which I dont need because I remember him in my mind and my heart.

I do suggest that you do get some help with all of this because it is not just a simple matter of depression, you have had a major loss and I dont know if I could deal with it on my own. As one person said, go and get some grief counselling, because unlike your friends they are not going to get upset when you get upset. You have every reason to get upset, I know I couldnt control my tears. Go to a professional person who is experienced with people who are grieving. I am sure they wont get upset when you break down.

Be kind to yourself, know that what you are going through is a woman's greatest fear. Know that it is not something small and impersonal, it is huge and life changing.

My heart really does go out to you, go find someone you can really unload on, you need it.

Answer 8

I am so sorry. This is all such a normal grief reaction. Please ask a doctor, clergy, friend, family member to help you get counseling. You are totally normal to feel denial, rage, hopeless, everything. Would it help you to know that many other people have lost children and somehow the world keeps spinning?

Answer 9

Sam, He took your children so you could find yourself. That sometimes is the most profound statement humans can endure. so he uses it to get our attentions through grief and trauma, and lonlinesses, but it too shall pass as part of the journey to your inner you. i suffered from a VERY traumatic situation early in life and im gratefull cuz I got an early start on my longsuffering. You Will be introduced to your spirit wholefully when you are ready . He has something VERY special planned for you. now your job is to forget all that you been taught about knowledge and start taking in your own wisdoms. We take wisdom to our real life after this practice arena, so dont collect anymore sticks for this temporary nest, you have future plans in a future life, thats a PROMISE. you work for your creator now, And WILL find that things you used to do are no longer valid. You';ve been awarded the keys to the kingdom. your job is to find them collect them and pass them on to anyone who asks. meaning give of you even(espescially when you think you have no more to give. that is the true meaning and humbleness in that wisdom) sing more , write and journal. Give and give and give but dont forget to credit you for your accomplishments on the way and take compliments from those who give them. in order to keep what blessings you recieve .. you have to give them away. If HE brings you to it, he'll bring you through it. "Our hurdles are mearly our registrar of our graces to come." hang in there and if you ever need to talk, let me know , [e-mail] , Im me anytime 24/7, in my prayers . and thank you, you gave me my own gratitudes for a day,, Your gnna make it kiddo. God bless. and I do Understand.... Deana. go back to the Questions area and read the poem i wrote to Cocoa.. on the "thoughts of suicide" question, thing.. you are never alone/..