What do you think?

Question

I have a friend who has a 4 year old step son and a 10 month old baby. She is on maternity leave and her man recently got fired from his job. He went to see about another job but has since decided he doesn't want to work there and is trying to get his EI opened (won't get EI because he got fired) but he's trying anyways. My friend always whines about not having any money and she doesn't know how they are going to afford christmas but then she went out and spent $120 on the 4 year olds birthday gifts 2 months before Christmas. I'm really getting tired of listening to her whine because she worked during the potato harvest and blew all that money. Should I say anything to her about it or just listen to her complain? It's not like she didn't know Christmas was coming. It comes the same day every year.

Maternity leave in New Brunswick, Canada is one year. You don't have to take that long if you don't want to but you do have the option and your employer has to hold your job for atleast one year. She could however go back early.

I just get tired of listening to the same sh*it every day you know. It's like everyday all she does is whine and it's really getting on my last nerve.

They bought him a skate board, a huge coloring book and 96 crayons, a model of some sort to put together, an easel and a table top hockey game thing (kinda like foosball) and clothes and shoes and a video game. It absolutely insane to spend that much on a kid when, when he becomes a teenager he's really going to want expensive things and will expect them then even more than he does now. Last year she bought him like 40 things for christmas. Her and her man don't buy eachother anything for christmas. They've been together 3 years and she's not once got anything from her man for christmas.

I honestly wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they ended up going on welfare out of choice and not out of need.

Answer 1

i would have to say something...how you say it is up to you...& try to offer suggestions of what she should do...keep in mind that you can't help someone who doesn't want to help him/herself.

Answer 2

Actually you can't get EI if you quit.
EI will want to find out the reason he was fired.

She did not make a good decision at all spending money when she has little coming in. ( I would assume she gets something from her leave.)

She may want to look at going back to work.
Her man may want to rethink turning down any job considering there are two children involved.

She should be getting WIC for the children until her and her man get their act together and decide to act like responsible parents. http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/

No, you should not have to listen to the whining, but as a friend you could make some "helpful suggestions" that may push them in the right direction.

Regardless of how the irresponsible the parents are, you may want to see if there are any programs that give gifts to children in situations like this. There are churches, the salvation army and fire houses that make collections.

Children should not suffer for their parents stupidity.

Answer 3

Wow! Maternity leave is for a year! I should have had my kids there! I would simply tell her the next time she is complaining about money is that if she was that worried about it, then maybe she needs to go back to work at least part time and maybe not spending 120 dollars on presents for a 4 year old...that's ridiculous!

Answer 4

There are people who are pathological whiners. They are always complaining about something. They are never happy about anything.

However, it is the duty of a good friend to listen when someone else has something to get off his/her chest. I know that it can be frustrating to see that accompanied by the whining comes negative behaviour.

What I would do is try to offer suggestions. It's obvious that she wants the guy to work while she stays at home. She won't go back to work until she has to.

You are not going to solve their problems. Even if you did have the solution, she won't go for it because that would take away from having something to complain about. It's obvious she's desparate for attention.

Answer 5

Lets see, well he needs to get off his butt and do something, and she can too, her baby is plenty old enough for daycare, and yeah just tell her hey I realize you guys are going thru a rough time and I understand but you know what to do and you know how to fix it so get up and get a job, I don't want to sound rude but as a friend I don't know what else to say, that should work,,

Answer 6

Realize that there is a difference to 'listening to' and emotional involvement. If you could practice just being there so she can 'talk at you', and not get involved in the whining/judgment about her spending money. Maybe you could help realize that a 4yo. probably wouldn't get upset if they didn't get any gift at all.

Answer 7

I think you need to remember that your friend's problems are just those. Your friends. If and when she calls to complain just simply say okay and then somehow very nicely 1- tell her you will call her back or 2- change the subject to something else.

Or you could just be real with her and tell her how you feel.

Answer 8

Why is she on maternity leave if her baby is 10 months old? She needs to get a job.

Answer 9

If you cannot stand the whining, then don't listen to her. It seems they are making very poor decisions and you shouldn't have to suffer with them. Be a friend, but don't let her drive you crazy. If she asks for advice, give it and leave it there. Good luck.

Answer 10

Sounds like mom needs to get a job.

Why isn't she working? Last time I checked, maternity leave only lasted a few months. Sounds to me like they need a second income. Help them out as much as you can, but really they need to figure out how to get themselves out of this situation. Good luck and God bless to you and your friend.

Answer 11

i don't think it really matters if you say anything to her or not. people make bad financial decisions on a daily basis, even though common sense should help, but it usually doesn't. if you say something to her about it, it probably wouldn't cause her to make any changes about how she handles her money, so it would probably be a waste of breath. it would be better for you to stay out of it, it's not worth the hassle.