i have been dating my current boyfriend for 4 months now! he lives with his mentaly challanged mother to take care of her he dislikes her because of somthing that hapend in the past but refuses to tell me about it! another time i asked about his sexual past before me and didnt get much I asked if he had ever slept with another man and he said he would not awnser that latter i found out he had but i still have no idea the what, where or why! his rufusal to talk to me about what i concider important issues has me baffeld he is even evasive about what his spiritual beliefs are! he is very sweet and reliable and is even helping me with my daughter who was just born but is not his her father passed away in march! we have alot friends in commen and everything indcates he is truly a good guy except this one thing and well his hygen! any ideas what is going on? he says he wants to persue this relationship into the long term but I dont know if i should what do you all think?
2006-10-31 05:49:45 · 10 answers · asked by none T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'd go back to school and learn how to spell first
2006-10-31 05:52:26 · answer #1 · answered by johnno K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound very young. I hope I can help.
What exactly is it that makes him your boyfriend? You can't talk to him, you can't get him to answer you, you don't know what diseases or beliefs he has, he stinks, but you are having sex with him anyway? Not a boyfirend, but an acquaintance that you allow to have access to your baby and your body.
First of all, trust and communication are the foundation of any relationship, even a business, or your child or mother.
You need to be able to trust this person's word, and know that he trusts you enough to tell you the truth. How is he reliable? You mean he shows up to baby-sit on time?
You need to be able to talk about anything. That does not give you permission to interrogate him about his past loves, however. It means he is willing to tell you some things about himself. You need to know if he contracted a disease by having sex with anyone. He needs to tell you the truth. If he doesn't know, he needs to be tested, today.
Why should he be evasive about his spiritual beliefs unless he knows you would disapprove and he might lose you. You need to know how he feels and believes about things, even if his answer is "I don't know yet." Especially if he is going to be an influence with your child. He might believe in child-brides, or somthing nuttier. How can he be "sweet" if you don't know what he believes about life and the future, and his role in it.
Hygiene, huh? If he is a great guy, but stinks, tell him. Be gentle. Tell him it is a deal-breaker. Tell him, he must clean up his act to be with you, in your life. Period. (It could be, he was never taught, so be willing to help, if he wants it.) Do not let him get away with that.
If he has other stuff that he is unwilling or unable to change, send him packing. You are not his momma.
You need to spend your time taking care of your baby, and wait for a guy you don't have to fix. Your baby deserves better. Not just anybody who will baby-sit/ or pay for stuff.
PS You might still be in mourning for your husband, and trying to get in any old relationship just to not be alone.Resist that temptation. You deserve better, and so does your baby and the man.
Good luck!
2006-10-31 14:37:57 · answer #2 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how much you like someone or think they are a "good guy", you have to be able to 1.) trust someone, and 2.) communicate. Trust me on this one. These are two of the biggest factors in relationships. It seems like he doesn't trust you not to judge him since he is unable to answer questions that are important to you. And since you think he may be hiding something, you don't completely trust him since he is unable to communicate with you. If you really are considering taking a relationship into the long term, you have to be happy with the current relationship and you aren't. Tell him you need to learn to trust and communicate with each other before you can consider a long term relationship. It will save the both of you a lot of heartache in the future.
2006-10-31 13:58:35 · answer #3 · answered by Redhead_85 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alot of the important things have been left blank: past sexual history, religious beliefs, etc. these are obviously very important to u or u wouldnt have mentioned them on here. sexual past is important to keep urself healthy (esp. now that u have a lil girl). if he isnt giving on the information then i would not pursue it. if he cant be open and honest now then its not going to start just overnight. and u dont want to have to extract everything out of him. it will leave u feeling tired, frustrated and not trusted. no way to be in a relationship that u hope lasts forever.
2006-10-31 13:55:16 · answer #4 · answered by jenivive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Question 1: Yes!
Question 2: No!
Question 3: The very fact that you have so many doubts and have to ask means that you already know what to do. Just do it, honey!
What? Leave him alone. You will get hurt very badly. Make a really constructive effort for yourself and your daughter. Set the right example for her to follow.
2006-10-31 14:00:07 · answer #5 · answered by SANCHA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure he is scared of what you might think of him he probably had something bad happen to him and is not ready to tell you its probably painful for him to think about it let alone talk about it he probably really likes you and don't want to loose you over something that happened in the past. i say let hI'm tell you when HE is ready because once he tells you he can't take it back you might not really want to know what its about. 4 months really isn't that long i just told my boyfriend something about my past and we've been together for 9 months now and I'm really scared because we still haven't really talked about it and he just seems kinda weird now and I'm terrified im gonna loose him so he might have the same fears and maybe my man didn't want to hear what i told hI'm even though it was in the past and i had no control over it I'm gonna talk to him today about it and im scared so don't push him stick with him and tell him something he don't know about you to help him feel more comfortable but please don't leave him because of a problem he has and about his hygiene just talk to him about it you cant expect him to tell you this big secret if you cant even be honest and tell him he stinks in a nice way just don't hurt his feelings
2006-10-31 14:19:20 · answer #6 · answered by Kadie-bird 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just need time. Just continue to show him that you will be there for him and in due time I think that he will open up to you. As for the hygiene, you are going to have to gently and kindly talk to him about that. There is really no nice nice way to approach that kind of topic. Good luck.
2006-10-31 13:57:41 · answer #7 · answered by shellese2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he might just be one of tha people that dont like to talk about his past i know i dont but if i want it to work out with tha person iam with than i try to tell them everything then want to know
2006-10-31 13:53:37 · answer #8 · answered by angelgirl_hottie20032003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
abused children turn into murderers... just be careful, ask the wrong question and he is wearing your head as a hat
2006-10-31 13:54:10 · answer #9 · answered by J from O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One word "RUN"
2006-10-31 13:53:27 · answer #10 · answered by bosox06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋