How do you deal with a 2yr old's meanness @ daycare?

Question

My 2 year old, who has limited vocabulary (like most 2 year olds) has become very mean at his daycare here in the past week. He used to be the sweet one, that his teachers praised, and never caused problems. Here lately, he has been hitting, pulling, and screaming at the other kids. He has been known to try to bite them, and hits them with the toys he has in his hand. The problem the teacher says is that there is this window/glass door that looks out into the parking lot, and he gets very antsy when it's pick-up time, and anyone that gets in his way of "looking out", he is a bully to. There has been no major changes in our home life, he is normally sweet, but another kid in the same daycare (not in the same class) bit him 2-3 weeks ago..... please help. I dont want MY 2 year old to be the bully of the class. All they can do is put him in time-out (so he ends up in time out ALOT) and I try to remind him to be nice, and not hit, but I am sure he forgets by end of day. Help.

Answer 1

Time outs...

Answer 2

Ok. It isn't likely that he will turn into the class bully because this is just a stage. However, it is serious because most daycare facilities will ask the child to leave if it gets too bad. So, considering that this is temporary, but definitely something that you need to seriously address, here goes.

Obviously, he is dealing with an insecurity - do you pick him up at the same time everyday? If not, then can you be more consistent with the time? Can the window be closed by the teacher and keep the kids from it? If not, can your teacher specifically work with him and the other kids to initiate something fun to keep their minds off of the window and the time of day?

Punishing him consistently only works to reinforce his insecurity at this point. Why haven't the teachers taken steps to avoid this by redirecting his attention?

If nothing can be done at school as I've suggested above, then maybe you can talk with your son to find out why he is watching so intently for you. Possibly getting him a small, cheap toy watch and them making a game out of noting the time that you arrive. Maybe you could phone the school so that the teacher can tell him specifically that you are at the door would relieve his anxiety. This way he would start looking for the call to denote when you are there.

There has to be something that you AND the teacher can do to help him to relax when it's pick-up time. It should be joyful, not negative.

Also, keep in mind that his not be able to communicate at this stage is a huge frustration for him and could be the reason he is acting out like this. Maybe the teacher could support him by letting everyone know that he is the official look out and keeping the other kids away.

I would be more concerned by the lack of skill that his teachers are showing in responding to this. This is not the first bump that he will face, and it is not being handled appropriately by the school. You might try looking elsewhere.

P.S. no matter how polite and kind your son "normally" is, he is going to go through these stages continuously from here on.

Answer 3

Ask if the teachers can put a poster or some bulletin board paper over the door. As a former preschool teacher and now a home day care provider, I will try to get rid of what ever it is that is causing the issue or seems to be the cause. Take away the toy that all the kids are fighting over, make sure the the kids that pick on or feed off another's behavior don't sit together in circle, stuff like that. See if they are willing to take away the distraction of the parking lot to keep him from getting so antsy. Clearly if other kids are trying to look out the window, too, this is an issue they should have already considered.

Answer 4

My son is almost 2 and we are just starting to go through the whole "bully" stage. Really "time out" is the best solution until he can communicate a little better and understand as well that what he is doing is wrong.Right now all he understands is it's all about him and he wants to look out the window.One suggestion I do have for your daycare though is if they know he is doing this everyday at the same time then maybe they should find a way to keep him active or if it's possible put him somewhere that is not in view of the door until you get there. Have patients and know that it's not just your son.

Answer 5

In real life, you would be punished for hitting or bullying (or at least, we all hope so) So that is what should be done. But are you sure it's only at the very end of the day? That is a lot of bad behavior for 20 minutes.

FIrst, talk with him. Tell him "I know you get really excited when it's almost time for Mommy to show up! But you can't hit, not ever. Hitting is wrong and it makes your friends sad. You don't like to be sad or hurt, and neither do they. Sometimes you will be able to be near the window, sometimes you won't. But EITHER WAY I will be there! Even if you just play with your toys or read a book. I would LOVE to walk in and see you reading to a friend! Let's try that tomorrow!"

Kids need IDEAS they can picture in their minds, tell them what they can't do, then tell them clearly what they CAN do. Give them alternatives.

Answer 6

you mentioned that another child bit him a few weeks back it is poss-able that they might not have handled it in a way that made him feel safe and he no longer is feeling safe at this age they are noticing the world around them more and more I had a child who did that so i watched around time he got anxious and I would start about 10 or so minutes before in an engaging activity some kids just need to go through this stage as long as he is reminded that you are coming and the daycare reminds him that you come everyday and today is the same as everyday he will go through a lot of time outs but he will learn if it continues over a few months or so it might be time to find out what is going on they are not telling you plus it is good to know if he acts that way with friends or sitters outside of daycare

Answer 7

You need to have a series of talks with him, ask him about day care does he miss mom, does he like anyone a whole lot, draw it out of him as to what has changed since earlier in the year. Did the boy biting him make him afraid? Is he worried that mom won't pick him up? He needs to be engaged so that you can piece together the things that are frightening or bothering him. Then you can circle back and tell him that bullying others b/c he's wants you to come or he's scared still isn't right and needs to stop. Good luck

Answer 8

My son is 18 months old, and this sounds EXACTLY like what he is going through!! I am at a loss too. He doesn't act like that at home--only at daycare!! When he does do a behavior that I do not like at home (and this was before he started this particular daycare, too) I would make him sit in his Winnie the Pooh chair for 30 seconds. Time-outs are now 1 minute, and I only hope my daycare provider is stressing the time-outs!! Punishing through hitting isn't the best way (especially at this age, since they mimick everything they see). It may seem like your little guy (who was sooo incredibly sweet and innocent) has turned on everyone! I guess that's just the age....the TERRIBLE TWOs!! Hopefully things won't be so bad for you for very long. Good luck to you, and remember you're not alone!!

Answer 9

We have a color system and their allowance is based on behavior as well as chores. I know he is only 2, but if you make faces out of green, yellow and red paper you can put them on the wall. Get a clothespin and write his name on it. When he is bad at school, make him put the clothespin on yellow or red. Do the same thing when he is at home. Buy a calendar and have him put which color face he got on that day. Tell him if he gets all green for a month or a week, he gets a surprise. My friend tried this when I told her about it and her son really didn't like getting the bad colors and it helped some. If nothing else works, talk to his doctor. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

He is only 2 and doesn't know how to keep promises. He is a normal child. I know where you are coming from, but believe me, if it wasn't him, it would be someone else who is being naughty. The daycare workers need to deal with it. That is what they get paid to do.