she is a great kid. i love her alot, but she doesn't talk alot to me. only when she needs something. but im not a big talker eather and were alot alike. but im not forcing her to talk to me. should i just leave it the way it is or what help me...
2006-10-31 06:08:39 · 17 answers · asked by D B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i'm in the same situation, only im the step daughter. therefore, i kind of know how she feels. she wants a closer relationship with you, but doesn't know how to go about it. she might feel a bit shy at first, but tha will pass. take her out to the movies, just a sort of daddy-daughter night. or if she's more of a sporty girl, take her to the local tennis court and take a whack at a ball. it doesn't matter if ur good or not, this all helps to build a better relationship. tell her you really love her and want to have a better relationship with her. hope everything works out ok for you. Good Luck!
2006-10-31 06:17:01 · answer #1 · answered by Renee Gibson 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband went through this and found a way to succeed with two of them. Time and patience. Be a parent figure, don't try to be her best friend. Just be there. It's okay if she gets mad at you for some rule. I did most of the discipline stuff but if you have to be the bad guy, try to be reasonable and fair. Acknowledge that it will be tough for her to take you seriously when it comes to parenting. Don't be pushy about her calling you dad or hugging you. This has to be her call as to when this happens. The talking thing is just kids. They talk when they are ready to talk. Keep trying, ask questions. Only talking when they need something is what kids do to all of us.
Recognize that she has a "real father" and don't take offense at that. MOST IMPORTANT be good for her mom. She will see this. Slowly but surely she will come around. Time, patience and love.
Good Luck. I always tell my husband if the roles were reversed that I don't think I could have done it. It was tough for a few years. Stony silences and occasional outbursts. They are all very close now and can't imagine life without each other.
2006-10-31 07:10:35 · answer #2 · answered by BParker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your a good father (the "step" word is really crap...it dismembers the family in my opinion) to her by caring enough to be concerned.
The best thing you can do to develop your relationship is plan and do things with her... things she likes to do.
If you know she enjoys certain things, go out of your way once in a while to bring them home to her. (ie; stop and grab a pack of M&M's for her if those are her favorite... make sure you do this for everyone in the household too however)
Have a family movie marathon night and ask her to choose the movie she wants to watch...let her pick out a movie night snack she'll want to munch on during the marathon.
Ask her how her day is going. Find enjoyable and creative ways to help her understand a homework assignment she may not be grasping.... etc....
Just show your interest.... TIME spent is what we all remember in our adulthood...
Be patient....
She may or may not be receptive at first but she'll come around...
You are the adult and it's up to you to make a consistant effort....
NEVER bad-mouth her father.... If he's not a good parent she'll figure that one out on her own eventually...believe me...
Always support her relationship there...no matter what...unless of course it's a safety issue....
On the other side.....
DEFINATELY be her friend but always support her parents when it comes to their rules for her...
If you EVER have a problem with something you believe they aren't being fair about, etc... NEVER discuss that in her earshot....
It's not unusual for kids to try to pit one parent against the other if the parents don't communicate well and stick together on issues... Don't allow your kids to manipulate....
AND don't underestimate your importance in this childs life... it's REAL...
2006-10-31 06:43:40 · answer #3 · answered by ~Me~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it some time. My daughter doesn't talk to her step dad much either, unless she is forced to because I am not home, but lately it is getting better. My hubby always comes home and starts off with how was your day and such. They too have a lot in common, but the communication is hard. Just give it some time and she will come around. Just make sure that she knows you love her and are around for whatever she needs.
2006-10-31 06:17:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is your step daughter? It could be that she feels that since you don't really talk that you don't have anything in common. Maybe you should just touch base with her on things like, say for instance, skateboarding. If you can connect with her on just one topic - something that you both share as a common ground - you can open up a whole new world of friendship between you two and make life a lot easier.
2006-10-31 06:15:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a great step dad.
I think the best way is to try to be involved w/her after school activities. If she is in soccer, band or anything like that.
Be supportive when she is down.
If she has a father that is involved in her life then just be her friend and mentor if possible.
It is difficult to be the step parent but sounds like your trying.
Good luck.
2006-10-31 06:17:40 · answer #6 · answered by sideways 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i imagine considering that she's confided in you she's shown she trusts you, and at 14 would in all likelihood see you telling her father as a betrayal of that believe. it would want to have taken her a lot to communicate over with you contained in the first position, so why not sit down attempt to sit down down and communicate over such as her about it, highlighting why what's she's doing is incorrect and the position it may lead her, and fairly how a lot chance she's putting herself in drowsing with older men. concentration on how she feels about it too, and probably ask if any of her acquaintances do similar issues, because notwithstanding if her acquaintances have not been attempting to pressure her she will nonetheless experience forced to reproduction their habit. you do not ought to inform her off to make your aspect, and staying calm, as you seem to were doing, if in a lot of situations nicely perfect. Sorry for giving this kind of lengthy answer, desire it helped (:
2016-12-05 09:57:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be complimentary towards her, supporitve, show you care, include her in things, and over time, she will come to appreciate you. You are NOT here dad, but over time, she can love you as a step father. Love does not mean control.
2006-10-31 06:11:32 · answer #8 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend time with her. Kids love it when their parents spend time with them thats the best way for a parent and their child to bond. Take her to the park, to the movies, stuff like that.
2006-10-31 06:11:05 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
step kids always in some way hope their parents will get back together, so they never like their step parent,
I would just be there with your wife when she is talking or taking care of problems, can put your two cents in then
2006-10-31 06:11:14 · answer #10 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋