when should I step in as a caring mom??

Question

should have been more specific earlier with my question about stopping an abortion?? I am a single mom of two grown kids. totally against abortion, My son already has two jobs but not good enough ones according to his manipulative girlfriend. Yes I should mind my own business but my son who has always been a happy carefree kind of guy is now heading down a path of bad state of depression because of this abortion issue. that's why I asked the first ???? should I step in or stay out?? the thought of adopting the baby is there greatly but I haven't been able to talk to my son yet?? I'm just a caring mom who doesn't want to overstep my boundaries but at the same time feel if I don't do something I may regret it later

Answer 1

amazing.... my mother always thought my wife was manipulative.... what is it about mothers and their daughter in laws? Their daughters can do no wrong but their daughter in laws are always wrong...

If they ask for your help, then be gracious and offer your support.... If they don't, stay out...

Answer 2

As a caring mom and grandma, I would sit down with my son and let him know that you are there to help. Give him the opportunity to verbalize his own feelings. It seems you would be able to express your feelings and opinions in an intelligent and not pushy way. I would get more info on the option of adoption to give your son. Also, you may offer to help in any way possible. This young lady sounds clearly too immature to care for a child (regardless of age). I think you could lend a good example and help her find some further resources. However, I think any relationship with such a manipulative person could be considered over. Just make sure that if the child is born, custody is clearly determined.

Answer 3

I understand wanting to step in and shake sense into the girl. I would want to also. Unfortunately, someone who would use a child for leverage is not going to be open to anything you have to say.

You could let both of them know how sad the whole thing makes you and let them both know you are there for them if they need anything.

More importantly, make sure you are there for your son. Your son and his girlfriend are the only ones that can work this out. If you storm in there and start lecturing this obviously unstable girl may do exactly what you don't want her to do just ot spite you.

I think you are in a horrible situation but your son is more "in it" and involved directly. You need to be a caring mom to him and the rest is out of your hands.

So sorry! Good Luck!

Answer 4

People need to make their own mistakes. Even if you don't agree with someone's decisions or actions, they need to be left alone to make their own decision. Otherwise, they will never learn from their mistakes. As children, it is the parents job to step in and help guide them into making the correct decision, but as adults, parents should respect that they are old enough to make their own choices. As hard as that may be.

However, you can discuss with your son, what you would do in the situation (don't come off as pushy or trying to push advice onto him). You can also suggest adopting the child if that is what they choose. Just try to be supportive and let him know that no matter what he decides, you love him and that will never change.

Answer 5

Realistically your son is in no position to have a kid...They have two options, abortion or adoption.

Just as you wouldn't want someone telling you what to do with your body I'm sure they would prefer you keep to your self.

This is THEIR mess...Not yours. Your son is a big boy if he's getting women pregnant so let him deal with it. There is a time when you have to stop protecting him and let him deal with the consequences of his grossly irresponsible behavior. He deserves to feel like crap, maybe he wont be so dumb next time.

I'm sure the second stupid-half of this mess is well aware of her options. It's tough to say "Hey, get all fat a sickly for nine months...Then go through massive pain then go home with nothing...Instead of 10 minutes of discomfort getting rid of a few cells."

It's easy to preach, but this ain't you problem. Walk away, time for them to learn an adult lesson.

There is no doubt they are aware of your position...They have enough problems to deal with than satisfying what YOU want.

Answer 6

Let him know you are there to help him through this no matter what the situation. tell him you will help RAISE the baby, I wouldn't ask to adopt it though, that might make him uncomfortable. You should talk to him to let him know you are there for him and his girlfriend, even if you don't like her. He will not come to you if you don't support them both!